Millennial Counseling

Sometimes I just do not understand things in life. Surely I am not the only one.

DB086997-9FE1-4DE9-8257-69EE4E0773E6In regard to counseling, years ago and even today, others think you might be crazy to go for counseling or perhaps have a lack of faith in God. Trust me, I have experienced both of those situations. I know with myself, it is nice to have someone trusted and knowledgeable to talk to and gain advice by looking at them in the eye and knowing they are there with you, there’s a connection.

Back in 2002-2004, I went at first and finally insisted that my husband attend counseling so that we could get help 3F17B921-C853-4F57-8608-E331CA7B84D7for our marriage. Mind you, we were both active at our church and this did not look good if they knew we were seeing a counselor, the lack of faith part. We drove one hour to and from in order to avoid anyone knowing that our marriage was crumbling. I was too embarrassed and actually numb as to what was happening so this seemed to be the answer. It was great for awhile, things were improving between us. It was the fall of 2004 when it all went downhill.D2A19302-87E0-4F0E-BD9F-11542A8221E3

I was just done. Done with him, our marriage and done with that counselor.  Being betrayed by him, now the counselor. What do you do with that? I was slowly inching my way into a deep, dark hole of despair and depression only surviving by tending to my children and struggling to do that. While I was there for them physically, the rest of me lacked and, therefore, they lacked having a mother truly happy and whole. All of which I regret as I dealt with anger toward their father of what was lost in our family realm due to his choices, basically grief in the midst of it all. 

Years have passed and I thank the Lord that the boys have done very well but damage is there, as they also suffered, silently.  In many articles, discussions, etc., many argue whether is best to leave a bad marriage than stay and in my case, it was best that I stayed, so I did. Easy? No!

Finally, in 2008, I met with a male counselor for a year before he moved his practice out of state. Enough to get my mind calmed from the chaos of family estate issues on top of everything else. Also I learned that I had a stroke, probably due to the stress of it all. At least this counselor was only fifteen minutes from my home.

A new job for me, my son graduating, another son nearing graduation and mixed in with some friends that I could see trouble ensue and also a husband losing his job of twenty-two years, due to an offshore situation. Still dealing with a few family members and the hatred of me, being the Administratrix of now my brother’s estate, carried over from my parent’s estate, due to greed. How much more? Actually, I was afraid to ask how much more could I go through.0327EB99-60D1-4BFF-9F82-763285A949FC

Fast forward, life got busy as the boys graduated, college, moving to and from dorms to apartments, work, etc. Enough to keep me busy and my mind occupied of the issues and feelings stored within. The empty nest syndrome was alive and well causing now an emptiness along with a loneliness in my home. Each day was like the next while existing and lost in knowing who I was.

7F945197-238E-4E04-9046-7C1219A7A939As in my writings, I share that I saw my former counselor for four years and she was only two miles from church, if that, back in 2014. It did and does not matter any longer to be concerned in what others think, wondering if I was crazy or if I had a lack of faith. I was taking care of me. I had to. I still see counselors, as I find it helps me and I know I have come a long way.

AFC8DA0F-A4D9-4C90-A649-8F5447CEFE5ENow, I am dealing with a son, in the millennial age group, that could use counseling. I mentioned to him and have sent him leads of many in his area that would be good for him to go talk to. He knows I see a counselor, he never asks why but I have no doubt that he can see that he has a happier mother, and I am. Taking care of me so I can them, when and as needed.

Why is it that these millennials nowadays feel that going to counseling is not needed by going and sitting across from one another. It was when he said he would get counseling online. I just cannot grasp that. Perhaps if in an area that is remote but not where he lives. How can there be a connection? I would miss this closeness of meeting and talking, feeling safe to talk about whatever under the sun. I have loved my counselors, even the first one, even though we had an issue that was not handled properly.647E8292-1776-46F8-A84F-0552A21654D0I discussed this with my present counselor recently while trying to ‘get it’ in my head how this would help him or anyone. Trying to imagine myself in that online counseling, there’s no way. Those four years, my former counselor could pick up of me closing in due to depression, lack of self-worth, many physical signs and help me understand myself that a monitor would not do, I feel. I realize technology is the way of life nowadays and while I love it also, face to face counseling is important.

In all that and my thoughts and opinions, it is just that. Whether it be my son or others considering online counseling, that’s their decision. My son is an adult and he makes his own decisions in life. Still, I am his mom. I just have to pray for him, love him and trust the Lord to cover him in his daily life. I must have faith, as He knows all about my son.

