Chill Out, Mom!

FA196F8F-96AE-42D9-BBB0-4C820F458972We all know what is happening all around us and will have to deal with it in one way or another. If you don’t know what is happening, then your head is stuck in the sand. Get it out and pay attention.

I know for myself, I am tired of hearing and reading about this Coronavirus, of which you are reading about in my writing. I want it over and done, let’s get back to our daily routine. Sadly, we haven’t even hit the peak of this madness.

Why do our children, like my grown son, a millennial, just shrug this off? Mom, it’s nothing, don’t fear the hype. Chill out! My thought… DO NOT tell me to chill out! 6951BD5D-C8D5-472C-8B5B-CE9D1CF9C677

Have you ever just wanted to reach through the phone and jerk a knot in their behind?

The past seven days he has been in Florida working and a enjoying a mini vacation. I do believe his head has been in the sand.  Trying to encourage him to go get some canned goods, etc., and not to forget toilet paper, which apparently is a must through this ordeal. Maybe if and/or when he goes to the local store(s) and see for himself the empty shelves, he will believe me.

As a mom, no matter what age our children are, I have found you still worry, even though you pray for God’s hedge of protection to cover them.

While I am not in a panic, I know many are and fear is rampant on the faces and hopelessness only to grow in the days ahead. Trying to express, without fear in my tone, but the urgency, encourage and push him to action. This may be one time, yet again, that he has to learn on his own and this mom has to back off to trust the Lord through the process.B42F5D6B-EB20-4C02-8BC3-8B7C9E9BA442

It is so hard at times, like God needs my help. You know?  I, of course, know better. My faith will grow, even though tears may fall and the cries of my heart in prayers that are never ending for my child. His faith will grow, too, in God and in his mom, realizing he should have listened

I do plan to have a box for him of food to use if needed and no doubt he will roll his eyes when I drop this off over the weekend. Surely, he will not tell me to chill out while in his presence. Let’s hope not.

Children! You just got to love them.

I know years later, he will regret moments between him and I and of not spending more time with me and knowing his mom better in his adult years.  I think we probably all go through this.

So for now, I’m…C86903F3-4519-46FD-9FBC-0FA8603CBD38

 

https://www1.cbn.com/parenting/parenting-out-of-faith-not-fear

 

How to Trust God With Your Adult Children

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Arena Seats

A2557CBC-A7FF-4DDA-B4F3-86309D05D9ABI really do enjoying going to plays and sporting events but through the years I withdrew going because of the seats. When younger, it was not a big issue but when marriage, children and weight gain, I was unhappy in my marriage and the emotional eating took reigns over my life. I hid and was very self-conscious of my weight and my hips, a pear shaped body.
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I am sure others can relate as weight gain causes many issues, the emotional toil that unhappiness brings and in whatever circumstances.  The hopelessness builds and soon no desire to be in the outside world. Just hide.

F9C8F1F1-6089-4C58-8DA1-0DEFB441A8ECI was thinking back when my former counselor discussed my hesitancy for me to even go to the grocery store, I would put it off and cringed as I walk through the store hiding behind the grocery cart. My hiding became worse when my boys went off to college because I had no need to be in the outside world, other than work. Home to work, work to home and hibernate in my bedroom until the next morning. I knew I was depressed but I knew I was also unhappy in my situation and had been. The empty nest wrecked havoc on my life, more alone than ever, no joy and now no laughter existed.

My oldest was to perform in a large football stadium with the college band, he was the lead percussionist. I will go out on a limb for my children and push myself while freezing of fear inside. Enjoying but falling apart inside.351BB8E9-C777-489D-8B02-85D36BB936BB

My boss gave me two tickets to go see my son perform, which I thought was so thoughtful. Two tickets. I knew one was for me and one for my husband. My thought immediately went to two things, one that I had to take my husband and at that time in my life, I hated the man.  The other were the seats, wondering if I could even fit. Anxiety to the max and making me feel worse than I was already.  How would I deal with this nice gesture from my boss, was always on the back of my mind counting the days down of the event.

To add onto the matter, my other son had an event the same day and time, at another location. I cannot do both and neither could their father. As I weighed out the D0047B2E-21FB-413C-ADAD-5637BA452CD5matter, it came down to my weight and the fear of the arena seats. I had my sister go with my husband to the arena with my camera and instructions to take many pictures. My sister and my husband got along great, actually she is the only one in my family that tolerates him, and still. I went to my younger son’s performance. All is well. My sister took many pictures and one was absolutely perfect.

