Forever Ago

C78DC95D-C5B1-4114-8657-F085C3AB879EToday I picked up a photo book I put together of pictures and memories from early on to the end of our dog’s life. Neither my husband or I had a dog growing up so getting one along with having young boys, I was asking for more work. What was I thinking? I remember at the beginning, fifteen years ago, this puppy then followed me around the house, just like a toddler. I remember it driving me crazy. 6718E804-C86A-4ABF-BAB0-7EAA8EF918FBI was done with that stage and yet I am back in this mode. The puppy stage! Yikes. Perhaps ignorance on our part, too, and trusting this animal in my house with wood floors and a potty mishap. I was so done.

FF150D41-49FB-4B34-8820-58A041A3DD5FWhile my husband and boys bonded with this dog, I had not. With the urine accident, a day off work, we had a meeting of the minds. I told this sweet, beautiful dog that this was not to happen ever again. Strangely enough, it did not. It was that day, we bonded. Just like correcting a child, you correct and then you love. Amazing.

Those eyes and facial expressions tell everything and as time goes, you can understand and know exactly what they want, feel or need. Do they train us or do we train them?

Our schedule through the years were around this dog, getting up to going to bed, potty breaks, walks, food preferences, etc. How can you not love them?

This dog of ours was a rescue and I was the one to find it on Petfinder.com. Still I was the one that was losing my patience with it until that one day and everything changed.

Our days in the last fifteen years were filled with caring for this four-legged animal, but she filled our lives with joy, love and laughter. There were times that when things were not all that great in our home, she would lay at my feet or do something to make us laugh to break the sadness.

As the last few months brought on an oral cancer and having it removed, we knew our days were numbered. Still we felt we had a few months but proved to only be a month, if that, as another tumor occurrence returned. No more surgery, no more pain for our selfishness.

Remember the day I said we had a meeting of the minds and then the facial expressions, too?  The day we scheduled to put her down, I had been trying to take pics of her and I wanted one so bad of me and her together.  I swear, she looked at me and as if she said, Enough!

AC464BFD-5638-4784-941F-812108BDF853I looked at her and said, okay, no more. It was time.  I knew she was then ready although we were not, yet we were for her.

Today, is one month and to pick up the photo book from the store, then realizing it is the one-month anniversary, tears rolled and still.  Only four weeks but feels like forever ago.  I sure miss that dog. A6060541-60D2-4B17-B333-95FB74CF9D46

Who rescues who?  ❤️

 

Goodbye Baby

38433AE9-810F-447D-A975-77BAF78D1921In just over twenty-four hours, three of us will be walking in for a dreaded appointment but only two will be walking out. Our precious Baby will be crossing The Rainbow Bridge. My goodness, how hard it is to make this decision and to carry it out. While I know it is the right thing to do, I hesitate and think well maybe one more day, one more week. The same result will come. It is time.

I have held my sweet cats when this was needed many times through the years but never a dog. These silly animals can wreck havoc on the hearts of humans. Their eyes tell you so many things, they wag their tail with joy when they greet you, bark when you leave as to saying take me with you or maybe it has been goodbye. It is so 6E4A7C5E-8F65-4F81-8F72-6B104DBEAE79hard and will be so hard to not see or step over or around this bundle of love.

Our Baby is old so she has way outlived her years more than most. Just this year, oral cancer has been aggressive even after one successful surgery and now weeks later again it returns. I cannot do another surgery. It’s not fair to her and selfish for us to try desperate measures to hold her here.

While I understand this task and grief in past pets leaving, actual family members passing and just relationships ending, the grief is intense. My husband is a basket case and will be, never having close connections in death or experiencing such. I will grieve and he will grieve but this might bring out a part in him that he is unsure of and me, too. I know in such situations, you take life day by day and when that is too much, hour by hour.

Our sweet Baby will never be forgotten and we will for a long time be ready to let her out to potty, take a walk, get her favorite treats, remember her sitting in her favorite spots in the yard only to be reminded she is no longer here as tears may flow.  Adjustment. A new normal for our home.

A rescue animal. Who rescues who? ❤️75C2D0C0-A77F-4950-AA68-1E9737457111