 

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I Do Not Know

Time is the utmost importance to my husband, a routine for everything in his daily life. Through the years, I could tell you what time it was without looking at a clock, and still.

1273D36A-7EBA-4A65-86F1-18124B059B36As I think back to our first apartment together as husband and wife, his closet of suits, shirts and ties were organized in a way that made me squinch my eyes, thinking what is up with that, especially for a man. It was interesting but it worked for him and I did not touch his system.

Sometimes, I have heard laughter about socks, pairs of socks that were separated in two drawers, the right drawer and left drawer, for socks of the left and right foot. If we had the room, I would expect just that.

A little quirky but aren’t we all? I would leave it at that but still sometimes shaking my head of, whatever.

Bedtime was and still is a major time issue, even after thirty years. No matter what is happening or who in the house, it is his bedtime at 10 pm, leaving me, boys, 15833DC3-EE4F-49DC-BB01-957B5AA88CDCcompany, etc. If we’d be out later than usual, he would shut down at 10 pm. Since we had children, especially our first, after 10 pm, I am on my own with this child and basically needed to keep the baby quiet or could receive a look. A baby will cry, we all know that. When there was no consoling this bundle of sweetness, this child would become velcroed to my breast for nursing. I was exhausted while he had his precious sleep. After awhile, anger starts to build within due to lack of sleep and my F493BF8A-EDE7-4AE4-8C3A-19EF65D030A9own self-care. This continued with the second child, two years later also. Thankfully, I was a stay-at-home mom, feeling like it was my duty, but I also enjoyed my role as a mother. He is the one working and bringing the money home so I just have to deal with it and know my place.

As the boys got older, they would all go out to play, leaving me at home, most times. That was my time. Sounds great. My time consisted of cleaning, catching up on laundry, etc. Still, to this day, the mailbox is all mine, as I am to get the mail, because back then, that was my only outside life, it felt like.62A2C657-7F89-4F6C-8252-CAB865005A2C

Just odd moments through the years of not understanding the disconnect. I did catch that we talked black and white after many years, as we were both saying the same thing but differently, while shaking my head in confusion. I still have to stop and see through the mumbo, jumbo. Maybe it is me, something is wrong with me, was an often thought, I’m just stupid. Knowing he is intelligent, and he would tell you that, too, top in his class.

Funny how family members picked up on his oddness, especially my one sister, asking why I was marrying him. Years in our marriage, many of my family and friends  learned to dislike the man.  My older sister, living several hours away, suggested that I do not bring him back. I never did and that has been maybe twenty years ago or more. When I visit her, I make it sound like it is a girl’s weekend to transition this traveling together, never questioned. I’m sure he is relieved also to not fit into their world or routine. Everyone is happy.

The seven-year itch of marriage, was what a friend told me that I was experiencing when I mentioned something did not feel right, at that point in our marriage, a gut intuition, later to be on-point.

In this period though, I had some heart issues and was in the ER a few times. When I notified him at work, this one time, as a friend took me, she actually heard the 5C1AC260-F677-444E-8670-4F5495801AF5conversation. It was him questioning me. How long will you be there? I do not know. When will the doctor be in? I do not know. What are they going to do with you? I do not know. Will you have to stay over? I do not know. It continues, never asking how I was. Waiting for him to 5C1AC260-F677-444E-8670-4F5495801AF5ask if I was going to die. I do not know would be my response, of course. With that, and other things, I knew there was an issue.  What gives?  What is wrong with this man? Still to this day, he is never to be in the ER room, or when being prepped for surgery or in the recovery room with me because I have to answer his general questions with I do not know over and over again. One surgeon was upset with him on one occasion for not showing up and was hesitant to go forward with my surgery.  With him, I 5C1AC260-F677-444E-8670-4F5495801AF5had to say let’s do this, as I do not know where he is. The surgeon did so but was not pleased with my husband.

Life goes on and I just deal with it but by 2014, I am convinced I am the crazy one in this relationship. Wonder why? Family and friends, if I had talked to them of matters, would just say he was odd, leaving me quietly suffering, as they would not understand the extensiveness of this situation.

I finally started with my former counselor and realizing before we met, she knew marriage issues for years was the topic from our telephone call.  My first words were, as I sat in her office was that I think I am going crazy.

