Life

It’s Us

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It’s Us!

Not You, it’s You and Not Me, it’s Me. It’s Us.

This may not make sense to anyone but me. I have come a far distance and it feels good and feels right. Time does make a difference. Healing within and understanding of oneself is liberating. Is my life perfect and have it all together? Not a chance.

It is knowing I am not where I once was and I am still evolving.

One day, which is the next step, I will see my former therapist of four years. Her leaving due to medical reasons and not formally telling me, I was at a loss, her office sign is down and is no more, in 2018. My world was rocked off its axis.

Dealing with abandonment prior to her leave, then experiencing full-blown abandonment, as a true, full-blown assignment, my heart was broken. Anger ripped my insides up while tears flowed on the outside. The question I repeatedly said, was one word, WHY?

Of course, it was medical but why not personally touch base. This ‘why’ screamed within me for years.

It has since silenced. It’s not that important anymore. How is that? I still don’t know the why. There’s a peace and I like it.

Time does in fact heal. Forgiveness of the other but also of oneself is freedom, no matter what situation.

All the negative feelings and thoughts have subsided and it is kind of shocking. How will I react when we do meet while shopping or in public I often wonder.

It would be nice to see her and hug her. I’m forever thankful for our times together years ago but I want this to be a coming together somehow on the same ground level as friends. Not her as my therapist or me as her client. That is no more. It’s Us. Funny, I think she would understand this of me, as she was good like that.

That’s the next step, our running into each other. I would like that.

Again, Time!

The Third

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I wait somewhat patiently, although anxiously.

In all of my life, which is many years, now being a senior citizen, I have always heard the line, “it comes in threes.” This could be appliances breakdown, financial crisis, or deaths usually. No doubt you have heard and experienced such saying.

The stroke of anticipation or perhaps fear knowing this does hold true, for the most part. Or have I/we just count to three and move on to reset the mode?

This past week, I had a bout with irregular heartbeat, which can cause some disturbance with the body, of course, but mentally. Am I going to die? Is this the one that will carry me onto Glory? Im still here. Shew!

Prior to this, my sweet neighbor passed on Monday morning. Her death was expected in time but it became a reality. It placed some sadness on our small, dead end street between neighbors.

Then on Friday morning, my tall trooper of a neighbor with many medical issues passed away from a heart attack, as he was beginning his day.

Within these five days, two deaths. Both houses are my view from my chair, as I write. How odd is that? Too close for comfort, now that grief has expanded.

Now if I die, this is a perfect triangle. How morbid thinking, I know, but my heart could have went haywire on me more-so to cause death. Am I number three, yet?

How odd, this is all so close. Both neighbors are grieving. Hopefully, I will be a strong anchor for them in the days ahead by being a good neighbor but praying for them of their comings and their goings or the emotions that emerge behind closed doors.

If all comes in threes, well number three is soon to come. It could be anyone. It could be anytime.

Death. It happens to us all, at some point. Until, please live and live life and take care of you. When the time comes, have no regrets. Live your best life now.

Be Blessed.

Matthew 5:4
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

Sisters, But Strangers

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I find myself boggled more and more, in my senior years, realizing my sister and I are so different. Yes, we are all unique, made in the image of God. The love of family members is there but our uniqueness is chaotic to me. Perhaps, because I am the youngest, just odd, her feeling I am still a child, her baby sister. Perhaps, I trust myself more and know who I am. Just because she is older and perhaps wiser, I also am.

Months ago I wrote a short blog-like story on my Facebook page. It was on the serious side of me but encouragement for others to know they can face tomorrow, as storms in life come. In my brief testimony, my sister could not understand it and worried about me, making an opportunity to visit to see if I was okay. To her surprise, as I knew myself, I am fine and happier than I have been in many years. While trying to explain, she could not grasp but thought the worse.

I realized she can handle joking about my struggles but not the seriousness. How sad is that? So with her, I put my seriousness aside and not being the true me. She does not know me. She thinks she does though. Sadly, years ago, I felt closer to my counselor for this very reason, as she heard me, she knew me more. The depth of my seriousness and even my silly, fun personality, I could be me.

Again, last night, a discussion that reminded me that we are sisters but strangers. This will never change.

Sisterly love I believe it’s called, I guess.