Sisters, But Strangers

I find myself boggled more and more, in my senior years, realizing my sister and I are so different. Yes, we are all unique, made in the image of God. The love of family members is there but our uniqueness is chaotic to me. Perhaps, because I am the youngest, just odd, her feeling I am still a child, her baby sister. Perhaps, I trust myself more and know who I am. Just because she is older and perhaps wiser, I also am.

Months ago I wrote a short blog-like story on my Facebook page. It was on the serious side of me but encouragement for others to know they can face tomorrow, as storms in life come. In my brief testimony, my sister could not understand it and worried about me, making an opportunity to visit to see if I was okay. To her surprise, as I knew myself, I am fine and happier than I have been in many years. While trying to explain, she could not grasp but thought the worse.

I realized she can handle joking about my struggles but not the seriousness. How sad is that? So with her, I put my seriousness aside and not being the true me. She does not know me. She thinks she does though. Sadly, years ago, I felt closer to my counselor for this very reason, as she heard me, she knew me more. The depth of my seriousness and even my silly, fun personality, I could be me.

Again, last night, a discussion that reminded me that we are sisters but strangers. This will never change.

Sisterly love I believe it’s called, I guess.

Let The Lord

Many, many years ago, I had a friend since childhood but we lost touch but then reconnected. She has known me for years and my family, growing up. For a long time, we walked and enjoyed the time together talking and laughing.

Then it came a point I became overwhelmed basically with two toddlers and elderly parents. We lost one another again.

Later, my children were older and my mother had passed. We walked, but seldom. It was after my father passing, being an Administrator of the estate, the greed and claws come out of various family members.

No matter what I did, it was wrong. There is always one or in my case two that can stir up issues. These two seemed to find all my friends or those that knew our family and if anyone would listen, they rip me apart.

I am sure some saw through the talk and stirring up strife they caused but I gave up.

Thinking I could go to each one and share my side of the story was overwhelming. I was emotionally drained and added grief of not only losing my parents, but my friends. Now, who to trust was my dilemma.

My conclusion was that if those that listened and believed the one side, where they really friends anyway? Could I fight through and push the truth? Sure. Why though?

Sometimes there are those that need to talk and feel as the victim. If only the others knew my side and the stories I could share. Let it go. Easy? No!

I had to hold onto the words, let the Lord fight my battles and trust Him. Easy? No! I had to!

Just this weekend, I invited my walking friend to a home party I am having with a note that I miss her. Today, I have not had a reply. Will she come? I don’t know but I opened the door to welcome her. Or will it open up the door to the words spoken against me?

Again, I let the Lord fight by battles. What happened, what was said and still, the harm done, etc., is the past. I cannot do a thing about it or erase.

I’ve been ripped to shreds BUT GOD.

Sadly, this happens quite a bit in families with an estate.

Sometimes God will fight the actual battle through you, other times He will simply tell you to hold your position and do absolutely nothing, and then He will move Himself to completely take out the attack coming against you. This is where God shows you how powerful and how awesome He really is when He moves into battle to personally protect you.

https://www.bible-knowledge.com/god-will-fight-your-battles/

A Loss Within

Our family is once again hit with dementia lurking, as my mother-in-law is exhibiting signs more and more.

In her though, I have to hope it was an onset with her welcoming and God allowing it to come, as she dealt with a man full of control and emotional along with verbal abuse, for years. This protected her.

This sweet lady endured so much while we had to keep our distance from the same man. While he exhibited issues, something clicked in 2018 and made it worse. They both aged twenty years, as I compared photos within a fourteen-month span. Still, we had to hold our distance, making minimal visits to observe, with excuses to get in the door.

Now, speed forward, he passed away this year and that in itself was a horrid situation. How terrible to say, but a relief although so sad.

While she is in our care now, she has improved so much, those twenty years after helping her in hygienic ways, she looks younger and happier. Memory of him is long gone, for the better.

How long we get to enjoy this sweet lady is unknown but she will never be abused. Hopefully, her dementia will not worsen but usually it does. We will cross that bridge as it comes.

I ordered a book called, A 36-Hour Day. The reviews have been great from others in this role. Some advice we are already doing, not knowing, which gives me hope that we have been doing the right things to help her.

We are learning as we go. Slow but steady steps. We have crossed big hurdles until the next one to get here where we are today. Now we are smooth sailing and making great strides.

Thankful that we have the means of doing what we are accomplishing and hope and pray to continue.

Everything that happened during the COVID19, was not all bad. It allows her son to work from home still, caring for her in her own home and surroundings.

I have the best mother-in-law. She has the best daughter-in-law. That’s what I tell her and we both laugh. I’m the only daughter-in-law. Truth!

Blessed.

Exodus 20:12
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.”