It may have been about two sessions with her, as it did not take her long at all to pick up on the possibility of Aspergers with him. Suggesting such, I always thought it was a childhood diagnosis, he is a grown adult, so I discounted her theory.  The following week, again 9A2FC821-A6D3-47AF-B77A-0992C5BF3B27discussing the chaos and her stating, the Aspergers, repeating for that month, I finally understood and went searching for information, books, etc. I believe she was onto something and the more I poured myself into research, talking to her and that I finally felt heard, I realized I was not crazy after all. It is the Aspergers that I had been dealing with in him, for many years.

All of these years, my married life, I thought it was me, being stupid and all. There was a freedom in knowing I was dealing with Aspergers and it ALL made sense. The lightbulb moment.

Did that make life easier? Not really. It was just knowing what I was dealing with and having facts in front of me to grasp why this or that is done or said. The many years of struggling, I gave up on our marriage and due to other situations.

My counselor back then went to a conference and Aspergers was a topic, how perfect was that. Two couples, one married for years and the wife was was just done, as in my case. The other couple was newly married and aware of Aspergers, knowing right off the bat what they were dealing with, and had hope. Interesting. I believe she heard that at a time needed for me, my life and situation.

Life as a neurotypical (NT)  with one having Aspergers (ASP) can be challenging for sure. 72933A83-FF48-45E5-836B-921F02C15E9C

Actually, I am one of the lucky ones as he is a great employee, as he diligently works in his computer analyst position of coding, etc. A position that other employees hate because it is so detailed, tedious and routine. Is he a good husband, father, brother, friend, etc.?  He is actually, as good as he can be.

A few weeks ago, I was telling him when he got home from work, of course, at the exact time as every work day, that our son was coming home to visit. While I was excited to see our son, the questions began. When will he be here? I do not know. How long will he be here? I do not know. What is he coming up here for? I do not know… perhaps just to visit. These would be non-ending questions so I walk away. I do not know how to deal with him much more, otherwise. It is okay because those are my boundaries. Otherwise, I do not know how much longer I would be there or I could take it.

Life is fun! Right? Don’t tell me, I do not know. 🤣

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Please know, this blog is in no way bashing my husband or those with Aspergers but to allow others dealing with the same of a spouse, child, family member, friend or co-worker an insight of the black/white relationship, knowing you are not alone.  

Just that can mean the world, you are not alone. 3456A58D-FE6B-4725-AEE1-695869C2F613

Often I read in Facebook private groups (there are plenty available) tonight of wives that have an Aspergers husband. It is common to read their frustrations over and over again, many wanting to run for the hills out of desperation. 

So, if you think you or someone you know might be dealing with this, as something is just off, it is worth looking into. Look up Aspergers (Google search or Pinterest). I was blown away with the research and thank God I did, and I had a counselor to recognize the symptoms I described in my own desperation and hopelessness, after twenty-five years of marriage. 

This book was my favorite. 

Detrimental effects on Neurotypical Wives

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Bracelet Beauty

DED2117F-6DF0-433D-A905-12FA4A37EBF0I have a sweet friend that I met in Sunday school, sitting next to me, many years ago and we have been friends since that morning.  While we lived miles apart, we managed to meet several times a year to shop and soon developed our routine of favorite stores, etc.  On my birthday about a year or two ago, we met and she had a gift for me, a beautiful bracelet of friendship.  Soon, she and husband moved further away, in another state.  In that last shopping trip together, I gave her a friendship bracelet.  This move was good for them but we both missed our girl-time together so we decided to meet half way for a few days to shop back in the spring.  What fun it was to get away and enjoy hours talking, laughing, sharing and at times crying.  True, best friends.  In that time together going from shop to shop, we found bracelets and sure enough we bought the same.

Just recently, while she was in town, we met, shopped and there again found ourselves looking at bracelets.  So now we have a new theme to our time together. Bracelets.

It was this last trip that I was telling her about my first bracelet many years ago, that I had forgotten about wearing.  Some things in my past, I wanted to forget.

It was back, almost twenty years, I was dealing with some issues that no wife needs to experience or words to hear 14C97E8C-B4F1-4F96-BEBE-51E23A0968E3from her husband.  I was lost in the emotional turmoil and nobody to turn to due to shock and shame, thinking maybe it was all my fault.  I felt hopeless, ugly, unworthy and whatever negative word you want to throw in this mess I was in and dealing with.

A little girl on our street, about ten years old, would often come to see me when I was out in the yard.  I had boys so I was outside with them or checking on them.  The girl was selling jewelry for her class at school so, of course, I bought one.  I still remember that day, as if it was yesterday.

