Sometimes I Feel Like a Rock

Sometimes I don’t!

Sometimes you feel like a nut
Sometimes you don’t
Almond Joy’s got nuts
Mounds don’t

Now you have that little jingle in your head. You’re welcome!

There are those days I feel like a rock. You know, it could be a bad hair day, or the gray hairs are sparkling and proving my age, the wrinkles look a little more deeper than the day before, the weight seems to increase and can make one feel hopeless, perhaps a sock gets a hole in the toe which can be annoying or perhaps the clothes or undergarments are just not comfortable. Those days I’d rather stay in bed with a cover of my head. On top of something like those mentioned, somebody’s mood or my own just makes the day even worse and then the emotions show up in tears. Those days are rough and hard to get through.

The next day, I may not feel like such a rock. The hair, the makeup and what you are wearing makes you feel good about yourself and nobody can get your goat and ruin your day. A bring it on attitude of confidence oozes from your glow from your face as your posture is upright while holding your head up and smile at the world. Those are good days and we all need more of them. Hopefully, for the most part, those days are more common than not.

Just recently, I had an opportunity in one of my Facebook groups to enjoy an online sale of geodes and rocks found and tumbled to make into jewelry. I have always found geodes fascinating and have always wanted to go mine rocks to set out and enjoy the beauty. While shopping is fun and it is easier to buy jewelry but playing and digging in dirt would be fun, too. As a child, if there was a mud puddle, I was in it standing and splashing or riding my bike through it and dirt splattered all over me. It made for a fun day or outside fun.

This online Facebook sale is of many in the family I have followed through the years, as each one was involved in one thing or another and I feel like I know them personally. I found it interesting that this father-daughter duo would go rock mining and come back home to show them off while both actively washing the rocks to prepare them many ways. I did not know until that morning of their online sale, which was a must.

The daughter, Cindy, was holding a geode and telling of the online sale. She also held and talked about how we sometimes talk negatively about ourselves or even another. The outside of the rock is full of cracks and crevices and not that pretty, which is what we see. Not good for nothing, it’s a rock. We see the bad parts of ourselves, the wrinkles, gray hair, etc.

With this geode, she turned it over and showed where her father, Pop, cut it in half. The inside of this geode was beautiful. Cindy went onto express how this is how God sees us and that we are inside. There is beauty and a lot of intricate pieces within that makes us unique and special. Not her words exactly but you get the gist or perhaps how I heard her and I am trying to express.

The geodes mined are all different, you and I, each person, are all different. We have good and we have bad or of days of how we see and feel about ourselves or life itself. We have a choice. Do we want to just be the outside of the rock and sit there until we die or do we want to open up and show the beauty within of the gifts and talents, the love, care and kindness to share of what the Lord has given us?

He made us to show up and show off what He has done, as we are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Lord. To understand the smallest and intricate details of our lives occur according to the plan of the Lord, how can we not bring Him glory and praise? When we know and do this, we love ourselves and exemplify His love in us so that we can give to others. They see Him in us.

We may experience some days when we may feel like an old ugly rock. May you and I always know and remember that deep within, we are beautiful.

To love yourself was always hard for me to grasp, as I could only see most the rock formation due to circumstances in my life. Plus, I did not want to be stuck on myself as I have seen that happen. I found it easier to love others and see and even express their worth and beauty, but not my own. I’m sure my counselor wanted to throw a rock at me and say, “Why can’t you grasp this?” Still, as I am better in this of caring and loving myself, I cringe. Just writing that, I did. Even though, I know deep down I am made in the image of God, He made me who I am, He has given me gifts and talents and no matter what I look like on the outside or feel on the inside, He Loves Me. In that, it is all that matters. He loves me so much that I can love myself and I wish that for you.

So sometimes we feel like a rock and sometimes we don’t.

Interesting that this blog came about this weekend with Easter. As I held my geode in my hand and turned it over and over to look at it, the thought of the tomb. The stone, it was rolled away.

He Lives!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/321200912519586/?ref=share

Pops Rockz – Facebook

It’s Time To Be Quiet

My hopes, my dreams, my goals and my plans are for me. Those things that are in the working stages in my life are mine to hope for, figure out, contemplate and discover. They are not yours, they are mine. Many times when we speak of such to another, they don’t understand or care enough as we would like and to not fully understand our journey that we are on. We walk away sometimes discouraged. The reason being, it is not their journey. It’s ours.

Your journey is not my journey. I am not to point my finger and tell you what to do or make you feel less than because I do not agree. Many have their opinions and are willing to freely give. Some are good points to consider but the final choice is ours, good or bad. Perhaps their input is pushing the plan a little quicker than we’d prefer but we know to wait. The wait is hard to understand and impatience shows up to rush the plan. Just do it! No! An uneasiness within catches my attention and it should. Timing, as I have mentioned before in my blogs, it will happen when the time is right. Of course, I have had those moments thinking if am I right, am I just afraid or just plain stupid. Waiting is hard.

