You Are Just Like……

Stress and worry over this virus can cause such a panic, even if you do everything possible to prevent it from attacking. Nowadays, do we even know how to trace back to whomever, as many have not taken the necessary precautions and still feel like they are immune. I don’t want to believe it is real but it is. I have had way too many people I know in the hospital dealing with it and some as far as hours of being put on the ventilator.

This past week, I had a co-worker succumb to the virus. He was in an induced coma for a month, vitals were good, then a tracheotomy and days later a heart issue appeared. No doubt that is what made the final breath. A friend in Florida, the same.

Knowing I have A-Fib, my chances are high but we never know how it might affect others, even in good health. What an evil virus, it is.

This past weekend, I had plans to go hang curtains at my son’s new house, but it just never worked out. Everything fell into place but walking in the door. I found myself frustrated but I can only do so much. I went home, somewhat aggravated at my son and the whole situation.

Little did I know until two days later, he was asleep due to a fever. As a mom, my inner screams were let me in, let me take care of you son. All the precautions somewhat go by the wayside. It did not happen. Looking back, I was prevented from entering his home and plans were diminished, which I hope to think was the Lord protecting me.

Still, now knowing details, but my son was sick. To know now that he was sick and I could not get to him, I feel like a mom failure. Is it failure though or protective? If he would call today saying, ‘mom I need you.’ I’m there. I would take my chances. In that though, he is young and will get well, I’m old and could die. I know that he would feel guilty. What to do and what not to do.

We have stayed in contact and his older brother, just ten minutes away from him where I am an hour away, knows to check on him also. It definitely gives this mom some relief and less worry. I know when I am sick, I do not think to look up information or feel up to taking medication, ask for help, etc.

Knowing how I am, I guess others are the same, I don’t know. Just let me be. I have sent him locations near him to get the Covid19 test. Last night, I sent Urgent Care locations to go get an X-ray, shot, meds. Thankfully, an Amazon delivery arrives today with an oximeter, etc. Over the days of him dealing with this alone, I can tell him some things to do to help prevent pneumonia, which he gets easy, stay hydrated best with room temperature water, etc. All I can do and have done is give him direction and the tools to get through this. Will he?

This morning, I send a gif of a chest X-ray to remind him to go, trying to make a point but perhaps a smile of him thinking, ‘Oh mom!’ Please Go! Will he? Again, I can only do so much. While thinking and praying for him, which is good, it is my constant worry that I need to do more, be there, I need to help him, mom can make it better. No, I need to continuously pray but not worry and stay in peace. I need the Lord to touch my son and help and heal him. My son needs to call on the Lord himself. I have done and given without trying to be overbearing mom, I hope. He has to choose, he knows I want him to go get checked out to prevent pneumonia. Will he?

In life, besides this fever, he knows right from wrong. He is independent and a smart kid, but he is also very hardheaded. I will say stubborn also. Sometimes he pushes my buttons and causes me more gray hair. It is at these times, I sometimes think or say jokingly (not in a bad way as we both have good and bad qualities), ‘You are just like…. your father.’ I stop and realize and say more seriously, ‘You are just like…..me.’

He will and I will get through this and many other situations in life, as we have in the past. As our independent, hardheaded and stubbornness collides, I’ll still say he is like…. his father although I know the truth, he is more and just like me.

I love this child, both my children, and I pray for both, of course, but he keeps my prayer life active, as I told my sister the other night. She also has two sons and understands. The worry comes but it is when we put our trust and faith in the Lord to watch over our children, to protect them, lead and direct, where we cannot do them justice, as He can. We have to let go and let God.

Mom, Don’t Go There!

Those little boys of mine always fun and also a lot of work, but I would not have changed those moments together, unless to add more.

Where did the time go? Just yesterday….. as we have all said at some point. The kiddos were little and we were worn out. It seemed like high school took forever, but I remember that being my case also, when in school. The college years flew and they never returned home. An empty nest was an adjustment as the house was quiet and mom’s kitchen was clean. Oh, I miss those days at times with a house full of neighborhood kids hanging out, even the talking, laughter, odors and messes.

My boys grew up to be wonderful, adults and makes this mom so proud. The time in between visits is less than I prefer but I remember being young once. Life gets busy, we all work and they have their life to live. Still, it’s nice hanging out with our adult children.

The roles have reversed somewhat. This past weekend, I hung out with my boys as my youngest was moving. A move always will bring about a contact, “Hey mom, want to come down and help decorate my new place?” I knew that meant more than to decorate but off I went to help and spend time with them.

This day of moving was on his twenty-seventh birthday so that made it even better, for me. I’m sure he’d rather be hanging out with friends and drinking a beer but he was stuck with his mom and brother hauling boxes out of one place to another. It was all good, us three together, but exhausting.

The next day, him and I finished the last few hauls to the new place. Exhaustion was an understatement but we pushed through. It was when he was to go for a final walk through with the previous landlord but he sent his roommate and did not join, but his name was on the lease. I did not care for that. I made a comment about his name on the lease but knew to shut up.