686BAD4C-585C-492D-ABD5-AE8A4BBFC909It was a stretchy soft-color bracelet and I thought how pretty it was and happy I bought it.  It was when I put it on to go to church one day, I guess I felt good that day.  I put it on, then I realized I felt different.  I felt pretty.  In shock with that feeling, I took it off, as I noticed a difference in me.  I put the bracelet back on and wore it all the time, thereafter.  It helped me to feel pretty when I did not feel pretty at all.  It gave me a sense of hope in myself when I had rather disappeared in life.

I still have the bracelet.  While I do not wear it nowadays, I keep it to always remember where I was then and how it helped me climb through despair.  There were a couple of years where I bought or was given bracelets as gifts so I have quite a few.

In those years, I wore the cheap, school bracelet mostly or another here or there but in time I took the bracelet(s) off as well as my wedding rings; I wore no jewelry at all but my post earrings.  Done.  No need to feel or look pretty.  If I had a good day, I knew it was short-lived.  No wonder I wanted to forget this period in my life.

0615FC93-BAED-4A83-9D80-6EF86150919AIt was just a month or so ago, I bought myself a new watch, I slipped on a bracelet with it and again the feeling came, I felt pretty but also knowing I am worthy to wear this bracelet.  Isn’t it interesting that just a cheap or any other bracelet can change the thoughts and feelings by wearing it?

9B3B740D-C2A7-45B5-8B6B-BDF675A6FE9CLife issues, marriage, relationships, etc., can take all hope from us at times but knowing the One who gives hope is what matters.  I gave up on everyone and even God through those years although knowing deep down, he was there for me. He was all I had but I even doubted Him..

Questioning the Lord of why I had to go through everything295382E6-CCC1-4B9D-8139-F816E2BAD317 that I did.  He knew that I would question Him.  He knew I was and felt hopeless and that I was angry.  He knew where I was and what I was going through.

I said this so often and I still do, as it keeps my faith alive: He knows my name and He knows where I am. 

You are welcome to use that, too!  No matter what you are facing, know that you take one day at a time.  Trust Him!

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Kryptonite

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In all my years, I have felt and have had to be like a Wonder Woman.  With that, a take-charge person, to make sure things get started, get done, figure out and manage or complete whatever it might be.  For the most part, I’m glad for all that, I’m a better person and employee.

Being the youngest in my family though, I also had the responsibility to make some medical decisions with my parents and my brother.  The pressure, doubting myself and my decisions plus the guilt that attacked my mind could knock one down and it did.  Did I make the right decision of not having a procedure done, knowing my Mom was dying?  Did I not act soon enough to get my Dad medical attention, which ended in a feeding tube because of a stroke?  As to my brother, I was able to get his doctor to sign off on his death certificate causing no autopsy, due to his many medical conditions, surmising a heart attack.  Major stuff. Not to forget the financial decisions with estates, putting up with family members not happy with their inheritance.  Apparently, the Lord thought I could handle it all and I did.

Then in my own home, I tend to all the financial decisions and upkeep because my husband does not want to, has no interest and it falls on me.    Pressure has been pushed on all sides, at times.   Thankfully, I am and was able to handle it, and still can hold my own because I am supposed to be Wonder Woman.

Sadly, you can only do that so much for so long until your body, mind and spirit is exhausted and depleted.

1FA2B6EB-E511-4D1F-9EAE-68176BC3EB5DThrough it all, I am still here and in the last five years taking better care of me.  Moving forward.  Just sharing part of my life and I am sure many reading this can identify with it.  Somebody has to do it.

Still, I deal with an area that zaps me. Drained immediately.

We all pretty much have heard of Superman and how Kryptonite takes his energy.  I feel that is exactly what happens.

While my marriage is not the best, it is not the worst, but existence, and right now it works.  Perhaps it is the Aspergers part in him or is it me or both?  I have to retreat to gain energy to be involved in social settings with him and that is just not normal for a marriage.  Being reminded yet again recently, I can be home alone all day enjoying my time, while cleaning, singing, dancing, just feeling a freedom but the moment he enters the door, I fall into a tired state and any motivation to continue is gone.  This is not normal and it throws me for a loop each time.  Zapped of energy.

6CCE1014-1719-4111-98EE-39FE9D01D625I swear the man carries Kryptonite in his pockets and I must be like Superman because all power and energy drains from me.  Why is that?

I do know and I made a choice, especially in the last five years, with the help of a counselor, that I am caring for me nowadays and getting stronger with counseling, taking care of medical issues, exercising, massages, manicures, traveling, being with friends and active in church services and activities.

