Buried Titles

B19F4115-FC0D-480E-ADF8-03CC2383600CThankfully, most of us come a place in life when we see all of the pieces of the past fall together and we can look over our life and see how the Lord orchestrated the good, the bad, of which we caused, and brings us to a point of where you or I are right now.56089E8D-E8F1-40A6-9286-873CAAEA5251

Actually, now seeing the Hand of God, back through the years in my own life, it is exciting. My counselor has said numerous times that she sees a weaving of a tapestry in my life. At times I felt as though those threads were unraveling to the point of almost choking me.

The other night, as I went through some old notes, just because and as I needed proof and to be reminded that what I went through was real. At times as I have discussed issues of my life in our sessions, thinking this can’t be real, but it is, it was. I hear my voice sharing at times of the memories and reliving the moment as in watching a tv show and it all seems unreal. I question myself as if I am lying of the emotional pain and situations I experienced. My notes, my journals, 5D2F9F31-1741-40B5-A66C-B66DB331624Amy screams on the paper, majority having dates of which provide proof and gives a timeline.

I truly have been blessed with awesome counselors, woven in to help me spin and weave this tapestry. Allowing me to understand myself and bring healing to the loose threads of my life.

Many times, consistently I found that I wrote in my notes, ‘Lord, move or move me’ and another was, ‘Don’t let my pain be wasted.’ So many sentences began with ‘Oh Lord, I need you and your direction, please give me strength.’ I believe He did and He is still doing so. 3C9BD2B8-53A5-40B9-B362-80898BDFCEA7

It is just amazing how you can get through some of the lowest points in life and then look back years later not knowing how you made it, but you did. Had it not been for my faith, and at times that was wavering and wondering if He left me to just die in this pit of despair. He was all I had, even when I doubted His Love for me, He still loved me. 273EED1E-7378-4082-A27C-79E9FC201AAC

In my stash of notes, which I have kept for many reasons, but I think I knew, too, that I would need to refer back to them and I have in my counseling sessions. I also knew I have had a desire to write a book for years. Interestingly enough, don’t we all say at one point or another that we could write a book?  I had forgotten that I started back in 2000, maybe even before, of listing titles, for such a dream. In those titles, I knew each one would jog my memory and allow me to go back to my notes and like a DVR, to elaborate as words would appear before me and most likely cause many tears and anger. We all have a testimony to share in hopes to give hope and encourage others.

With my blogs and other writings, these allow me to express my creativity and even my vulnerability of sharing parts of my life with the public. Thank you for reading. In each one, a stepping stone to build my confidence and being patient as I move forward watching it all unfold. I know the Lord is doing something in my life and perhaps my writing is to encourage others and give hope or maybe it is all just for healing within me. 

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Who knows but the Lord of what will come about from the buried titles I uncovered but it was like a treasure to find. Just another part of the weaving.

Look around, look at where you are today, think of those that have crossed your path through the years, ALL of it to bring you to where you are today. Sometimes we go through things that are not so pleasant and we feel alone. Even though, He is right there with you. Trust Him.

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Ephesians 2:10, “For we are his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them.”

https://brokendoorministries.com/4th-day-letters/the-tapestry-of-life/

 

 

Spinning My Wheels

Have you ever felt busy in life, events keeping you on the run, appointments, working and getting the job done and whatever else that consumes your day and feel like you are getting nowhere? One day turns into the next, just like that. I’m there.ADE379D9-CAF4-437F-8B0C-2380414C4BC4

Many times at my office, my desk is full of files to tend to but one thing or another takes my time, now falling behind with wasted time on meaningless tasks basically. Putting out fires as sometimes put. Exhausting.D13C07E5-801B-4ECF-BB4F-54B72CACF0B5

Things in my life have taken some turns in the last year or so, some I like and some I do not as well. I need to make some decisions and changes, feeling overwhelmed. Now feeling as though I am not going anywhere and at a fork in the road, just spinning my wheels. Again, exhausting. What do I do?

3517C3E4-6AC7-4C1C-A588-79A31FEA41DAWhat will tomorrow, next week, next month or next year look like? You know what? I do not know. None of us know, do we? Life can change in a second. All I know to do and the same with you is to take one day at a time. Years ago, my sister gave me wise advice, which was if one day was too much, take one hour at a time. Honestly, there have been times that I have had to do just that, sometimes a minute at a time.

Making decisions and following through is not easy. Fear can creep in and feeling stuck, afraid to move.

What does the future hold? I don’t know.88034489-C369-4F3C-AFF5-5B0407E7599E

My faith in knowing the Lord will guide and direct my steps is what I must depend upon.

So if you are standing at a fork in the road and feeling an unrest within as to what to do, know you are not alone. Trust Him.

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“You might not know what it is, but there’s something that doesn’t feel right. And most of us stay stuck in the dissatisfaction of where we are because we don’t know what to do with those feelings.“

Do You Feel Stuck, Overwhelmed, and Dissatisfied?

4 things to do when you feel “stuck”

Crumble or Conquer

154EA5E8-9E33-4A52-8EF0-E325816578B2What an interesting year, last year, it was for me, experiencing the ups and downs of life and holding on through it all. How about you?  As we are now over the holidays and the start of another year, how did you do and how are you holding up?

Remember, no mater what comes, we are resilient enough to move through struggles, heartaches, pain, tears, etc., even though it may not feel as such. The thoughts of give up, I cannot do this anymore or I have had enough seems to be constant thoughts or verbal outbursts at times, I know with me. Normal. Still, keep going forward as tomorrow is another day, and the days after that.1F08B259-AE97-4271-9041-FD6ADCABDEAA

Life can knock us down at times in many circumstances ABBBB1AB-2E23-46CE-88DC-1CC4DE4E6DDAbut do not stay down. Acknowledge within yourself that you have been through worse probably and are stronger than what is front of you.  Most importantly, put your trust in the Lord.  Walk and live by faith, not by sight.

Don’t crumble but conquer so that the joy in your life becomes evident to yourself and to others.  It’s there, sometimes we have to fight for it.0C19919B-E80B-47A9-9C32-62DC7F123320

 

New Year’s Resolutions

I do not make New Year’s Resolutions! Do you? C3FF064F-1E9F-4E95-9DAF-0B9A08B2A087

I have made plenty in the past and the majority, I failed. In that, making me feel like a loser, with the negative thoughts I already had of myself back then, which were confirmed and there you have it. Doomed for the rest of the year. I know that’s silly and not true, but I do not make resolutions for that reason.

How many will join a gym membership and be all gung-ho about going in the month of January and some will trickle into February and just maybe some will continue thereafter. Been there, done that and I have the t-shirt. If 396A4954-B400-4778-BB31-86C43D1278B8having and maintaining a monthly membership, because I just might want to go and have good intentions, I never darken the door. Month after month seeing that charge, while a low amount, it still is deducted from my banking account with no productive results. Now it is the new year and my reasoning for not going, as my friend said it the other day, is that it will be too crowded because of the newbies. Of course, I would basically fall into that group now. So, I’ll wait. Perfect excuse.

If I made a resolution last night to not eat anything sweet, I would have already lost, first day of January. There’s going to be some grouchy people in a few days, of no sweets.

Plan to do and be better than last year. Set some goals and work toward them while not being so hard on yourself. Do your best and take care of yourself.

Expect 2020 to be the best year ever and just keep moving forward.

Maybe I will see you at the gym. 😉 I am going!

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https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/2019/01/instead-of-a-resolution-try-making-a-micro-change/