Grief

Goodbye Old Friends

ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

This week has been hard, emotionally and physically. I recently had knee surgery and relearning how to walk after reconstruction. This on top of learning of two friends dying within days is too much.

The one friend, her and I have been friends since high school (late 1970’s). Sadly, her admittance to the hospital came after taking a dosage of medicine after hearing her husband tell her that he found another woman. This state in her body led to further complications, a medical induced-coma and death. My friend is gone. I can only imagine the anger felt by her family toward this husband of hers that is taking place, as I feel the same. Too many struggles in this marriage and now this. Just sad.

The other, was a guy I had a crush on since fifth grade. Later in high school and after we we graduated, we dated off and on. I loved him and his family but life took us different directions. This one hurt. Always a dream of us later in life reconnecting. That dream has vanished. There is still a love and connection, which now holds only memories.

Perhaps the physical pain but also feeling my age through it all and many as we age passing, grief becomes real and reality sets in with each one, knowing my time is nearing.

Enjoy life. Grief comes to us all in deaths or loss of a relationship for whatever reason. Grief is grief. Acknowledge, cry, wipe the tears and cherish the memories. We all go through this. We all will get through this.

Online

ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

I sometimes wonder if other mothers are like me. As we have babies and they grow, we are the one who tends to them and the responsibility is great but so rewarding, even though we do get tired.

Once high school is over, these kids are venturing out in the world. Little by little as this moment of release, we have felt the relationship loosen its grip of needing mom. On the first one, I felt a grief and on the second, I recognized what I was sensing. A sadness, a grief of no longer being needed. I would, of course, always be their mom but not in the same role. It’s hard.

Then there is college. Wow! They are on their own in an unknown place , making unknown friends and having choices in all areas of good and bad. Mama has no control. There is no curfew or rules and a new-found freedom is exciting for them. All the while, as each child leaves, the ‘empty nest’ becomes real.

As a mom or as parents, we learn to live differently. Who is this man I married or vice versa, who am I to this man. A real test there may take place. The child(ren) find their path as the parent(s) do.

It’s been ten plus years with both of my children living on their own. Thankfully, college brought 4.0 grades for both and many good friends. There were some moments here and there but that’s life.

I don’t talk or call/text them daily and there may be days or weeks, as I know they have a life and busy. They will contact me at times, which I am overly thrilled and will stop what I am doing to share this time. I have learned to FaceTime with them, which is nerve wracking for me but normal for them. I’m learning. I’m blessed with two great young men.

They have had my prayers even before I had them and they will until my last breath. One thing, they will never have to doubt is my love or my prayers for them.

Tonight, and other times, I can see if they are online in certain social media outlets. I laughed at myself, as just seeing that, it gives me a peace. I see that they are there. I am here. It just kind of makes everything in the world okay for this mom.

I am their mom, always will be, online or offline. ❤️❤️

The Third

ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

I wait somewhat patiently, although anxiously.

In all of my life, which is many years, now being a senior citizen, I have always heard the line, “it comes in threes.” This could be appliances breakdown, financial crisis, or deaths usually. No doubt you have heard and experienced such saying.

The stroke of anticipation or perhaps fear knowing this does hold true, for the most part. Or have I/we just count to three and move on to reset the mode?

This past week, I had a bout with irregular heartbeat, which can cause some disturbance with the body, of course, but mentally. Am I going to die? Is this the one that will carry me onto Glory? Im still here. Shew!

Prior to this, my sweet neighbor passed on Monday morning. Her death was expected in time but it became a reality. It placed some sadness on our small, dead end street between neighbors.

Then on Friday morning, my tall trooper of a neighbor with many medical issues passed away from a heart attack, as he was beginning his day.

Within these five days, two deaths. Both houses are my view from my chair, as I write. How odd is that? Too close for comfort, now that grief has expanded.

Now if I die, this is a perfect triangle. How morbid thinking, I know, but my heart could have went haywire on me more-so to cause death. Am I number three, yet?

How odd, this is all so close. Both neighbors are grieving. Hopefully, I will be a strong anchor for them in the days ahead by being a good neighbor but praying for them of their comings and their goings or the emotions that emerge behind closed doors.

If all comes in threes, well number three is soon to come. It could be anyone. It could be anytime.

Death. It happens to us all, at some point. Until, please live and live life and take care of you. When the time comes, have no regrets. Live your best life now.

Be Blessed.

Matthew 5:4
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”