The Year That Wasn’t

I don’t know about you but the possibility to erasing this year all together would be okay with me. Let’s have a re-do. Let’s start all over.

The year 2020 did start out so well and everything and everyone was geared for a 20/20 vision, a year toward bright days ahead. Instead, we were all hit and blindsided by Covid19. The vision became poor and our mouths are covered with masks. Bound by rules that changed daily with confusion and chaos. Do we or don’t we wear a mask? Looks like we do and have to with the mandates. Fine, just stop the confusion.

So many lives, if not all and all around the world have been touched in some way, more worse than others. If that has been your case, I am sorry.

Now that we are at the end of October, holidays are gearing up and the excitement, planning menus, decorating, family and friends coming together, gift buying and all the things that make this the most wonderful time of the year. Now what? Do we actually do all of those things?

I think I have already heard one Governor say that his family will not gather at Thanksgiving. I felt as though that was a plea for us all to follow. Again chaos and wondering what is the right thing to do. How are we really to plan for such with purchasing food, the ingredients to make those favorite, yummy desserts, etc. I normally have around ten to fifteen in my house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have no clue what to do or to expect.

Is it safe to do so? We are all from different places and some areas or is just one of our family/friends carriers of this virus. Hey, I am the oldest and probably the most at risk due to my immune system. Although none of us are exempt, no matter what age. Now it comes down to, we cannot see clearly, our nose and mouths are covered, we need distancing and gatherings are frowned upon. People need people. I don’t like fear and all this has caused enough fear this year. In this, we need wisdom, too. What to do.

I miss my children. As in a previous blog, The Bubble, I mentioned the distance and no hug. I have not seen my youngest since July 4th and even then, the hesitancy was prevalent. Even before, no Easter gathering at all. Now what? I don’t know what, honestly. What are your plans? If you meet, do you plan to also wear a mask in your house? Do you want your family to come for Thanksgiving?

My children, I want to hug so bad and I would take a risk of me getting sick in that, but I must consider them. Is it selfish to want this closeness? I don’t think so, it is just a mother’s heart that wants them to know of my love, feel my embrace but also feel my assurance we will get through this. If I have been fearful and concerned, no doubt they have also. I bet you have been, too, at times. Even though they are older, they are and always will be my sweet boys. Faith over Fear… although at times we trample through the fear or trip to regain the faith.

As we also begin the Christmas season, buying gifts. I have not been around our children, in my case, to know and hear about their lives. Usually, I can pick up on clues of what they might want or definitely need. To celebrate the birthday of my son and daughter-in-law this year, I bought them a storm door and had it installed. No dinner, no cake, no fun time laughing and sharing. How sad. The door looks nice though and they love it. I really don’t know what to expect or even do for Christmas. Do I even put up a Christmas tree if we do not plan to gather? To go out and shop is one of the joys of seeing the pretty lights glisten everywhere we look, feel the crisp air that will not fully hit our face due to the mask worn, this is all questionable. Online shopping is great but just not the same. Here we are now excited to see the Amazon Prime truck come up the street, happy and thinking, it’s here.

First we need to get past what is directly in front of us, even before the holidays. The unrest around us and with it being an election year of a President, no matter which one wins the position, one side or the other will not be happy. Chaos and hatred will follow. Lord help us all.

Growing up, no doubt you had heard the saying or even your mom say, ‘I am going to slap you into next year.’ Since March, I have thought that and while it is somewhat funny, I just want this over. (Actually, it is not so funny if the word ‘slap’ can be a trigger for some (and me) and if so, I am sorry as I do understand.) The quote though, as much as I want to believe it will all be over, like a light switch turned off, I don’t think it will be. It might even be worse before it gets better. This will be a wait and see in the days and months ahead. Lots of prayers.

Soon we will end the year 2020. The year that wasn’t enjoyable but at times full of misery, void of many things we take for granted. A grieving period for those that have lost loved ones and for those of us that did not get to see our loved ones. Let’s get this year over, which wasn’t a good one, and hope and pray for the New Year of 2021 to be somewhat better. Let’s have FAITH for just that.

I don’t know about tomorrow. I just live from day to day.
I don’t borrow from its sunshine, For its skies may turn to gray.
I don’t worry o’er the future, For I know what Jesus said. And today he walks beside me, For he knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow
I don’t seem to understand. But I know who holds tomorrow. And I know who holds my hand.

I Hope You Hope

F799226C-5CE8-4D64-A072-9DDE5E188627Hope is a choice of courage. ~Terri Guillemets

As I sat down and held our old, heavyset cat, we both fell asleep. Easy to do for both of us.  Now, if the cat was writing this, she would write as I was held by my old, heavyset human mom we both fell asleep.7AF681FF-95B3-48CE-9E00-B274FA3030B1

Can you tell that this quarantine is starting to get to me? My days and hours are all messed up, the cats are messed up, they are as confused as I am.

As I was slowly waking up, at 3 am yet again, I was thinking and a lot of my thoughts were, I hope this or I hope that. Just thankful I had hope.

4B9726C2-16AC-41EA-8604-B2DAC95F1E21I hope this period that we are all experiencing, not just in our town or state but worldwide will end soon. I am sure you hope that, too.

I hope that my son is doing okay, as I feel he doesn’t tell me everything and I understand, as I do remember being young. When I called him, as a text message was not enough, I said several times I was not convinced he was okay. A week or two ago, he was not sure this COVID19 was for real. It is. Now pretty well stuck at his home as we all are, he has to manage and I cannot do it for him. So I do hope and pray that he is really okay, as he says he is. I must trust and put my faith in the Lord to help him, care for him and love him. Being a mom is hard, even as our children get older.F080EDCF-7E63-45A0-A26E-B5338A8500C4

I hope that one day I will see so and so.  I hope that one day or soon I will hear from certain ones, as I feel it is out of place to contact them. I wait and see and I hope.

I hope that through all of this we are all experiencing that we each will see life differently and be more appreciative of everyone that is in our lives and just how blessed we really are.

I hope for so many things. I hope I will be a better person, mother, sister, friend, mother/daughter-in-law and most of all, a stronger Christian. I hope I can toss away the intimidation and fear in life, in my praise and worship and not care what others think of me. I don’t want to be the same person that I was. Perhaps this is an awakening for each of us.

749799C1-B069-4FDF-A295-E9A23872970BOn a lighter note, I hope that I can make my hair look nice and not try cutting it myself. No doubt many are stressing, as I am. We will all have new hairdos.  We just might like this change, but I don’t have much hope in that, for me.

I do have hope for each of us. As we go forward through days of uncertainty and distancing, I pray that you also have HOPE.

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Hope is an optimistic state of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes with respect to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large. As a verb, its definitions include: “expect with confidence” and “to cherish a desire with anticipation.”

https://lifehopeandtruth.com/bible/bible-study/encouraging-bible-verses/encouraging-bible-verses-about-hope/