I felt like I disappointed my boss though, as he bought those tickets for me. Now another task I need to concern myself with and that was how do I tell him that I did not go.  How do you tell him that I did not want to be with my husband or feared I would not fit in the seat? Knowing one day I will share with him but it is not time yet. Thankfully, he knew of my predicament with my other son and the time constraint but I am sure disappointed.  I was, too, for that matter. In more reasons than many realized.  It’s done, over, let’s move on.DD0C4332-F319-47C7-862C-B7711E9C395A

In other events, with other arena seats, I could not avoid. I made the best of it but uncomfortable.  Uncomfortable sitting and the pain within of depression. Once settled in my seat, I would glance over and see another large woman squeezing in her seat. My thoughts of I understand plus wondering if she, too, was struggling with depression, probably so; were they happily married, I do not know but doubtful. It kept my mind occupied while avoiding the close quarters of my own relationship. To escape mentally but wanting to physically.

BB92CBBB-9814-4F5D-B347-229926993A3AWe never know what the next person to us or in our paths are going through. Nobody knew my situation for a long time, even in mine or his family or our friends. I wore the mask well.

To see my picture recently from back then to now, side by side, I look so different. Not even the same person, which is good. I could see the sadness in my puffy, fat face and remember what struggles I went through and endured for years. It’s sad to even look at honestly, such a difference.

F568FC4E-EC16-484E-9DAB-1532498C760COftentimes, many look at heavy set women, and men, think that they are lazy. Perhaps they are but underneath the layers of fat are layers of pain. Physical pain as well as mental, spiritual but most will be emotional pain. They need hope and encouragement. It is none of our business to have all the details what made them that way, but there is a story behind the emotional eating.

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While I have made some changes in my life in all areas right past five years, it feels good. I feel good, better than I did, maybe ever. It has not been easy but I knew I had to take the bull by the horns to be in this place. As the old saying goes, don’t forget where you came from, is a wise one. As with me, I did not go through all of my pain of a sad and lonely marriage, wearing a mask to appear happy, fear of arena seats, weight gain, depression, just to name a few. Plus, 901D9BA0-FE77-4F49-8933-23D227800906turning it around with weight loss, hours and years of counseling, pushing myself out of my comfort zones, involved in church, groups, etc., walking in 5K  marathons, but most of all acknowledging and knowing that I AM WORTHY and that God loves ME no matter. I never could grasp those words and now I do not want to let go of them.

Do I still dread the arena seats? Honestly, I don’t dread as much but I do dislike. I may fit somewhat better now but going down memory triggers a depressive state within for a period, memories I would rather forget.

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We all go through situations in life. Oftentimes, our pain and experience is to help others… to go through. We do go THROUGH! Don’t give up. Trust Him!

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And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.Romans 8:28

Don’t Waste Your Pain

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Son Up, Son Down

C0F7572C-8427-49F4-90C1-1FC70020B394Yes, it is just that, son up, son down; not sun up, sun down, in this writing.

As a parent of two adult sons, one is just like me when I was young and conflict is battling between us, at times, as we are both headstrong. I have made my mistakes, and still do, but I have learned many things through the years. I know within myself I am trying to  prevent some heartache for him but knowing also I cannot. He must walk this road himself and experience life, good or bad. It is not to say that my heart does not ache in the process to know and to watch him fumble in areas. Would he listen to me anyway? No. I wouldn’t at his age so I understand but it is so hard.

E635C634-89BF-4693-A4DA-99BE40FACAECBeing a mother, the best role ever and I feel blessed to have this opportunity in life with my sons but sometimes it is the hardest role in life. Sometimes, well many, many times, I am so proud and at times just wanting to throw my hands up in exhaustion but still remain faithful to my child(ren) in love but not enabling; having a balance with each personality, etc. My heart screams out at times, Lord, I do not know what to do or how to help.EB1E6905-6FE6-48D0-A84C-B03E4491AE54

Turning our fear and brokenness over to God is all that we can do. He knows my son(s) better than I do. Of course, He does but that’s my son in our selfish thinking and no doubt He just smiles knowing my child, you also are mine, reminding me I am His. I know your concern, worries and I see your tears over your child at this time. Trust Me!  In that, I have to let go and Trust Him.

