It’s Us

It’s Us!

Not You, it’s You and Not Me, it’s Me. It’s Us.

This may not make sense to anyone but me. I have come a far distance and it feels good and feels right. Time does make a difference. Healing within and understanding of oneself is liberating. Is my life perfect and have it all together? Not a chance.

It is knowing I am not where I once was and I am still evolving.

One day, which is the next step, I will see my former therapist of four years. Her leaving due to medical reasons and not formally telling me, I was at a loss, her office sign is down and is no more, in 2018. My world was rocked off its axis.

Dealing with abandonment prior to her leave, then experiencing full-blown abandonment, as a true, full-blown assignment, my heart was broken. Anger ripped my insides up while tears flowed on the outside. The question I repeatedly said, was one word, WHY?

Of course, it was medical but why not personally touch base. This ‘why’ screamed within me for years.

It has since silenced. It’s not that important anymore. How is that? I still don’t know the why. There’s a peace and I like it.

Time does in fact heal. Forgiveness of the other but also of oneself is freedom, no matter what situation.

All the negative feelings and thoughts have subsided and it is kind of shocking. How will I react when we do meet while shopping or in public I often wonder.

It would be nice to see her and hug her. I’m forever thankful for our times together years ago but I want this to be a coming together somehow on the same ground level as friends. Not her as my therapist or me as her client. That is no more. It’s Us. Funny, I think she would understand this of me, as she was good like that.

That’s the next step, our running into each other. I would like that.

Again, Time!

It’s Time To Be Quiet

My hopes, my dreams, my goals and my plans are for me. Those things that are in the working stages in my life are mine to hope for, figure out, contemplate and discover. They are not yours, they are mine. Many times when we speak of such to another, they don’t understand or care enough as we would like and to not fully understand our journey that we are on. We walk away sometimes discouraged. The reason being, it is not their journey. It’s ours.

Your journey is not my journey. I am not to point my finger and tell you what to do or make you feel less than because I do not agree. Many have their opinions and are willing to freely give. Some are good points to consider but the final choice is ours, good or bad. Perhaps their input is pushing the plan a little quicker than we’d prefer but we know to wait. The wait is hard to understand and impatience shows up to rush the plan. Just do it! No! An uneasiness within catches my attention and it should. Timing, as I have mentioned before in my blogs, it will happen when the time is right. Of course, I have had those moments thinking if am I right, am I just afraid or just plain stupid. Waiting is hard.

As I shared some information the other day with another, I walked away feeling as though I don’t want to share nothing any further. Something was different, it’s like I am to be quiet. It’s not a withdrawal of sharing due to depression but the steps I now must take is to be private. It is not necessary to share everything. As it comes to pass, my faith grows because my trust is in the Lord and not others. He says, I know the desires of your heart. I must believe Him.

There is an excitement within me to figure out what lies ahead. Early in this pandemic, I woke up and immediately sat up in bed with the words, saying aloud, “Do you trust Me?” Another time, the same but more of a peaceful expression, “You are my hiding place.” Each time I would write such words down and put before me to see on my wall near my chair that only I see, as I don’t want to forget and I want to be reminded. I look at it often and oftentimes say it to hear myself, to know that it is okay, to have peace. The words, “Be Still and know that I am God,” is one I glance at often when I worry, more of my son with this one verse but also in all things, when thoughts come that bring fear.

I know He knows my name and I know He knows where I am. Just knowing He knows, a peace comes when I feel unsteady going forward and what is around me seems chaotic. Too many years have passed of holding onto those words to not believe and watch what is to happen. Faith. We must have faith!

Trusting yourself, to trust the Lord, brings growth.

https://www.mondayslife.com/the-season-of-transition-waiting-on-god-for-the-next-move/

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2014/06/11/lord-i-dont-know-what-to-do

“Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow.” Psalm 25:4 (NLT)

Depressed Dreamers

What a week it has been. Well, this month, too. Let’s not forget this whole year. Whew!

This year has been an introvert’s dream and noticed life is good, with less chaos around them. The extrovert is more nervous than previously, not knowing what to do with the down time. I am in the mix but more introvert. I feel there is always something to do, improve, clean, etc., but I also enjoy the downtime, naps and writing. This year, we have all had to adapt.

This week and past month especially, I have heard many mention, of course, the Presidential election. It is in process and soon we will all know the final decision. This blog is not to express my choice of candidate or yours, just the observation I have had and found interesting. Odds are, you have also.

My mom used to say when in such events, and that is somebody will win and somebody will lose. Usually from her, it was in regard to my athletic ability, of which I had none or no interest. Looking at it though in this way, it takes away the pain of being a loser. Here we are with the big boys. One will win and one will lose.

No matter what side in this election, one side will be happy and one side will be sad, angry and depressed; perhaps feel fear over the future. No matter, one will win and one will lose.

In this year of 2020, a time that will go down in history with the Covid19 and the Presidential election, many predictions have been made. I am sure we all have had a thought of predicting ourselves of the outcome, whether spoken or not or that desire of such to come into fruition. Time will tell.

Here is where I find all of this to be of interest. In the months getting closer to November 3rd, I know many that are glued and watch television and listen to those that have had a dream of the outcome or shared their predictions. These are those that have deep faith and hear from God. While I understand faith and have faith, I do believe that God can and does speak to us or felt in our spirit, which I have experienced myself in my own life. I do believe that dreams can be spiritual dreams, too. I do know also that everyone that has a dream can be just that, a dream.

My friend was so convinced that this one man was the real deal and then another and that continued through many Christians that heard from the Lord. I found her to be in confusion and the anxiety building. My advice was to turn off the media. It was her husband that added fire to the chaos between them and tossing which one to believe or all of them.

Now this week, both of them are definitely confused and doubting the prophets. It is not doubting God, it is those wanting to be God. In this, I have heard prophesies and have seen healing before my very eyes. God is not an author of confusion. Those that had dreams and professed how this election would go, but didn’t. I wonder if they are also doubting themselves and also God. It is easy to feel confused and disappointed in man, yourself and God.

My heart is not full of faith. So many prophets have said Trump would win. Did they all miss hearing God?” In this, with her mentioning the many names of those that they listened to and their faith was placed. Her text continues on with many questions and doubts. “I still can’t wrap my mind around what is happening. How did so many highly, reputable prophets miss God?” This is one friend that will dip into a state of depression and feel the doom and gloom and it is the end of the world. How many others will?

This is not only one but many to experience this possible outcome. I may not like it and you may not like it but one thing about it, this is no surprise to God. Many will be shaken. Many will question their own faith, as my friend, and doubt all those that had a dream and predictions, with faith being lifted. Many voices were heard and believed. Could this be where Satan wants Christians, pulling away from their faith? Could this be where we fight the good fight of faith, to remain true to God and His Word even in the face of opposition, oppression and adversity. We each have a choice.

In the end and whatever the final count in this situation with what the election will be, one will win and one will lose.

Our position at that point is to pray for our President. Most importantly, to keep our trust in God.