A Trinket or Two

As I was driving to work, I was thinking about gifts. Gifts that I have received and those that I have given. I enjoy giving gifts, especially on just an ordinary day, no birthday or of any significance. It’s a surprise. We all love surprises, as such. Now if you jump out at me and scare me, that is one surprise I do not like.

I like to watch and listen, and if I know of a need or something that catches my eye and I know of someone that would like or benefit from, I will go on a search to find just that and give.4DC36189-F3D2-482C-B2CF-C633A90BE153

I wish I could do so much more of this, but I do when I can. I daydream of such at times of what I would like to do, which is fun to escape mentally the issues in front of me, as a break.

So as I was thinking of the gifts, giving and receiving, I pondered why I do such and enjoy both. I have always done this. Perhaps a coping mechanism although my mother was very giving. It’s not a bad trait, if you are making another happy. It was when I was asked by my counselor years ago why I was giving her a gift. Asking also what I would do and feel if she rejected the gift. It got me to thinking, I still do, I guess this is why I am writing.

Last question first. If the gift was not accepted, I would understand but I would be sad, depending on what it was, and dwell on it for a bit.  When giving a gift, again it is something I thought would look nice and this gift in particular would match her sofa and bright wall color. It was just a sofa pillow. I was in her office weekly and this pillow pulled all the colors together. Just that, the matching and 0578A2D3-E6B7-4E4F-962B-18DB693674D0accent pillow brought me a peace, like comfort at home.

A little knick-knack that means something between a friend or family member, is also nice. To me that is what you do, or that is what I do. I want nothing in return. Just as with my counselor, a pillow that looked awesome on her new office sofa. Also, I enjoy searching for just the right thing, color, etc., to give to whomever.

In this session though of asking me why I do such and besides my input just written, she asked me this question. Do I buys gifts as such so I would not be forgotten. Good question, Counselor. As I gave thought to this, I know I enjoy giving but she was right, there have been many times for that exact reason, I did not want to be forgotten. Just for instance with the gift of this pillow and since she closed her private practice office, I do wonder if she still has it and maybe still thinks of me or will I one day see it in a bin at the Goodwill store.

So in regard to this pillow, although I could mention other gifts given through the years. I still think of the time spent to find just the right pillow, thinking of her, as it was fun and I don’t want to forget her. It’s two-fold, thinking of you, thinking of me. I don’t want to be forgotten. Am I img_4669though? As it is just a pillow. I may never know.

I have had gifts through the years given to me and I still have many of them, especially the knick-knack items I can pack away to keep safe. One is a ceramic little girl about four inches tall, given to me by my Aunt when I was around six years old. Packed away in safe keeping, even with dust showing. Embarrassing but hey, it’s old, but I’m old. Still, she is safely tucked away but I remember my Aunt giving this to me and how it made me feel, that I was special to her.C62BD70F-ADE2-4F3B-8E56-DB7FB03D571E

I still have my Ten Commandments little gold bracelet and cross from a necklace my grandmother gave me, I was young also. So many things like that hold so many memories for me. Just that today holding and looking at them, I have no doubt my grandmother prayed for me. My autograph book that young elementary girls had 3D64B633-B17D-41A5-9117-F1F43D1C33C5to have and for many to sign. I have it still, of course, safely packed away with my other treasures from youth. Many wrote in my book but because my fifth grade teacher signed it, I wrote about her, too, but to say I was special to her, made that book like gold to me (The Light is On). I cannot get rid of that. Maybe I have just been a sentimental old soul all these years.

I know when I die, a lot of my stuff will end up on the Goodwill shelves, too, or pitched. My boys, well they are boys, and my daughter-in-law will roll her eyes and hold open the trash bag. For now though, these little things and some bigger things mean a lot to me, even if packed away. I still have them. The sweet memories of just writing about them makes me tear up because of the one(s) who gave it. The item itself is just that, but I must have meant something to the person giving me a gift, perhaps so I would not forget them.

I did not realize until counseling with her asking me those questions plus being so sentimental, that is just me. I like that part of me. I don’t take our relationship as a friend or family member for granted. Somewhere in there, my heart was touched and felt care and love, which I yearned for as a child and still as an adult.

I am one that dealt with abandonment issues and fear. Even as much as four to five years ago, as an old lady that I am, this counselor helped me understand ‘me’ more. In my own research, outside of counseling, I learned about transitional items. The reason why items (gifts) are special to me. Holding onto an item is to keep a person near basically, in my terms of understanding. All of those items I have from childhood, these people are still with me. I have a part of them to see and hold, while they remain in my heart of deep felt love and appreciation. While some are deceased, it is also the same, as I have not forgotten them.

6ED80AC5-761B-42CC-B7FD-F11679E6D5A7I remember this one counseling session, right before she was to leave for a two-week vacation. I hated her vacations although I understood she needed time away like we all do. Still, I was a mess due to the abandonment issues in my life.  Two weeks felt like two years. It was this one session, I was aware now of a transitional item, a thing to help such individuals, as myself, adapt through a separation period. It for one is embarrassing, to realize and admit this is an issue when an adult but we worked through it. I had to but I did not like it. I remember saying to her, as I am sitting on the sofa, next to the pretty pillow, as she is in her chair taking notes, but before I left, I told her that I wanted her ink pen and explained why. The pen was held by her hand, writing notes about me while she is listening to me. I wanted that pen. Maybe a quick note was jotted down at that point… crazy.