This child of mine is twenty-seven, he is an adult. Whatever the reason to not go and finalize the closure is between him and the landlord. Not mom. Actually, it took pressure off me, as I have no control. He has and will make decisions I may or may not agree with but he knows he has to face consequences if a wrong decision or circumstance. I have seen him work through situations, not asking for help or a handout, which makes me proud. Sometimes, if he would just listen to his mom, it would be easier. Right?

On my hour drive home, I was thinking about the move, our conversations and knowing he is at a fork in the road with his business due to the pandemic. He is a true entrepreneur and will figure it out, he always does.

Driving and thinking back also on my young, single days, as he is, I made some stupid decisions and have regrets. We all have. It’s part of growing up and being mature and independent. The words, I wish I did, I wish I didn’t, if only I could go back, I regret, etc., those moments are done and over. Hopefully, through each circumstance, we all have learned a lesson. Some do and some don’t.

The independence of this adult son, both sons, continue to grow and mom is not needed as much. While I am proud of them, I find it sad. I see the tide turning, as I add their names to my emergency contacts. I seem to ask for their advice more and for help, if needed. I’m not a nursing home candidate yet but my stage in life is gaining ground.

As there is distance between us, it takes time to organize to visit, and the days pass so quickly. I often wonder if one day they will regret not calling or texting mom more or visiting, etc. I would say that is a rite of passage for all parents and children, which is sad. I want them to remember their mom as being their biggest cheerleader in life, that they never had to wonder if they were loved, I was always available 24/7, even for those 3:00 a.m. calls, as my youngest knew I would be there for him and to pray. Remembering our laughter of silly times together or knowing I would always help clean, catch up on their laundry, decorate and hang curtains that I hope to finish this weekend. I’m there for them, if they want or need me.

It’s probably a good thing we live an hour away. Mom has her place but not in their business. They are doing fine on their own. I am one proud mom.

https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/11-encouraging-prayers-for-your-son.html

https://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/pray-for-your-adult-children-11607227.html

https://lysaterkeurst.com/2014/01/17/10-prayers-for-your-daughter/

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Christmas as a child was such a fun, exciting time. No worries seemed to overwhelm me although I had many at times, too. It just seemed that the excitement of the twinkling lights, Christmas music, cold temperatures, snow and the expectation that Santa would visit our home with gifts, which would be such a surprise.

As I think back over my young life and the excitement I had then, I cannot help but smile. It was the time of the year that was all about me, because I was the youngest and I still believed in Santa. My mind would wander as my dad would drive a car load of kids and adults down to the bakery that was many miles away and he would always take the longest route so we could see all the Christmas lights, so he said. Of course, as I grew up I learned it was to give my mom and those left behind time to set up the presents to make the excitement so much more for me and of my nieces and nephews, as our ages were quite close. I remember asking questions, how did Santa do that? All the questions that young kids ask that seem none ending. The stories that he came early as he had other homes to visit, I fell for all of their lies. Still, I laugh and smile because I was all into it. There was a joy within me.

The thought of the bakery was one of my favorite places to go, not just because the donuts were so good and they were, but to go in the back door and watch them make the donuts, after hours. To just get lost in the aroma and the thought of how it all worked behind the scenes before they popped the donuts in the showcase counter. I just found it fascinating to watch and still to this day, I like to see how things are done, no matter whether it be donuts to a big machine.

I still have memories of my sister telling me about this one man at the bakery and had me focus in on his hand. He was missing a finger or two. Yes they were missing and being the older sister, she was always one to cause me question those around me. It all makes sense now from the counseling sessions why I distrust people. Of course, it was all fun and games to her but in my mind, I took things way too serious and the donut man with a few missing fingers, were they cut off from all the machines they used. Of course, me thinking if…. they were in a donut. Oh, I could tell you stories she fed me growing up. Sisters!

Photo by Nicole Michalou on Pexels.com

This year as we all try to find the excitement of the Christmas season, it seems to take much more effort than before. It has been for me anyway but, of course, my age has something to do with it all, too. I still have yet to finish my Christmas tree, wrap gifts, etc., and tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I know it will all fall together, as it always does.

I think back and try to grasp the joy I had as a child and in some parts I do. My inner child is so desiring for some joy of the Christmas lights, snow and excitement that I have lost. Even though, my Christmas Eve or mornings as a child were fun while I believed. I have nice memories through the years of Christmas and especially with my boys. I always try to make it as exciting or more so for them and still to this day. I will do something fun and unexpected each year to cause laughter in our home. One year, I remember that I had a big box and multiple wrapped boxes inside with the gift in the smallest box. I can still remember my son opening up each box and looking at me. He loved it. This year is no different, but will be something different. One year, I tied socks individually with Christmas ribbon and stuffed them in an empty cardboard paper roll and wraped it so they would pull and pull and pull socks out. Those are some of my fun times. They know to expect something, knowing their mom will always have something up her sleeve. Yes, I do! This year is no exception.

What are your memories as a child that brings a smile to your face? What was your favorite Christmas? Did you have a gift or a toy that you loved? We all need to be reminded and know the joy within and of others, especially when things around us are not so joyous. This has been a rough year. We need to keep the joy alive and our hope that we are worth having fun and enjoying life, even in just the little things. No matter what age.

Free printable version of Luke 2 for your kids to memorize and color.
Twas the night before Christmas Printable  16 x 20 image 0
Christmas Songs for Kids - Preschool Inspirations