As I shared some information the other day with another, I walked away feeling as though I don’t want to share nothing any further. Something was different, it’s like I am to be quiet. It’s not a withdrawal of sharing due to depression but the steps I now must take is to be private. It is not necessary to share everything. As it comes to pass, my faith grows because my trust is in the Lord and not others. He says, I know the desires of your heart. I must believe Him.

There is an excitement within me to figure out what lies ahead. Early in this pandemic, I woke up and immediately sat up in bed with the words, saying aloud, “Do you trust Me?” Another time, the same but more of a peaceful expression, “You are my hiding place.” Each time I would write such words down and put before me to see on my wall near my chair that only I see, as I don’t want to forget and I want to be reminded. I look at it often and oftentimes say it to hear myself, to know that it is okay, to have peace. The words, “Be Still and know that I am God,” is one I glance at often when I worry, more of my son with this one verse but also in all things, when thoughts come that bring fear.

I know He knows my name and I know He knows where I am. Just knowing He knows, a peace comes when I feel unsteady going forward and what is around me seems chaotic. Too many years have passed of holding onto those words to not believe and watch what is to happen. Faith. We must have faith!

Trusting yourself, to trust the Lord, brings growth.

https://www.mondayslife.com/the-season-of-transition-waiting-on-god-for-the-next-move/

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2014/06/11/lord-i-dont-know-what-to-do

“Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow.” Psalm 25:4 (NLT)

Let Me Hide

Today at church, which has been great to attend again, a late, smaller service and no cameras. Just for me. Too many have been ill with the virus through the months, so I declined going. The morning was beautiful with the sunshine, even though it was quite cold. The joy of knowing springtime is near.

I was reminded today of how far I have come.

As I am sitting there waiting for church to start, a lady commented that my face looks thinner. I had to laugh and said, yes I hear that all the time. While nice of noticing a difference in my face, it actually hurts me when this is said. I get frustrated more with myself. It makes me feel hopeless.

Also, it is my internal thoughts that start stealing my peace and my joy each time, because it is like a look of disgust received that I am still fat. I am.

As I turned to sit in my seat ready for service, for a couple of minutes, I had a war within. All the negative thoughts were being thrown at me and an urge to go hide. Just go hide, as it hurts too much. I was considering to leave and go home to feel safe in my rocking chair, throw the covers over my head and call it a day. All because I am fat, the thoughts of unworthiness, I should hide my fat, I am a disgrace nobody wants to see me, etc. WOW

The struggle was real but I worked through it soon after and stayed. I am not where I want to be, but I am not where I used to be. There were many years. I did hide.

Life can throw some heavy rocks of condemnation, unworthiness, shame and every negative word or thoughts to the point of hopelessness. I was there, in a pit of despair for so many years due to several circumstances. I had given up. What’s the use, just hide and let my comfortable chair hug me to a long deep sleep, sometimes hoping I would not wake up.

Even though I deal with weight issues, which I allowed to increase over the years. Depression will do that to you, as some of you may know. I have had to deal with being over weight. We probably each have a struggle in one way or another. Exactly where the enemy wants us, to hide and be depressed, believing the lies.

This won’t be the last time that I will be told my face looks thinner and then they glance at my body. It hurts because I see it happening, and I know I will need to deal with it afterwards. Thankfully, I did not leave church. I did not go hide in my bedroom and rock the negative thoughts to sleep. It can feel like a prison, locked up.

The first worship song, I sang along and clapped my hands, while still tossing a few of those negative thoughts. It was about the third time around of hearing and seeing the words on the screen and me singing, “He set me free, Yes He set me free, and He broke the bonds of prison for me” I actually felt joy rise up within me.

I know I have been in prison, not actual prison, but one in my mind that I am no good, etc. I don’t want to even type the words now of what I struggled with again or elaborate. I think you get it.

I am worthy of God’s Love whether I am overweight with a thinner face or whatever. He loves me. I don’t need to go hide away from life and people. I don’t need to fear but have peace knowing He is doing a work in me.

Perhaps you understand and at times want to hide yourself as the negative thoughts bombard your mind, or people are unkind in their words whether they know it or not. Whatever it might be. Please know, YOU are Worthy of God’s Love. He loves YOU.

I felt the prison bars opened for me today. I just need to walk out with my head held high. I don’t need to run off and hide. Just shut the door for no re-entry when those moments come and I want to hide.

Lord, don’t let me hide.

“I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” (Isaiah 45:2-3) 

..if the Son sets you free, you will be absolutely free. John 8:36

“God has opened the prison doors for you to walk out into the freedom He promised through Christ.

https://findingtruthwithin.com/2016/04/29/freedom-friday/

https://bessg.wordpress.com/2013/02/12/prison-in-our-life/

https://biblestudentsdaily.com/2016/08/18/isaiah-611-the-opening-of-the-prison/