I have to or he controls my power.

CBD522DE-1D0F-485E-B992-889386200087One day, I will leap tall buildings.

 

Kryptonite “Something or someone who makes you weak, even if you are a very strong person.  I’m a very strong person but you make me weak, you are my Kryptonite.”
by SydneySilver April 23, 2016
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Emotionally Drained
8 Clear Signs and 7 Useful Remedies

The Singing Stops

E4A8B0EB-0790-4BE7-88F1-FC5DC2C6B87BTonight as I am home alone and in my kitchen cleaning as I am getting ready to leave town for the weekend, I sing and there is joy. Joy, not just because I am leaving for a few days but not inhibited or embarrassed. Nobody is here to hear or see me. Typical of my life. I feel freedom when alone.

D3B9CFB2-506A-4139-B618-E2B2065945E5Remembering tonight though, mostly my Mom through my own singing. As a small child, I would hear her sing, whistle or hum as she cleaned and smelling the freshness of our home. I always enjoyed that, as there was peace 29EE2683-4E8C-4D69-9090-14B575152DD3and happiness and it was felt. As a child, I would swing on my old metal swing set in the back, side yard with my neighboring girlfriend and we would sing as loud as possible. Nothing held us back, no embarrassment or care in the world. Happy times.

Crazy enough, not long after, I remember thinking that there is no more singing in our home. Of course, I did not know why not or reasons behind that thought but I knew enough that things changed. It was like a switch turned off the happiness to unhappiness. Children do notice and sense things. They may not understand the dynamics but are aware, I feel.

Just as in my own life and marriage, I am singing tonight because he is not home. Once he walks in the door, I become quiet once again and the doldrums return. Sad.

I know in my own situation, I have been made to feel stupid and ugly or have the eyes look at me with no expression of joy and complete blankness, no joy or delight to spark in return. Perhaps the Aspergers in play or rude behavior in action, I do not know. It happened the other day, in fact, and literally made me cringe. I determined that day, I would not let that pull me down.

Don’t worry, I have been patient and I am but I am also working to get myself healthy enough in many ways. Thank God for my counselors past and present. Most importantly, the Lord knows my name and where I am. In my hope and anticipation, He knows where I am going.

Knowing the singing stopped in my childhood, the same in my children’s lives in our home. I feel so bad about that for them and can get downright sad and feel guilty to allow it to happen but it did. I have no doubt they felt the unhappiness in our home turn off just as I did. I stayed for them and while some say it is best to go ahead and divorce, not in my case, as the outcome would not be what it was. I pushed through and made our home as stable as possible. Having them, pushed me to remain in my right mind although many days I questioned it.

10C5E00A-03B8-4D2E-AFD7-D5D7023BEA10It is my hope that one day they will call me blessed.

My parents are deceased. Tonight as I had all of this on my mind, I would love to talk to Mom and ask her just why her singing stopped. No doubt, my Dad did or said something to cause that divide. Just as my husband did. Probably not the same but enough to break her heart as it did mine. Living as husband and wife and the love stops, you just exist.5A13D819-183F-4F63-84E6-D29E0DE2891B

With this or in any situation, marriage or others, we have a choice of how to handle it all. My parents chose alcohol to deal with life. Sadly, that pushed this young little girl to figure out life for herself. One thing I did learn through that ordeal, is that I did not want alcohol to rule my life or be present in our home. Still, without alcohol, my children had to deal with some matters I am sure on their own, but I was there for them loved them with hugs and all the support I could muster up while struggling within.

So many wives stay in relationships due to financial reasons. My friend and I call this the BOAT (Because Others Are There). Many around you and me, in relationships, are struggling but wear a mask making it all appear good. Sad again.

All I can say is that I/we have to depend upon the Lord. He knows how my marriage issues affected them and that He keep watch on them. Just like He kept watch over me from my parent’s marriage issues.

Thankfully, I am moving forward and becoming healthier in all areas and feel life and joy within that I haven’t for so many years. Happiness replacing unhappiness. I will sing a new song of praise.

A9506B0B-F80F-4786-9C7F-95C4F50E2D19

Do Over

I want a do over!

     I want a do over!  

          I want a do over!

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Thats my temper tantrum for today. Well, at this moment. They can come an go at anytime although I know how to grin and bear it just as much.  Life.

Life not what I expected.  I always thought that once the empty nest came, focus on the marriage and time together would be fun and enjoyable.

