Mom, Don’t Go There!

Those little boys of mine always fun and also a lot of work, but I would not have changed those moments together, unless to add more.

Where did the time go? Just yesterday….. as we have all said at some point. The kiddos were little and we were worn out. It seemed like high school took forever, but I remember that being my case also, when in school. The college years flew and they never returned home. An empty nest was an adjustment as the house was quiet and mom’s kitchen was clean. Oh, I miss those days at times with a house full of neighborhood kids hanging out, even the talking, laughter, odors and messes.

My boys grew up to be wonderful, adults and makes this mom so proud. The time in between visits is less than I prefer but I remember being young once. Life gets busy, we all work and they have their life to live. Still, it’s nice hanging out with our adult children.

The roles have reversed somewhat. This past weekend, I hung out with my boys as my youngest was moving. A move always will bring about a contact, “Hey mom, want to come down and help decorate my new place?” I knew that meant more than to decorate but off I went to help and spend time with them.

This day of moving was on his twenty-seventh birthday so that made it even better, for me. I’m sure he’d rather be hanging out with friends and drinking a beer but he was stuck with his mom and brother hauling boxes out of one place to another. It was all good, us three together, but exhausting.

The next day, him and I finished the last few hauls to the new place. Exhaustion was an understatement but we pushed through. It was when he was to go for a final walk through with the previous landlord but he sent his roommate and did not join, but his name was on the lease. I did not care for that. I made a comment about his name on the lease but knew to shut up.

This child of mine is twenty-seven, he is an adult. Whatever the reason to not go and finalize the closure is between him and the landlord. Not mom. Actually, it took pressure off me, as I have no control. He has and will make decisions I may or may not agree with but he knows he has to face consequences if a wrong decision or circumstance. I have seen him work through situations, not asking for help or a handout, which makes me proud. Sometimes, if he would just listen to his mom, it would be easier. Right?

On my hour drive home, I was thinking about the move, our conversations and knowing he is at a fork in the road with his business due to the pandemic. He is a true entrepreneur and will figure it out, he always does.

Driving and thinking back also on my young, single days, as he is, I made some stupid decisions and have regrets. We all have. It’s part of growing up and being mature and independent. The words, I wish I did, I wish I didn’t, if only I could go back, I regret, etc., those moments are done and over. Hopefully, through each circumstance, we all have learned a lesson. Some do and some don’t.

The independence of this adult son, both sons, continue to grow and mom is not needed as much. While I am proud of them, I find it sad. I see the tide turning, as I add their names to my emergency contacts. I seem to ask for their advice more and for help, if needed. I’m not a nursing home candidate yet but my stage in life is gaining ground.

As there is distance between us, it takes time to organize to visit, and the days pass so quickly. I often wonder if one day they will regret not calling or texting mom more or visiting, etc. I would say that is a rite of passage for all parents and children, which is sad. I want them to remember their mom as being their biggest cheerleader in life, that they never had to wonder if they were loved, I was always available 24/7, even for those 3:00 a.m. calls, as my youngest knew I would be there for him and to pray. Remembering our laughter of silly times together or knowing I would always help clean, catch up on their laundry, decorate and hang curtains that I hope to finish this weekend. I’m there for them, if they want or need me.

It’s probably a good thing we live an hour away. Mom has her place but not in their business. They are doing fine on their own. I am one proud mom.

https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/11-encouraging-prayers-for-your-son.html

https://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/pray-for-your-adult-children-11607227.html

https://lysaterkeurst.com/2014/01/17/10-prayers-for-your-daughter/

Holiday Withdrawals

The days after Christmas is such a letdown for me, after all the hype of shopping, mostly online for me; decorating, what little I did and already have taken down and put away; being with and visiting my boys, now at their own home; listening to Christmas music or watching the Christmas movies, knowing that they will abruptly end within days, if not already. Over and done! Christmas 2020 is all wrapped up, pictures taken and memories we hold dearly as we go into a new year.

I tend to go through this withdrawal mode and a sense of depression hits, as the month of January is boring to me. The weather is too cold, it gets dark way too early and nothing is happening. With this Covid19 mess, things are even more at a standstill. Yes, Valentine’s Day is to follow but that is just another day for me. At least it pushes us all into spring, better weather, longer daylight hours to enjoy outside and upcoming Easter, etc.

