I’ve Been Warned

BBB80A59-D2BF-498C-82F4-7120309FCD86I had the pleasure of being a mother to two awesome boys. When I was growing up, I always thought I wanted a girl. I knew with my husband being from a family of all boys, the odds were pretty good for another boy.  I decided against a third child due to caring for my parents while having toddlers. I was overwhelmed. Two was plenty and a joy but also hard work, as they keep you on your toes.  I was responsible for these two and I hoped and prayed I would be a good mother.

01AB140F-6B07-4093-A009-F365301399AB

I enjoyed each age and stages in their lives and so proud of them as they grew up, and still.   Both are grown and successful in life with their professions.  My oldest is married, celebrating their second anniversary in several weeks.

The other night, I again had to deal with the fact of being asked to watch their dog while they go do something fun with her parents this coming weekend. This was not the first time. While I do not mind, I would enjoy time with them, too.  I had to laugh as I remembered my boss warning me 96AFF840-1BBA-414C-B2F5-E73ADC6354B3before their marriage that I will lose him as a son and he was correct. Still, it hurts.

I know I am not the only one that gets sad in this scenario. Am I?  As I tried to talk myself out of the pity party I was having, I thought I would just write about it.  I was warned not just by my boss but my sister also having boys.

9C7CD8FD-00D4-4C6B-9794-9F05ED099623In having boys, I have to wonder and sometimes fret over my age, if I will need care or a nursing home.  What will happen? I certainly hope my daughter-in-law loves me as much as I love her. I am in the role of watching others in this position and if the boys step up to the plate in caring for their aging parents.

So, if you have boys, you’ve been warned. lol

501A9BC2-BFBF-4AD7-8D4C-3006B385C8A6

Big Ears

Little pitchers have big ears.

“Prov. Children like to listen to adult conversations and can understand a lot of what they hear. (Used to warn another adult not to talk about something because there is a child present.) I started to tell Mary about the date I had on Saturday, but she interrupted me, saying, “Little pitchers C4591558-7ADA-4119-9C48-6DBCCC7A618Fhave big ears,” and looked pointedly at her six-year-old daughter, who was in the room with us.”

Just that one look, numerous times told me as a young child I was in the way and not wanted.  I guess I could almost mind read at that age of get out, you are not welcome, you are in the way and so on and so on.

No wonder I felt rejected and unloved as a child.

472BC27F-D974-4405-B6AF-0AFA1D5EF953Years and years, those words rang over in my mind.  I always thought it was pictures on the wall, as pictures with faces have ears but it is a pitcher because the handle is shaped like an ear.  Go figure!  I just learned that today as I am typing this.

I am sure this was just a warning to the other adult but to a child, it held significance.

While there were times I heard the discussion being had, I don’t remember much.  Although at an early age, I knew that time was a private time usually between my Mother and another, giving advice or just listening to one vent and then the tears would come, Mom calling this time, having church.2424851A-CB4A-4EBF-8B58-12C04CA46657

With each of these church services, as they called it, I knew I was to not tell what I heard.  I learned early on to be private and not gossip, which is not a bad thing.

To this day, I feel that if you confide in me, that is locked in me not to share, ever.  A good quality.

Still, the fact of just now realizing those words and meaning caused great harm to me of feeling rejected.  To look back, I never once had a ‘church service’ as such, in that sense.

EFBA5469-BCD0-4202-B7AC-95C2BC54E40ANow, I understand it’s not pictures but pitchers.  Through many years of counseling on childhood issues, not just about this but it made a huge impact, more than I realized.

Today, I know that I am wanted, I am loved and I can heal from the brokenness within by God.  To deal with this today, and to understand and to know my place, healing can begin moreso and I welcome it.

I still struggle but understanding the root of the problem, I know He is doing a work in me.  I welcome God to heal the broken places within my heart. He loves me like no other.

If this can relate to you, He also loves you, please know you are worthy and He can heal your broken places within, too.  Trust Him!

77867336-9858-453C-AB11-1A399BA4B93B