I wish I had wings like a dove.
I wish I had wings like a dove.
“Prov. Children like to listen to adult conversations and can understand a lot of what they hear. (Used to warn another adult not to talk about something because there is a child present.) I started to tell Mary about the date I had on Saturday, but she interrupted me, saying, “Little pitchers have big ears,” and looked pointedly at her six-year-old daughter, who was in the room with us.”
Just that one look, numerous times told me as a young child I was in the way and not wanted. I guess I could almost mind read at that age of get out, you are not welcome, you are in the way and so on and so on.
No wonder I felt rejected and unloved as a child.
Years and years, those words rang over in my mind. I always thought it was pictures on the wall, as pictures with faces have ears but it is a pitcher because the handle is shaped like an ear. Go figure! I just learned that today as I am typing this.
I am sure this was just a warning to the other adult but to a child, it held significance.
While there were times I heard the discussion being had, I don’t remember much. Although at an early age, I knew that time was a private time usually between my Mother and another, giving advice or just listening to one vent and then the tears would come, Mom calling this time, having church.
With each of these church services, as they called it, I knew I was to not tell what I heard. I learned early on to be private and not gossip, which is not a bad thing.
To this day, I feel that if you confide in me, that is locked in me not to share, ever. A good quality.
Still, the fact of just now realizing those words and meaning caused great harm to me of feeling rejected. To look back, I never once had a ‘church service’ as such, in that sense.
Now, I understand it’s not pictures but pitchers. Through many years of counseling on childhood issues, not just about this but it made a huge impact, more than I realized.
Today, I know that I am wanted, I am loved and I can heal from the brokenness within by God. To deal with this today, and to understand and to know my place, healing can begin moreso and I welcome it.
I still struggle but understanding the root of the problem, I know He is doing a work in me. I welcome God to heal the broken places within my heart. He loves me like no other.
If this can relate to you, He also loves you, please know you are worthy and He can heal your broken places within, too. Trust Him!
The untold story will wreck havoc on a family so in denial. Where to even begin. Is it a book that is written in annomity or by fact?
Kind of reminds me of the book, The Help. You know the characters but you have to surmise and wonder.
That’s where I am. Where to begin. I have bits and pieces all around me in notes, actual chapters of how and what went down but putting them all together and tying it together, is yet another thing.
We can all write a book probably and I sometimes think why would I want to add another to the shelves that are way more popular and exquisite than mine would be. Still, I have an untold story that just may bring hope to another. Or at least add to some juicy gossip.
Who knows what will transpire but if it is meant to be, it will.
How or why is it that family members do not speak of love? To say ‘I Love You’ is hard and/or I guess embarrassing. I have never figured this out within my own family. It is that you just know because you know, you are family and you’re loved. These words are not said. How sad is that?
Even the thought of asking others in the family if they feel a void in love, is off limits. True feelings are not discussed. This makes my heart hurt. My heart has hurt for years of longing for the love that a child/adult should feel or have had received.
Leaving a family member today, my sister, I hugged and I did say I love you and she just looked at me. Perhaps shocked. I was thinking and even hoping that those words would be reciprocated but not. I wonder if they know or feel this, too.
It took years to get this far though. Before, for years, it was hello/goodbye and no hug so we’ve come a long way baby, as they say.
It is easier to say ‘I Love You’ to a friend than it is a family member. Why is that? To get a kiss on the cheek is definitely not going to happen. I have only a few friends that give me a kiss on the cheek when leaving, along with a hug. Those mean so much. I hold onto those moments.
My children hug me and I cherish those hugs. They know, too, that this Mom will ask for one more hug before they leave to go home. It’s just expected, with a grin. I will always hug them, kiss their cheek and say ‘I Love You’ so they will never have to guess or wonder if I do. I do!
Never let your child(ren) leave without saying those words to them or while they are in your presence. Hug them, pat their arm or back, as the power of touch is healing. They need to know you love them. They may pull away or act embarrassed, especially teenagers, but odds are they want that.
Although, if you only do this while in a drunken/drugged state, that will be a definite turnoff. I don’t blame them, as I experienced that. If that is the only times of love shown, it is not love. Just plain sad.