My Hiding Place’s

F87F5CD4-B789-4CC2-B605-B11071B3CD93One day recently, I had time of which I have had a lot lately, probably you also, with the quarantine upon us all. As I was going through photos from over the years, taking time to organize a bit here and there, which was a nice break from cleaning, etc. Plus, for the most part, memory lane is nice to travel down although at times the tears flow in those memories and then the next photo will bring laughter. This in and out of emotions can make one wonder about their mental status, just saying. We each have emotions and during this time of the pandemic situation, more emotions are exhibited, and are normal.

In that week, I read or heard three counselors express their emotional battle through this pandemic. It just proves that they, too, are human. Two of the three are CC77231D-8433-4740-8AF2-851ECF34FCBDhaving the Telehealth counseling with clients dealing with the same and/or other issues. Here each one, although trained to listen, hold and help the client but inside them they also feel the same panic and chaos we all do. Of course, my mind wonders about my former and present counselors. How are they holding up?

About two weeks ago, I wrote a blog about the Lord being my hiding place and He is. Often I have had to hunker down and dwell to have hope to get through this myself and other issues over the years. We each have this hiding place available to us.

Spiritually, He is my hiding place. I can hide from the outside world and let my tears flow, I can be fearful, 38AAF785-05DF-4209-933F-5F0D9D92BCA9angry and lost in the chaos around me unsure where or what to do, and He protects me while I regain strength to go forth until I need to hide deep yet again. He is always there for us.

In my life the last six years or so, I have made some changes, around me and within me, I am not the same, thankfully. It feels good to know I am not stuck but inching forward.

I have two physical hiding places that I go to in order BAA2E341-0C48-4FF0-B34B-4DCF32C929A9to clear my head, to be alone by myself. It’s just me and the Lord, to cry, pray, read, write or do nothing. Just a break in life from everyone and everything. Both places are not far from my home, one north and one south and nobody knows where I am safely tucked away. Of course, I leave names and numbers for contact, if needed, and I am one-hundred 9C21ED44-77E0-4DD8-A785-4DCB5E49F214percent safe.

Even though I have time on my hands right now due to the restrictions upon us, and basically I am alone in a house of two anyway but my desire is to escape to my hiding place. In time I will but for now, I hope. The anticipation of what is to come.

8585B328-F750-4E98-9065-B847F13608E8Years ago and honestly up until 2017, I would not have done this. Always taking the back seat of cares and issues at home, a waste of money on me and every excuse possible because I thought I was not worth it. Oh but I am! The quote that you cannot poor from an empty cup, is true.

Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.

I could have been a better me, with others. To go back many years of when my boys were young and still at home, I could have been a better mom. A better wife, if I had taken care of me more. It is not selfish. I cannot do anything to change the past but I do have a say in my future.

To finally get to the point in my senior years now and to deeply feel, that I am worthy, is pretty sweet. It was worth all the pain I have gone through, disappointments, heartaches, rejection, you name it and to finally feel worthy, is like precious gold.BFD5264B-C658-4FE2-A63A-0676CBAA0035

Why did it take me so long to grasp the knowledge of knowing I am worthy, precious to God, I am loved, etc.? I knew but I did not know deep within. I could share of His Love to others, how He has blessed me in so many ways where at times it is mind boggling of His mercy and grace, of how He can do the same for them (you), and encourage others.  I do know though that something in 2017 clicked within me. Acceptance of His worthiness.

Perhaps I needed to walk through life, feel the pain, but also see that His Hand has been on my life through it all. Had I not gone through some areas in life, I would not be E8A236DD-DE21-4469-965E-E7004605361Asharing here and now, as I have a story. My story is His story sharing the mercy and grace bestowed upon me. We each have a story of the same, but do you recognize it?

So whether I go to my north or south hiding place, to be alone, I know I have a hiding place available twenty-four, seven, right where I am. He is there for me to calm my fears, collect my tears and give me hope to keep moving forward and hopefully offer encouragement. He does have a plan and a purpose for each of us.

