Stress

You Drain Me

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There are moments in life that happen, whether expected or unexpected, and your physical body and emotions cannot carry anymore. You need a break, you need rest.

These moments of time spent and caring for yourself to take time to withdraw, makes the mental toll on one also. Now there are the lies we hear within that we are lazy.

Years, I let that lie heap upon me due to my situation. It was not until I told my counselor years ago, and she gave me the gift of knowing it was okay to nap, to rest. I was exhausted from it all. Again, a free gift that meant the world to me, as it lifted a load off of me and gave me a freedom.

Now, as a new chapter emerges in my life and family situation, I have had to endure my time with one that drained me before. While I can limit my time and understand that I can leave, it helps. I have noticed though, within me, that the day after of spending any amount of time with this one, I am exhausted yet again. It is like I need to recharge until the next expected time I need to be present.

This is such a draining on me and so pattern-like that I want no more. Reminding myself… Just a little bit longer, as I am almost at the finish line.

Then I can walk away. You drain me.

Changes Change Me

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Everything runs like clockwork and then it all goes haywire.

Many do not like changes and I am definitely one. It’s not that I am like that in all areas but in certain ones, I am. It throws me for a loop.

It seems like everything in the world has been tossed. Perhaps this has caused many of the changes. It is not always a bad thing.

I realized that this one office I have gone to for over a year, her process and routine has changed. New office worker where there was none. Less time with the practitioner. An uneasiness but I thought I was dealing with it all when I realized I am not. Less appointments and no desire to go. I do have an upcoming appointment, which will help me know what I plan to do.

The last six months, there have been changes at work. I adapted and handling but not without struggle. I had everything running like a well -oiled machine after fourteen years.

I’m too old for change. I thought I was too old for temper tantrums. The rebelliousness within me often hit the wall with disapproval. I wanted to quit.

As I felt I managed and on my way to keep things running smoothly, today I find we have more changes. If these tasks did not end on my lap, I could probably brush it off. I again am hitting the wall.

I have three years until retirement. I don’t know if I can make it was my thought today. The willingness to throw up my hands and forget it all was a very strong thought and desire. Maybe I will find another job. I love my job, except for the changes. Leave well enough alone. Will tomorrow be a better day to cope and tackle this task? Time will tell.

Changes do change me. I see my weak spots in my life, which can discourage me for a bit, but I also see that I am well capable of solving and making our office maintain its efficiency.

Time will definitely tell. Wish me luck!

Let The Lord

ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

Many, many years ago, I had a friend since childhood but we lost touch but then reconnected. She has known me for years and my family, growing up. For a long time, we walked and enjoyed the time together talking and laughing.

Then it came a point I became overwhelmed basically with two toddlers and elderly parents. We lost one another again.

Later, my children were older and my mother had passed. We walked, but seldom. It was after my father passing, being an Administrator of the estate, the greed and claws come out of various family members.

No matter what I did, it was wrong. There is always one or in my case two that can stir up issues. These two seemed to find all my friends or those that knew our family and if anyone would listen, they rip me apart.

I am sure some saw through the talk and stirring up strife they caused but I gave up.

Thinking I could go to each one and share my side of the story was overwhelming. I was emotionally drained and added grief of not only losing my parents, but my friends. Now, who to trust was my dilemma.

My conclusion was that if those that listened and believed the one side, where they really friends anyway? Could I fight through and push the truth? Sure. Why though?

Sometimes there are those that need to talk and feel as the victim. If only the others knew my side and the stories I could share. Let it go. Easy? No!

I had to hold onto the words, let the Lord fight my battles and trust Him. Easy? No! I had to!

Just this weekend, I invited my walking friend to a home party I am having with a note that I miss her. Today, I have not had a reply. Will she come? I don’t know but I opened the door to welcome her. Or will it open up the door to the words spoken against me?

Again, I let the Lord fight by battles. What happened, what was said and still, the harm done, etc., is the past. I cannot do a thing about it or erase.

I’ve been ripped to shreds BUT GOD.

Sadly, this happens quite a bit in families with an estate.

Sometimes God will fight the actual battle through you, other times He will simply tell you to hold your position and do absolutely nothing, and then He will move Himself to completely take out the attack coming against you. This is where God shows you how powerful and how awesome He really is when He moves into battle to personally protect you.

https://www.bible-knowledge.com/god-will-fight-your-battles/