Just in that, I was her only focus but I was going to lose her for those two weeks (14 days). That pen would have not left my sight or would have been in my pocket those two weeks. I would have given it back to her. Sadly, she did not give me that pen to hold and carry. I survived but I never forgot that moment in the session. It all makes sense to me now why I have done things in life, as such, even having a picture. This has been a part of me all my life, unsure when abandonment started but I now have a clearer picture of the questions behind it. 7B86F61B-2DD4-41EB-905D-7347E4E051B0

Whether it is an tangible item to keep a memory alive or just the memories, each and every person that comes into our lives is a gift, and we should be the same in return.

Most importantly, God’s love for us is a gift. He understands us when we don’t understand ourselves. He loves us unconditionally.

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Are You a People Pleaser?

“If you are a People Pleaser your heart is in the right place. Wanting to take care of others is not a bad thing and if more people had a little bit of what you have, the world would be a better place. However, you cannot do this at the expense of yourself. A balance is needed.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shrink/201210/are-you-people-pleaser

The song that goes like this, “If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right” comes to mind as I write, as I would say, “If gift giving and doing for others is wrong, I don’t want to be right.” I know, silly but true.

No doubt I was noted as a people pleaser, co-defendant, etc.,  or other labels in the counselor’s notes, as I remember questions asked, etc. So what! This is one part of me that I like. Giving did not put me into bankruptcy but gave my heart joy to give and bring joy to another. When I die, I would hope many would say I was caring and generous than mean and stingy.

Characteristics of Generous People That Set Them Apart
  1. Generous people care. People that give truly and freely do so because they care. …
  2. Generous people have no expectations. …
  3. Generous people are optimistic. …
  4. Generous people have humility. …
  5. Generous people are patient. …
  6. Generous people have purpose. …
  7. Generous people are energetic. …
  8. Generous people are leaders.

 

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I Became Her

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The other night I had to laugh at myself, as I was reading something with my reading glasses on and looked up, realizing my glasses were lower on my nose, and I am looking over the rim. When I was young, I’d see older D686905C-1D11-421E-B8BA-B51B3989E663women doing just this and hated it, thinking I will never do that. I became her.

Going back in my memories, my parents would dress up and go to company dinners. I was young and was always fascinated watching my mom put makeup on at the bathroom mirror, as most little girls do. When finished and the final step was the lipstick, as she would always give a quick pucker-up kiss as a stamp of approval.  I stood in the doorway, just watching and waiting. Before she started the process of applying makeup though, the Oil of Olay 28BC5192-DB01-4419-8E45-0D3C94E0B990would be smeared on her face, with me asking why she does that. Of course, her reply was that it was to reduce wrinkles. I told her that I was not going to have wrinkles. I still remember her slight laughter and saying, okay we will see how that works out. I became her.

F57FFC5C-C925-4E3A-8D64-CCF2AB296D17Another time with mom, she loved Jergens hand lotion and used regularly. I looked at her hands and from years and age, her skin was looser than mine, being a child, as I observed the differences. Of course in my child’s mind and stating the fact, my hands will not look like that. Today, I have aged and I see my mother’s hands when I look at my own. I became her.

When I was in fifth grade, my teacher was so pretty. I was at an age of growing up, going through puberty. While I had sisters and my mom, they were too busy to help me in areas that young girls should know about. I watched this teacher, admired her hair, how she dressed, matching shoes, jewelry, plus she had a sweet and caring personality. To me, she was a role model, and I learned by observing and paying attention to details, which have helped me through my life. I became her.

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As I was in my senior year of high school, not knowing what I was going to do after graduation when asked by the shorthand/typing teacher. I really and truly had no ideal what the future held for me. It was when she not asked if we wanted to go but said we were going to the local Vocational School for Business & Office training. This teacher took two of us to visit the school, and we signed up because she said to, so my friend and I went to Vocational School. This has been my livelihood since 1977. With her teaching me, leading me, actually guided my life, I have been able to succeed and teach others. I became her.

During this pandemic, with no haircuts and a lot of things we take for granted were not being had. As I was working in the yard, I had a bandana around my neck as my sister visited and I pulled up over my mouth and nose, not knowing what we were all dealing with and respect for her. As I continued to work, sweating but making progress with our landscape, I took that bandana and slipped it on my head, holding back my hair that is now longer than usual. I went into the house at one point and glanced at a mirror on the way out, stopped and laughed as I saw my mom’s reflection look back at me, as she would wear a bandana the same way. I became her.DE7D0BC6-5908-4C15-9461-DDFDA9063584

Many have been in my life as role models, some as a mother figure to help me, to care and to give me those hugs that I longed for in my life. So many helped me know how to be a Christian and mature in my faith. Others, helped me understand life and who I am. To be a wife and a mother, and how to love and teach my children, I watched many through the years. Plus, how to be a good daughter-in-law and how to be a good mother-in-law. I have been touched by so many in my life and I can truly say from each one, I became her. Blessed

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 We tend to become like those we admire.” Thomas Monson
“Sometimes a teacher is the only positive role model a student will see each day.”
“God puts people in our lives on purpose so we can help them succeed and help them become all He created them to be. Most people will not reach their full potential without somebody else believing in them.” Joel Osteen 

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