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https://ponderingmissylou.com/2020/03/22/im-going-to-hide/

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Sanded Away

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A task I have been wanting to do for years but never enough time or desire to really attempt, I did. With this quarantine, I have had my ups and downs, but I am starting to enjoy being home. Working one day a week is not that bad, but I know once we are back in full swing, I will most likely be working overtime, so for now, I am enjoying my time, completing jobs on my to-do list and let’s not forget about those naps.

42A5E19A-F5FD-4D6B-9E79-CBE3603C27CBSo the past two weeks or so, I have taken my solid oak kitchen table top and two oak end tables out to the driveway and garage to sand, in between other projects. I tend to start many projects at a time, so I have a mess in many rooms. I get bored with one, work on another or allow time for paint to dry, etc. Oftentimes wondering if I will get it all back together, but I do. I actually enjoy working with wood, remodeling, decorating, recovering chair cushions and all that HGTV has to offer. Just give me a sledgehammer or a tool, they do not intimidate me.

As I am sanding this much used and abused table, enjoying the breeze as it scoots the dust out away from me, I think of all the memories this old table has held. Thinking back of when we got it and the hutch to match, back in 1991. Where did the time go? My parents bought this for us, as a gift in our first home.802CF288-5D30-42BB-9887-16912CB69FA1

I remember going to the furniture store to pick it out, knowing it would last for a lifetime; and thirty-one years later, it has many more years to go and will after I am dead and gone. I love oak or any solid wood furniture. I know if my son and daughter-in-law get this later on, she will paint it, all of my work covered in a color. The girl loves to paint wood furniture but I guess it won’t matter to me, so paint on!

The dinners, holidays, the birthday parties, games, puzzles, crafts, and if my husband wasn’t caught, he used it as a work bench, which I frowned upon. Seriously? No! I think he is scared of me and if so, my job is complete.49EB989C-A5DF-4294-BFD8-1EC5B57918E1

Memories of the past brings a smile, as memories are priceless as I enjoyed the time sanding. One table down and two end tables to go. The end tables were my parent’s tables, which I inherited. I picked them out when we went shopping for furniture many, many years ago so I did good and they have been great tables.

As I sand, take a step back to see if I need to sand more, I think, we all have areas in our lives that need to be sanded to make the rough edges smooth or buff the dull, lifelessness away for something new. Sometimes not a pleasant experience. Or perhaps we know ourselves well enough that we are aware of areas that need attention and to prepare in order to meet goals in life. It’s the end result that matters, of what we make of the rough edges and areas that need attention.B5A800A0-4F05-472E-8036-F446CC7F6580

In those times of sanding and buffing, hopefully we learn a lesson of what not to do, usually, or how to make better. If I could redo my life, of course, with what I know now, I definitely would change some things, a lot of things. What I have is today, to make my tomorrows better.

In myself, I started years ago, probably 2008, attempting but knocked down time and time again. In 2010, I made the decision to have weight-loss surgery to help my self-esteem and confidence come alive, which helped but I kept getting snagged in some rough places. Finally, in 2014, enough was enough and the buffing began in my life with counseling. This was not always comfortable but worth the end result of what I can see come about and hope for. I’m getting there!

Why did it take me so long to understand and why I do the things I do, think, feel? Now it is like I don’t have a lot of time left in life to enjoy, as my age increases, but I will to the best of my ability to reach toward the goals and trust the Lord through it all. as I have done.80F6F564-6467-479B-9638-CDA147FC2414

Had it not been for this period of counseling, I really don’t know where I would be right now, except maybe isolated and severely depressed or perhaps not even here writing this blog. At times I am just in awe of the changes around me and within me and look forward to what is ahead. I have hope where there was none.

Sometimes we have to go through the sanding and the buffing to enjoy the beauty of a finished product. Hopefully saying, it was worth it all.

My finished product:

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