F9934A80-92E0-4643-B3EC-488EA25447B2Some say to leave, others know of that commitment made in a host of family and friends and above all, God.  You know the one, for better, for worse.  Hmmm…

While I have had a roof over my head and food on my table, etc., the Lord truly has provided.  I have great children that are independent and successful.  I have everything I need, right?

1C7F3826-D31B-4674-950E-32CF5D84EB99My life is boredom, only to be recognized and commented on by my counselor that all I do is go to work and go home (church services) and repeat.  How could I disagree with his statement but in my mind think, ‘We’ll thank you very much for that Mr. Counselor.’  Although, I have done a few fun things this year, so I have branched out.  Yay, me!

I want to plan a trip with a girlfriend to shop, talk and laugh for hours to celebrate my big birthday this fall but knowing we might need the money, I hesitate.  Selfishness on my part, I feel.  So I remain with my schedule of work, home and repeat.  It gets old.  Goodness, I am getting old.

Dealing with Aspergers in him, my energy level drains quick when with him or even in the house and I need time to recharge.  I can only take so much.  Small doses.  When too much, my mental and emotional levels drop and then affect my physical life.49C79EA5-8FDE-43D0-B06C-621FCECA9CE1

I have noticed this many times before, although dealing with it for many, many years.  Just today moreso, paying attention to how it affects me.  A few hours yesterday working in our landscape.  It’s our black/white talking (saying the same thing but differently), reminding him of what I just said seconds before (put birdbath here while tapping on spot but puts another place, saying don’t put rock here but does and this happening several times.  Like dealing with a child. Exhausting.  Today, I quietly walk within my own home to not wake him as he is in his tv room downstairs to go through the same or hearing him carry on a conversation with himself about whatever all the while whispering to myself, ‘Do not wake the dead.’  No more.  My cup is empty.  I look forward to going back to work tomorrow. 760F8DBB-5B03-463A-92B1-F9D3D5D1F8CFThen, there is my pattern yet again, work and home.

While I am sad, bored and lonely, I truly am happy and feel blessed.  It could be worse!

AD426E2A-61BD-4B20-AB4A-33426AC28840The Lord knows all about this and I have to put my trust in Him to help me through it.  Compared to years before, I have come through a lot, trust me, and I am getting through it still.  Just disappointing at times, as I want and need more joy and laughter.

Thank God I had enough wisdom and willpower to contact a counselor and go, now almost five years ago.  While she is no longer my counselor but was for four years, I gained so much in all areas of my life.  I still see counselors and plan to get through this life.

B48B6340-8519-45E6-84E4-CE840CED5124This pattern and not knowing of Aspergers when I walked through her door back then was making me crazy.  Had it not been for going for counseling, I do not know where I would be today.  This is a great book.  👉🏻

For now, my temper tantrum is less… until next time.  Thanks for spending it with me. 😉 ML

 

Back Off Girlfriend!

I realize people have a good heart and Christians want to witness and make contact with church members and/or friends/family that need to be in church and become a Christian. We are all to show ourselves friendly and to help others.

There comes a time though when it is wrong for a single, divorced woman to text me about my husband’s church attendance and if she can contact him and encourage him.  No! 3B8113F5-CED4-493B-A900-31D1501F8164What makes me crazed about this situation is that she should know better. We have heard the same messages at church.

How or what would you do?

There are many of us women (wives) that attend church alone, I see it all the time.

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I want to text her back and might at some point or see her at church and if asked, say that her requirement as a single, divorced woman should only be to pray for him.  For a woman to contact a married man is not okay in my books.  This opens up a whole can of worms, as they say.

Whether or not my marriage is perfect is none of her business or others; there is still a marriage license in force.

I’m just floored that she had the gall to contact me but I guess she feels we are friends, close enough that is to either get the scoop or my permission.  No!  If I was not so nice, I would rip into her.  If there is definite contact made, I will.

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Sometimes, I just shake my head and this was one of those moments.  Crazy enough and just like the Lord, I was questionning her a few months back about an interest in him, figuring it was just a fear on my part.  Now, I wonder if that was a warning.  No matter.  No!

Pay attention to your gut instincts!

If he goes to church with me or not.  None of your business.  He is a grown man, too, and he has choices of his own whether to go or not.  Not mine.  Not yours.

As Christians, we are to pray for others.

In passing, to invite to church is one thing.  There are other men in the church that should be reaching out to care and witness to other men, not a single, divorced woman. Same with women contacting other women with care and concern.  It’s conservative and respectful but for a reason.

Sometimes, I am just amazed at people and crazy enough, church people.