In all of my life, which is many years, now being a senior citizen, I have always heard the line, “it comes in threes.” This could be appliances breakdown, financial crisis, or deaths usually. No doubt you have heard and experienced such saying.
The stroke of anticipation or perhaps fear knowing this does hold true, for the most part. Or have I/we just count to three and move on to reset the mode?
This past week, I had a bout with irregular heartbeat, which can cause some disturbance with the body, of course, but mentally. Am I going to die? Is this the one that will carry me onto Glory? Im still here. Shew!
Prior to this, my sweet neighbor passed on Monday morning. Her death was expected in time but it became a reality. It placed some sadness on our small, dead end street between neighbors.
Then on Friday morning, my tall trooper of a neighbor with many medical issues passed away from a heart attack, as he was beginning his day.
Within these five days, two deaths. Both houses are my view from my chair, as I write. How odd is that? Too close for comfort, now that grief has expanded.
Now if I die, this is a perfect triangle. How morbid thinking, I know, but my heart could have went haywire on me more-so to cause death. Am I number three, yet?
How odd, this is all so close. Both neighbors are grieving. Hopefully, I will be a strong anchor for them in the days ahead by being a good neighbor but praying for them of their comings and their goings or the emotions that emerge behind closed doors.
If all comes in threes, well number three is soon to come. It could be anyone. It could be anytime.
Death. It happens to us all, at some point. Until, please live and live life and take care of you. When the time comes, have no regrets. Live your best life now.
Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
Last night I had many hours to view and think. Going to the emergency room is never delightful. Knowing time is going to be ate up with many hours of waiting. Waiting. Waiting to be triaged, called and tests done with results.
This was upon me. Seven days of pain was too much. I was over it. I had a choice of two hospitals to my liking. Lord, where am I to go? The one I chose, I found I was questioning my choice at five hour mark of waiting. It was a long night.
The place was packed. It was a Monday. Was it a full moon, I wondered but did not want to waste my cell phone battery? All these thoughts and wanting to just go home and suffer another night. Could I go another day? Already signed in, not knowing how the insurance would be affected. I stayed. I made a choice. Going forward.
Finding the right place to settle down was not easy, as I walked and looked. This is an ER, so the poor, pitiful looks was a lot to take in. I did find a place but a husband wife needed to sit together, so I was on the hunt again after I paced and felt a comfort location and sat down.
We were all sitting and waiting in our pod now. The occasional glance of each other, while we all watch the ER fill up non-stop. Sitting at the first pod, we saw it all. Amazing.
In time, one lady and I started talking, then another and another. Spending seven hours waiting, not afraid to talk and share, even though we each had an issue, we laughed and got to know each other in what time we had upon us.
Then one by one, we celebrated their name called to be seen. High-five moments. One guy was sharing his family photos of his beautiful family with me. The grandma, sitting with her ex-daughter-in-law, who brought her, was sharp as a whip and funny. That right there was perhaps the reason I chose this ER. The daughter-in-law, early on told me she divorced her son but kept his mom. Later, I had to ask her before leaving, if her and him are still friends and they are. My own situation, it can be done.
I left mid-point of our group saying our goodbyes, and I felt like I left nice people. Too bad we cannot reconnect in better circumstances. Still, we helped one another endure the dreaded time. I hope they sensed the same.
Stress and worry over this virus can cause such a panic, even if you do everything possible to prevent it from attacking. Nowadays, do we even know how to trace back to whomever, as many have not taken the necessary precautions and still feel like they are immune. I don’t want to believe it is real but it is. I have had way too many people I know in the hospital dealing with it and some as far as hours of being put on the ventilator.
This past week, I had a co-worker succumb to the virus. He was in an induced coma for a month, vitals were good, then a tracheotomy and days later a heart issue appeared. No doubt that is what made the final breath. A friend in Florida, the same.
Knowing I have A-Fib, my chances are high but we never know how it might affect others, even in good health. What an evil virus, it is.
This past weekend, I had plans to go hang curtains at my son’s new house, but it just never worked out. Everything fell into place but walking in the door. I found myself frustrated but I can only do so much. I went home, somewhat aggravated at my son and the whole situation.
Little did I know until two days later, he was asleep due to a fever. As a mom, my inner screams were let me in, let me take care of you son. All the precautions somewhat go by the wayside. It did not happen. Looking back, I was prevented from entering his home and plans were diminished, which I hope to think was the Lord protecting me.
Still, now knowing details, but my son was sick. To know now that he was sick and I could not get to him, I feel like a mom failure. Is it failure though or protective? If he would call today saying, ‘mom I need you.’ I’m there. I would take my chances. In that though, he is young and will get well, I’m old and could die. I know that he would feel guilty. What to do and what not to do.
We have stayed in contact and his older brother, just ten minutes away from him where I am an hour away, knows to check on him also. It definitely gives this mom some relief and less worry. I know when I am sick, I do not think to look up information or feel up to taking medication, ask for help, etc.
Knowing how I am, I guess others are the same, I don’t know. Just let me be. I have sent him locations near him to get the Covid19 test. Last night, I sent Urgent Care locations to go get an X-ray, shot, meds. Thankfully, an Amazon delivery arrives today with an oximeter, etc. Over the days of him dealing with this alone, I can tell him some things to do to help prevent pneumonia, which he gets easy, stay hydrated best with room temperature water, etc. All I can do and have done is give him direction and the tools to get through this. Will he?
This morning, I send a gif of a chest X-ray to remind him to go, trying to make a point but perhaps a smile of him thinking, ‘Oh mom!’ Please Go! Will he? Again, I can only do so much. While thinking and praying for him, which is good, it is my constant worry that I need to do more, be there, I need to help him, mom can make it better. No, I need to continuously pray but not worry and stay in peace. I need the Lord to touch my son and help and heal him. My son needs to call on the Lord himself. I have done and given without trying to be overbearing mom, I hope. He has to choose, he knows I want him to go get checked out to prevent pneumonia. Will he?
In life, besides this fever, he knows right from wrong. He is independent and a smart kid, but he is also very hardheaded. I will say stubborn also. Sometimes he pushes my buttons and causes me more gray hair. It is at these times, I sometimes think or say jokingly (not in a bad way as we both have good and bad qualities), ‘You are just like…. your father.’ I stop and realize and say more seriously, ‘You are just like…..me.’
He will and I will get through this and many other situations in life, as we have in the past. As our independent, hardheaded and stubbornness collides, I’ll still say he is like…. his father although I know the truth, he is more and just like me.
I love this child, both my children, and I pray for both, of course, but he keeps my prayer life active, as I told my sister the other night. She also has two sons and understands. The worry comes but it is when we put our trust and faith in the Lord to watch over our children, to protect them, lead and direct, where we cannot do them justice, as He can. We have to let go and let God.