There are moments in life that happen, whether expected or unexpected, and your physical body and emotions cannot carry anymore. You need a break, you need rest.
These moments of time spent and caring for yourself to take time to withdraw, makes the mental toll on one also. Now there are the lies we hear within that we are lazy.
Years, I let that lie heap upon me due to my situation. It was not until I told my counselor years ago, and she gave me the gift of knowing it was okay to nap, to rest. I was exhausted from it all. Again, a free gift that meant the world to me, as it lifted a load off of me and gave me a freedom.
Now, as a new chapter emerges in my life and family situation, I have had to endure my time with one that drained me before. While I can limit my time and understand that I can leave, it helps. I have noticed though, within me, that the day after of spending any amount of time with this one, I am exhausted yet again. It is like I need to recharge until the next expected time I need to be present.
This is such a draining on me and so pattern-like that I want no more. Reminding myself… Just a little bit longer, as I am almost at the finish line.
Our family is once again hit with dementia lurking, as my mother-in-law is exhibiting signs more and more.
In her though, I have to hope it was an onset with her welcoming and God allowing it to come, as she dealt with a man full of control and emotional along with verbal abuse, for years. This protected her.
This sweet lady endured so much while we had to keep our distance from the same man. While he exhibited issues, something clicked in 2018 and made it worse. They both aged twenty years, as I compared photos within a fourteen-month span. Still, we had to hold our distance, making minimal visits to observe, with excuses to get in the door.
Now, speed forward, he passed away this year and that in itself was a horrid situation. How terrible to say, but a relief although so sad.
While she is in our care now, she has improved so much, those twenty years after helping her in hygienic ways, she looks younger and happier. Memory of him is long gone, for the better.
How long we get to enjoy this sweet lady is unknown but she will never be abused. Hopefully, her dementia will not worsen but usually it does. We will cross that bridge as it comes.
I ordered a book called, A 36-Hour Day. The reviews have been great from others in this role. Some advice we are already doing, not knowing, which gives me hope that we have been doing the right things to help her.
We are learning as we go. Slow but steady steps. We have crossed big hurdles until the next one to get here where we are today. Now we are smooth sailing and making great strides.
Thankful that we have the means of doing what we are accomplishing and hope and pray to continue.
Everything that happened during the COVID19, was not all bad. It allows her son to work from home still, caring for her in her own home and surroundings.
I have the best mother-in-law. She has the best daughter-in-law. That’s what I tell her and we both laugh. I’m the only daughter-in-law. Truth!
Blessed.
Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.”
Today, as I listened to Reba McIntyre talk about her dad and how she never heard him tell her that he loved her growing up, laughing and brushing it off, I felt sad. What was it about that generation that did not say they loved their children? I know it must have hurt her even though she understood him. All children need to hear I Love You. I try to grasp what that generation was thinking, perhaps how they were raised. Did they not hear I Love You and figured that was the right way to raise their children or were they told too much and definitely did not want to repeat the same, which I really doubt. Maybe they were never told I Love You, so they lived a life of figuring they were loved, or also doubting of their parent’s love.
Had I heard those three words growing up, it sure would have saved me a lot of time and money in counseling. While that was not the main purpose of counseling, it played a big part of my life, a missing part. I discovered that I felt unlovable and not knowing even that until the counselor helped me see the dots connected. Something was just missing. Thank God she picked up on what I said and expressed of my childhood and adulthood.
While I, too, understood, I missed that part of truly knowing. Of course, they loved me, I am their child. RIght? Then again, I was an oopsie and did they regret me more than love me, which was a thought I often had. No, they loved me. It was just not part of them to express, and I have to remember that was just the way it was for them back then. How sad though that a child has to wonder such facts that should be an important part of growth.
Some will immediately state, of course, you were loved, as you had a roof over your head, shoes on your feet and food on the table. True! Is it that hard to say I Love You though to your own flesh and blood?
One thing, I learned of never hearing I Love You was to always tell my children that I love them. They never leave or hang up the phone call without their mom saying, I Love You. In turn, they tell me that they love me, which means the world to me. Maybe I run it in the ground too much whenever we leave one another, as I have thought, but how can one not enjoy hearing those three words. If I was to leave this world or they would, I want them to never have to guess or wonder if I loved them, vice versa. My heart beats for them, more than they will ever know. The last words, no matter when, I Love You!
I am sure in my parent’s heart, it beat for me, but my heart was broken many times when growing up, playing the guessing game if I truly was loved. Sadly, growing up never hearing, I never said those words to them either. Even though, they cared for me and at the end of their lives, I cared for them. That’s love!
It is understanding but yet forgiving them and myself of what did not happen in order to go on and know deep within that they loved me, and I loved them.
Never miss the opportunity to reassure those in your life of your appreciation, pay a compliment and put a positive word in their life and the most important is, I Love You.
Just Pondering... 