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Letting go and letting them stretch their wings but wanting to hold on is so hard. I have given them both space to grow, think independently, make decisions, etc., and they have done well, but I am their mom, I need to step in to help. Right? Again, No!

I read this comment from a mother to another and how perfect. Your parenting in the flesh is over.” “It’s time to parent him in the Spirit. Pray for your son(s) and/or daughter(s) and trust God to do what you cannot do — and He will.”  Just with that, the love I know of the Lord and has for each one of us releases me to trust Him. I do not need to fret and have sleepless nights and worry. I, of course, will always love, care and pray for my children. Yes, the worry and concern will pop back into the picture at times, yet to be reminded of this very wise advice, brings faith in knowing God can take care of our child(ren). To think, He does not need our help. That’s God!C84B3BD5-9AB5-47B3-84ED-C27369A9408B

In knowing that my son has dealt with some depression this past year has made this task a wavering one from fear to faith and back again. My son is up but sometimes my son is down. Aren’t we all like that at times?  As a mother, we do not want to see the down, depressive side but at least he is open with me and I can discern the ups and downs. No matter, son up or son down, I will love and support him from sun up to sun down every day of my life, hoping he will know after my death that his mother loved him.D167416F-69FA-49C4-878A-4EFDECE646B1

Respect your adult children’s need to make their own way, to grapple with the issues, morals, and cultural complexities of their generation. Give them space to learn and grow just as you did.”

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Young and Stupid

109AFED2-EACF-4123-A491-4DAFC3FF4F62I definitely remember being just that… young and stupid. A lot of things could be said, but I got through and learned some major lessons, some the hard way. So I try to remember my youth and the rebelliousness and my ways when listening to my son with his thoughts and plans recently.

I am sure each one of us could admit that, too, of making crazy decisions. This one thing that came to mind when talking to him and growing irritable with him 897E95B7-AE85-48FB-AFB8-49BE3FCE5C83within, while trying my best to remain calm, was when I withdrew my retirement.

I did not listen to anyone, ask for direction or do any research of what happens if I took out my retirement of almost twelve years working. At that time in my life, being newly married and expecting a baby, we did not feel that old age would be an issue or come so quickly. How crazy is that? It did! While it was a nice down payment on our first house, I lost out. I find myself still having regret over this but there again, young and stupid. I could have retired many years ago, remain working at my present job to accumulate more for a second retirement. Now, I will work longer in life but thankfully I enjoy my job. I learned my lesson and will advise others to not do what I did.  83C51930-D5F0-4ACF-BB1C-242F4E6701C6

No doubt years from now, my son will have some regrets. He is so much like me. Somewhat scary. Still he will learn, the hard way. E6246A32-09B3-4C05-8DD3-3A3B90CE9804

He is a full-grown adult now, I have no say really in his life anymore or the decisions he will make. As his mother, it gives me great joy and pride in how well he has done but in other areas, I want to scream, please listen to me or someone. While the control and panic is felt within my body and my mind is swirling of how it would be better if he would listen, I still have to let go and realize he has to walk his own path. All I can do is pray.F0C03789-7C93-4E10-8546-7AABEFC5690C

Being a parent is wonderful but it is hard. No matter how old they get, there is still that motherly instinct to oversee them. Letting go was hard years ago when my boys attended college, knowing home would never be the same, for them or for us. I feel as though it is letting go once again.

594E5D97-9828-4048-9114-D852E3644F95One day, the roles will be reversed by them taking care of me and making decisions on my behalf and odds are, I will not listen to them or be happy with some decisions made or worse. Guess I better keep my mouth shut now.BA016A88-5F6D-4BE7-A682-4D876C84F3F1

Oh to be young and stupid. I would definitely do things a lot differently in so many ways. I have heard that from so many through the years.

So I will continue and will to my dying day, pray for my boys, love them and support them in all they do. I may not like some things but they will never have to doubt my love for them.17CDC782-B2B7-4571-9385-0DD5C62B8848

The Lord knows and sees each one of us and we all make and will make  some not-so-good decisions at times and mistakes, etc. Still, He loves us like no other and He will always be there for us. May we never doubt His Love for us. Trust Him.

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