The country song by Merle Haggard, “If we make it through December, everything’s gonna to be all right I know,” fits except December replaced with January. One day turns into the next and soon adjustment of it all falls into place. Just like that, January will come and go, just like it does each year. Slowly I will and we all will adapt, and we will do it all over again next year for Christmas 2021. I will still struggle with the withdrawals of it all, yet again.

Do you keep your Christmas decorations and tree up until after the New Year? My parents did, but I could never do that. To have time off work, I put it all away. Maybe I do need to leave it all up through January. Nope. I don’t think I could handle it. Let’s just get the new year started and hope for the best, better than this past year.

Let’s keep moving forward, hope and pray that the 2021 New Year will bring back the hugs we have all missed, the social settings and get togethers with family and friends. I miss all of those moments and I would say that you do, too. Stay safe and healthy!

Seasonal depression: What you need to know - New York Daily News

Psalm 3:3  But you, LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.

https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/depression-bible-verses/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evidence-based-living/202011/how-cope-the-winter-blues-and-covid-19

Christmas Angels

A long time ago, in a far away land. Not really, just our back yard, there was once a couple with children that found it fun to decorate outside at Christmas. It’s the most wonderful time of the year, filled with lights, beauty, happiness and joy all around.

Of course, I would want to do all sorts of decorations and it was so pretty. I wanted my boys to enjoy the Christmas season. Inside, there was always a toss up with colored and white lights. My oldest and I disagreed on the lights for the living room Christmas tree. I wanted white, he wanted color. Crazy enough, now in his own home, he has white lights and now I have color. I haven’t asked, but I wonder if his wife wanted the white lights. The boy cannot win.

Presents are wrapped and some may have a small item in a big box. I have been known to put many wrapped boxes inside one another to make a big box, like those little dolls. It’s fun to buy socks and tie them together with ribbon and stuff in a paper roll. They pull and pull and pull and finally get to the end and look at me. Mom!?! They loved it, as I did. Fun! The magic of Christmas is what I wanted for them and also for me, from young to old, we need to enjoy.

The holiday season brings up memories and I remembered one the other day. I had always wanted those large white, wired angels with white lights and I finally found after searching for years, so I got two. Beautiful angels. We placed them in the front yard for a couple of years. I then had a bright idea. Since I had a big wooden Cross I used in the back yard, by our deck and lit up at Christmas, I wanted the angels to go back there also. Our yard is an acre with a slight grade that faces a two lane highway. The Cross stayed by my deck and I put both angels at the bottom of the yard, facing each other, about six feet apart (social distancing) and each had a horn, almost taller than me. With many strands of light, white lights, of course, we made a pathway open by the angels at the bottom of our yard that led up to the Cross. Another sign that said ‘One Way.’ Anyway, it was beautiful. We did this for a few years, too.

It was when working on this display one cold night, walking up the yard. I walked up the path from the angels to the Cross. It was pretty cool. Half way up our yard, I look over and my husband is on the outside of the path. Later, a few years, we had tried to work on our marriage, I think we both did. Looking over at him, it has just been like this forever, never on the same page, or same path as in this case.

It was when this path of the angels up to the Cross was mentioned to our marriage counselor at the time, of me on the inside and he is on the outside. He tells our counselor that I could have pulled him in the path. Okay, but he could have walked in the path to join me. The path was a resemblance of going to the Lord, to me. End result, neither one of us did anything to change our walk.

After that winter and counseling sessions, the two angels were never lit or used again, they stayed in the shed. The Cross was not lit although it still remained in our yard. I think now it is behind the shed, as he got tired of mowing around it. He put it away so it is probably broken down just like our marriage.

Several years ago, we had a yard sale. The angels were a part of the sale. I could have made money on these two, tall beautiful angels. Many offers were made to buy, even offers to buy out the lady who bought them, etc. I just wanted them out of my sight. To have them even out in the open, brought back memories of many years I would have rather forgotten and not lived through. The lady got a great deal. A loss for me in many ways but off they went to a new home.

The other day when driving through our neighborhood looking at Christmas decorations, I thought of the angels. This back yard scenario will always be a part of my memories or as I see others displayed, I will think of those angels we had once. The lady that bought them is within a fifteen-mile radius and she welcomed me to come see them. Thanks, but no thanks.

I do hope that the two angels bring a joy to their new home wherever they may be and to those that look at them.

The term angel literally means “messenger,” and it is in this prominent role that angels take part in the Christmas story. An angel appeared to Mary to announce the birth of Christ (Luke 1:26-38). … Understandably, images of angels have become a familiar symbol of Christmas.