Yesterday Today Tomorrow

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Today is a lot like yesterday and probably will be a lot like tomorrow.

I’ve done fairly well through this pandemic we are all experiencing. I have my moments. How about you? Sometimes it is hard to grasp the intensity of this virus that has placed the world on lockdown.

Many have their theories, opinions, fears and doubts. I’m not here to go there. It feels like when we are finally able to live and move freely and return to the lives we knew, I just wonder if we will be programmed and it will hinder us.

2EDDC996-0BF6-4EE3-B2B9-B14E2EAD83CCThe hesitancy to shake hands, hug, be near others in the store and constant awareness of germs. Once the grocery store shelves are stocked to capacity, as we are accustomed to, will there still be hoarding for the next episode out of fear, I wonder. How many will be more angry afterward than thankful? Perhaps many will re-evaluate just what they can live without, to lessen the stress in their life of which we have been forced into.

Today, being Easter. We know it is Easter and know the significance of the death, burial and resurrection of  Jesus Christ. How blessed we are. The faith is present, the online church services bring somewhat of a normalcy but the families gathering together are not this year, there is an emptiness. The joy of seeing one another, laughing and just coming together in church or at homes, is void of people. Your four and no more, if that. Today, my home is silent and it should not be.A6C644D1-84AD-472D-B255-5A621407A2FB

Loneliness is creeping in as each day passes. Lack of face-to-face communication and smiles or even frowns are missing. Neighbors stay in their yard and we in ours with an occasional wave as our eyes meet. Many, if not most businesses are closed that we once went through their doors, now limited of entering those that are essential, please wait your turn.

We look around, we see emptiness whether on shelves or parking lots but also in faces that we do get a glimpse of in our distancing.

At times through this, I feel we each live in a safety mode right now for our own protection, and others, wanting to reach out only to be blocked by the wall within of our individual 8E008838-E79D-4724-9F8A-BB11916C4E8Abubble. Confusion as to wear or not to wear a mask, it seems to flip-flop from every direction, yes you should, no you shouldn’t.

While I shake my head, squint my eyes in disbelief, trying to make sense of it all, I walk on and continue to live within the constraints upon us to be safe and obeying rules and directions. Others believe this is all a hoax and continue to be basically rebellious as the positive numbers of cases increase as do the deaths.

BB410EA9-914F-40D9-8C1C-486DEFDBB0B5No doubt the emotions will be more prevalent today in many with the meaning of Easter but also missing our loved ones that will not be around the table and enjoying each other’s company.

So today is like yesterday and the same for tomorrow.D2F2656B-C534-4C94-8697-F52ACBD7DB25

We look at our blessings, which are numerous. Cherish the memories of times past. Plan to make new memories in the days ahead. We are all in this together and in some way and each day, we need to make the most of each one. To have HOPE, we will all get through this, and we will.

Happy Easter ✝️ Be Blessed ✝️ Stay Well

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Past Present Future

36859847-8A5A-4506-85AE-45C768209177Last night, as I stood at my kitchen counter cutting up vegetables for our Christmas dinner, I could not help but to think of how many others are doing just the same.  While some are celebrating Christmas already and the joy felt in these homes, with children screaming with delight DD51C1EB-378A-4FE8-A277-60E216708330or perhaps a child already crying over something while a mother and father are exhausted from putting the final touches for their Christmas celebration.

Thinking back of the excitement and anticipation of Santa from when I was a child and then with my own children, all of these thoughts helped me with the ache in my back standing there which seemed like all day, to be one step ahead in my preparation.

It was from joy and excitement in my thoughts to the sadness and the thought of many not feeling so joyous and depression knocking at their door or worse. Within this time span over my vegetable plate prepared, I went from past, present and future in my thoughts, somewhat like the Christmas movie, A Christmas Carol. 2FE8E5A0-AEE6-4AEE-AEA2-0642BDF58916

Sadly, I remember being in that state, too. No matter where each of us are in this vast array of emotions that exist, the Lord sees and knows our name and where we are. Some may doubt and question that with an undertone or outright anger of not so, how could He? Questioning His love and care. I understand that as I have been there also. While I knew different deep within, I sure did not feel anything, trust Him or anybody else for that matter. I was angry with Him, myself and with others and life itself. Definitely not a fun place to be.

E3539BCD-8F78-43EC-B951-77380D63FC33I did not understand the emotional pain endured for years and the isolation I put myself in while wearing a mask with work or public appearances. I definitely struggled, fighting through a depressive state. Thank God I had my children as they were my focus to hold on but even in that, I am sure they did not feel the true joy in my life, as their mother. Still, I managed and I am here, perhaps just for someone to read my own experiences and to give hope. Thank God, He did not give up on me.C9E4F7BB-A203-43A8-B2D8-B6A10C44C797

Sometimes life does not turn out to the expectation we had hoped for in our mind. I never thought I would go through what I did and have but I did, I went through. Is my life perfect? No. I can say that my mindset is a lot better though. I had to work on myself and trust God to get me to this point. I am with myself 24/7 as you are with yourself. If you want change, you need to change, not for anyone else.0EE32B92-F35F-43A1-B892-A24959108EDE

While I had my church and my faith in God, I pulled away  in the isolation of the depression hovering 6515C897-7ED1-4B84-B58C-82A4B6C554AAover my head. As the Bible says, the enemy is out to kill, steal and destroy. He wanted to knock me out.

After years of mental torment of unworthiness and everything else that I believed to be true, I went for counseling, this was five years ago. Best decision ever. Was it easy? No. It was worth my time, money and the emotional ups and downs of understanding myself and in healing many 8A5C9536-F5E4-41B6-A135-16B18934163Abroken areas of my life, which I am still working on and plan to continue. This was my past and is my present.

In the present, I am feeling excitement and joy as I once did in life or perhaps and honestly moreso. I am looking forward to the future to finish out my years with the same and more. It took one step forward and sometimes two backward to get here, and still, but I keep moving forward and desiring more, trusting the Lord. I wanted a change, and that’s a start from the past to be present now and my goal for the future.95C57C62-1A6C-4305-952C-7547691BC035

As we go into the new year and resolutions are made and many broken, do not let that hinder you, it happens. Still, set a goal for a healthier you because it is only YOU that can make this happen. You are worthy. Trust Him.

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