Do You Trust Me?

We are instructed and reminded either by sermons heard or in a crisis and people reminding us to trust the Lord A74A2627-6647-4D3A-96FF-FF5552C617C9with all our heart. Many times this is written in the Bible of Trust Me. The hope knowing He is there for us and always will be with us, brings peace.  Bottom line, we are to trust Him. No if, ands, or buts about it. Trust Him!

In the past, I have trusted Him, I had to. In situations in my life, marriage that was dying, several family members desiring me to suffer and to die, health issues and just barely crawling or even breathing, I knew to hold onto Him.536B0147-9D8F-48B3-A988-1CCD5BDE0122

Of course, many don’t trust Him, which is evident all around us. To be honest, I had my doubts at time. In periods of desperation and loneliness, screaming out audibly at times and most times were under my breathe in anger. Where are You, Lord? Why am I in this situation and You allowed it? Why? WHY? Even to the point of saying, I am angry with You!

BCA0F826-75CB-459A-9503-BD6800399A02Just with that last statement, I am sure some eyes will widen in shock and gasps of the ‘oh my’ with judgement and shameful that I don’t love the Lord. It felt wrong to do that but it was the truth. Well, guess what? He knows I was angry anyway about my situations and even with Him. He knows me, He knows my coming and my going, He knows the number of hairs on my head so it was no surprise to Him that I was and confessed that I was angry with Him. Believe it or not, I felt a deeper connection with Him after that outburst.

FC7471B9-F55F-481F-A51A-5FCA910CB6EFSeveral that knew what I was facing in my marriage said to leave, even a counselor. No, I can’t. I would suffer and hold on for my boys, it was best financially and even though I felt stuck and had no hope or joy, I always felt that it was not in God’s Timing to leave. I will know when it is time. Perhaps a codependency on my part, but I know to wait upon the Lord.

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In regard to my family members, let them talk, tell lies and whatever they do, as I was to remain in peace and forgive. Did it hurt? It just about put me under in all areas of my life, and that was their goal. It does not mean I am to be buddy-buddy with them but at a distance I still care and know they are family, even though they disowned me. I am to pray for them. Yikes! The praying part was a hard one but I can now and do. God knows their heart, as He knows mine and yours, too. There are some that no matter what you do, it would never be enough. The Lord will fight my battles, I need to do nothing. I am not to convince anyone of those that heard the lies and comments that I am a good person.

My health has taken hits over and over again, knowing my situation and what I have dealt with did not help, but I knew the Lord would take care of me and He has. I am not in denial, but I do know to stay put and I know when to move. Moving day is coming.

9B4F9A02-0DC7-4F41-9ECA-7090EB512BEFSo I am to trust God. A couple of months ago or longer, I felt down inside that He was questioning me. The question was, Do you trust me? I heard that over and over and from experience in years past, I know He speaks to me usually repeating three times. Do you trust me? Do you trust me? Do you trust me? Well, I guess I need to trust, don’t I?

I knew what I was to do and to trust Him in this area and I did but questioning for weeks if that was really Him or just me. Again, no surprise to Him that I think I know better than 2E931FA2-D2A8-4BFB-BFA4-5FBB98D62C67Him, doubting and delaying. Lord, was that really you?  I kept hearing and to remind me, ‘Do you trust Me?’ Still, I hear those words in that question. Have I had any great miracles happen? No, but I know to be patient and wait upon the Lord. Do I trust Him? Yes! I know something is about to happen, the anticipation within, but I have no clue of when, where or what so I wait. I know how to wait and be patient, most of the time. His Timing. Always on time!

Perhaps you or someone you know is in a place of wandering around hopeless, unsure what to do, feeling alone, just existing and going from day to day, in a bad situation, etc., Trust Him. Easier said than done, I understand but for complete peace, joy and happiness that is what it comes down to. Ask yourself today as you go about your life and in the days ahead, Do You Trust Him?

God asks the question: Do you trust me?

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The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears  open to their cry. Psalm 45:15

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

https://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/do-you-trust-me-david-dewitt-sermon-on-faith-general-42175

http://www.tellthelordthankyou.com/blog/2016/5/16/psalm-1185-6-god-says-trust-me

 

 

 

Walls Up, Walls Down

Which is it?

There were many discussions through the past four years of discussing my life with my recent counselor of having my walls up.  For what I dealt with in life, rightfully so.  Was it right for each person in my life?  No.  Why take a chance until trust is built and still no guarantee hurt won’t come again.

9C514E57-818D-418E-80A8-7C1F2F882E9FAs we discussed the walls, I recognized I did just that.  Odds are, if everyone was honest, walls are present in many if not all lives.  How could there not be?  Life dishes out crap at times in situations and words said to us.  It hurts.

35EB0068-1190-434F-AAFE-6FC114CD6268Then, there are others that will talk about having your walls up as a good thing.  Talk about confusion.  Between my real-life conversation (walls down) and then hearing this (walls up), I could understand them both.  With that, I felt I had dyslexia, unsure which is right.

Depending upon the situation, they both are.

In my years as a client, we discussed a lot and this counselor knows some deep, soul wrenching parts of me that only God knows.  My walls were down.  I needed and also wanted help to understand me and she had the knowledge and expertise to do so.  I trusted her, I had to. Would I do it again?  Yes.  Probably now, moreso; wish I had more time with her. Now that our time is over, I did feel anger for doing so but if it had not been, I would not be where I am today.  Today, I am grateful.  Walls down.  God is doing a work within me.

Walking with a new friend recently, she probed into my life a little more than I liked of my marriage and depression from it.  Pretty bold of her, I thought. Using my words carefully, I gave her enough to calm the curiousity within her.  I was not comfortable in that situation and there will be a wall and general conversation from this point forward.  Walls up.

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Even last night with several of the church ladies for a small group, I knew of them only in passing.  This class is for healing of hurts and abuses. While I know what is said there, stays there, I could not be transparent.  My walls were up and I knew it, although I could encourage them and recognize their pain.

This past week has been an emotional roller coaster for me, and I had to question my walls.  I recognized and felt when they were up.  Right or wrong, they were there.  While they can protect, they can hinder.  Just knowing the difference.

No matter if my walls are up, down. half way or sometimes made of steel, the Lord knows my heart.  He knows my every emotion and fear that entangles my life of being hurt yet once again.

I owe no one fullness of me, unless I choose.  We have that choice. Like me or not, I may not you or trust.  God has given us discernment and we have a right to use it.

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