Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mum, Mother

6CE19055-E875-4DD2-8086-5D8FE4D508C3It’s Mothers Day! To each of you, Happy Mother’s Day. 💕

While this day is called out for mothers of which I am, I find it to be one of the most depressing days of the year. Let’s move on!

I know I am not the only one that feels this way, as I have read too much through the years. It could be a number of reasons why, such as loss of your own mother and feeling the grief, loss of a child that brings memories and an emptiness in your arms, perhaps forgotten by your own children due to their busy lives or whatever reason, it sucks. It just brings a depressing feeling and on a rainy day.

Even if my children would make a big thing of this day, I am unsure how I would handle. With my oldest being married now, I have been told over and over by my boss that once a son takes a wife, I will lose a son. I felt it last year and again this year.

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Different times today, I had to fight the thoughts that I did not do my job as a mother to help them recognize such days or perhaps I was a terrible mother and don’t deserve such recognition. Remember, I said fight.

While I did not have a lot of time to make such days special, I recognized them on their birthdays, etc. Usually, I was too busy to care about the other special days, such as today, so I did a disservice to myself and they know I can get through these days. As for being a mom, I have bent over backward and still do, plus I did do a decent job as well as stay in an unhappy marriage to make sure they had the best instead of struggling financially or have no direction or supervision. So those negative thoughts were just that. I know what I have had to go through.

0307DBD6-1E15-4D3B-A82B-F3913A1AB0D9So this quiet, rainy and subdued day after church, I took a long nap. I will finish my day preparing for my work week and be happier when I open my eyes in the morning, as I made it through. Being a mother is one of the best, fulfilling positions in life, ever. Sometimes though, it has been and it is hard. Still, I would drop anything to do for them. They have been my life and reason for living.

As I write, I did get a call from my oldest and an expected text from my youngest.  I do know they love me and appreciate me.  Something I have said many times through the years, ‘Being a mother is one of the hardest jobs but the most rewarding.’  I am blessed to be called Mom.

What’s Your Story?

Oftentimes I pass people or perhaps know them but never enough time to get to know them, but I often wonder who they really are.  What is their story, their testimony.  What  have they gone through to be where they are today.C9EC5D99-EFA1-469C-9555-5A9CCCDCA95A

A week or so ago, as I sat in my car eating a late lunch before my next appointment, I watched an older woman, dressed nice, carrying her black purse in one hand and walking with her silver aluminum cane in the other.

I was drawn to her because she was older but also walking toward a busy Mall Road where shoppers were whizzing by to get their last-minute gifts before Christmas.  Not a care in the world it seemed to her.

Vector drawing of a senior woman in a waiting.Being one to be concerned and now figuring out a direct route to get to her in case she fell, I was just amazed at her life in this twenty-minute vacation in my mind of her.

Finally, approaching the bench and turning to place her purse and her cane on the bench ever so carefully, she stood there.  Realizing she was waiting for a bus.  While one stopped, she signaled him to move on. I was intrigued even more.  Perhaps waiting for another bus.

Wondering where she went as she had no shopping bags.  What was her purpose to be on a busy road.

Part of me, if I had the time, I would have enjoyed going up to sit with her and just talk as we watched the cars pass.

Why was she walking alone on such a busy road? Where is her family?  Does she have family?

I just hope that as I age, I will be as independent and look as nice as she did.  No doubt she has been through some rough patches in life, had joy and plenty of sadness, too.

It was just nice to leave my issues and overwhelming thoughts of my life right then and dwell on hers for a bit.

What about you…

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Tick Tock

6E15D8C5-7DAC-48AD-8A1D-964024206324Almost time!  It’s almost time to partay.  Plus, I’m to the point of it is what it is.  Food is planned and will be made.  Gifts are bought and wrapped.  House is clean to the visible eye, I hope.  Hey, we live here.

I look forward to the day although I will be glad it’s over. As most, exhaustion happens.  Please tell me I am not alone.  It has to be normal or is that just the setting on the dryer?

It will be fun and there will be laughter of my grown children home again to share along with my husbands family.   It’s time to enjoy and be mindful of the moments and the day that is before me.

Year after year when this day comes, I know that memories of my own family comes into play and once again the need to shake the sadness of them all no more.  Plus, I know all so well what is ahead.

They will all leave and go about their lives, the Christmas Hallmark movies go off the air for another year, the Christmas music that started way too early is now no more played and all the pretty lights and decorations come down and go back into storage.  January is such a let down and so sad, always in my book.

For now, let’s celebrate the joy of Christmas and remember why we do, the birth of Jesus.

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Merry Christmas

Blue Christmas

My heart sinks in despair today, the memories and the loneliness overwhelm my soul.  The cloudy, rainy day doesn’t help and everything in front of me to do, I’d rather push away.c742fbc0-696e-42f7-9993-c1bad74152b8-58952-00000da5b593db5f

The holidays are here but my heart isn’t.

The Christmas tree is up and lit, thankfully a pre-lit tree.  I struggle to add the ornaments one at a time.

Family will be here in ten days to celebrate and the desire to clean, decorate, wrap gifts of the ones that I do have remain undone.

I know if I put my heart in all of this, I can whip it out in no time and all will look well.  By the time everyone gathers, it will.  Where is my get up and go?

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Am I dealing with sadness, or is it grief, or the holiday blues, perhaps procrastination at its finest, just no energy within, perhaps it is my age and, of course, is it depression from everything and all?  Sadly enough, it’s all of those listed.

No doubt others around you and me feel the same or have at some point in life.  Holidays are rough.

My get up and go… is gone.  Just for now!

A few more ornaments will be added here and there.  A dust rag swipes a table near.  The Christmas music, I’ll turn up and hum along.  Soon I’ll write out my menu to shop and prepare.  The family will come, eat and enjoy. Then everyone will be gone.   The holidays will be over once again.  The cold dark days of January begin.

657322F3-DD1A-4BAD-B269-034F546F5E83Be sensitive to those around you.

We never know what others are going through.

 

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