Turn The Page

How could I miss this appointment, I rehearsed yet again tonight. This is not like me. At a point of beating myself up over such a minor thing. Of course, the thought that I am losing it enters my my mind. I am old. No! I will not accept the forgetting process, as I am still pretty sharp. Maybe too much on my mind though. That settles that!

My mind wonders over the day of why I forgot this appointment, as it is not like me. The call, hearing “where are you?” and it all came back to my remembrance.

Here it is Tuesday, feels like Monday after a holiday. I usually don’t work all day on Tuesday. It is the last day of the month. My wall calendar at the office reads June already. I probably should have waited on that change. Even my personal calendar, I looked at June today. So it all makes sense. Still, I hate to miss an appointment. I did. Done.

So, as I look at all the reasons and get over the fact I forgot, I was reminded that I am to turn the page. What was is no more. New day, new time, new month. I’m ready to go forward. Let it go.

In that, it is a good thing. Moving forward. Looking over my life with just this oversight and of some things I never ever want to go through again or anyone else experience, you must turn the page.

Don’t dwell on past mistakes, missed appointments or the many disappointments in life. I remained stuck for so long, for years, I do not want to do that anymore.

There’s freedom in turning the page.

Isaiah 43:18-19 “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

Time is Running Out

Yes, I am old. Older than I thought I would ever be in life. How did this happen? Just a few years back, I was in my twenties and now, near retirement in a few years. Soon, I will be reading up more and concentrating on Medicare and all that it has for me. Time. Where did it go? It went so fast.

As I look back over my life, a lot has happened, as I am sure with you also. Then as I look over my life and go through the memories, good and bad, no wonder I am exhausted at times. I am tired. Still, I have energy to do things, just not as fast. What I miss is being able to paint a room in hours but now it takes days and weeks, I do not rush. When I painted my bedroom a few years back, which is not huge but big enough, I learned to paint and just plop my mattress on the floor. Trimming is hard on this old body and my eyes, not to forget the steadiness of my hand. Oh well, soon it gets finished, and I vow never to do it again.

I am able to do stuff, as I am push mowing our yard with a bummed knee. Once I start, I am fine but if I sit down and take a break, give me some WD40 to get this old tinman/woman back up and at ’em. I am sure my neighbors see a lot of hobbling and grimaces on my face and maybe hear me either sing or comment out loud that I want a condo, forget this lawn work. If anything will push me to sell this house, it is the yard. Hiring a young man to do the back acre lot, he is pushing my buttons. The boy can spread mulch great but his weed eating skills, not so much. It is letting go of what I can no longer do and just be at peace with the weeds around my fence line, unless I do it myself. I have done just that, pay him and gone right behind him to fix areas to my satisfaction.

So, as days are rapidly escaping my calendar, I do seem to cherish life more being with friends and family, and I make my children more aware of my love and trust in them. It is time to keep them informed of what we have financially and where necessary paperwork is for when life is no more for us. It is an interesting role reversal as this takes place, but I do not want them to be in the dark as we have been with my in-laws. We knew nothing at the time of my father-in-law’s death just a couple of months ago. There comes a time when adult children need to know what’s what and know our wishes. Although, I have most of my funeral plans written out so it should be rather easy. If my husband is still living, there is strict instructions, he is NOT to put yellow roses on my casket. While I like yellow roses, they are not my favorite but apparently, he always thought they were because that is what I got whenever I did get flowers, early in our marriage. I still think it was an old girlfriend’s favorite that got stuck in his mind. I want pink roses!

Today, as I was with my adult children going to a family wedding, we were talking about some old paintball guns that I still have of theirs, which brought back their own young days in life. I laughed as I told them that I still have them. Then, stating you all will have fun when you go through all the stuff. Organized but stored away to hopefully bring them together to talk and laugh of all the fun they had and remember their old mom in the midst.

For now, I am enjoying my adult children and it is awesome to have a relationship with them in the present. I have truly been blessed with these boys and a daughter-in-law. Maybe another daughter-in-law to follow with built-in grandchildren. Now that will be an interesting twist, but I am looking forward to spoiling them.

Life sure has been interesting. I have been blessed and even in the midst of all my blessings, I have had some hard times and times of wanting to just throw my hands up and quit. I am so glad that I did not just give up but I pushed through. The Lord has truly been my strength in my weakness. He said He would never leave me nor forsake me, and He hasn’t. My time is running out but for now I am running with what gusto that I have left within this body.

Look forward, not backward and know that even though our time is running out, we still have time to live.

Tied Up In Knots

Many years ago, while we were in the thick of the pandemic, I sent my son a wind-chime as he had the perfect place. I love wind chimes.

He had just moved into this place with a back yard that reminded me of Gatlinburg. It was in the middle of a big city but hidden. I always loved to visit and help clean up the yard or help him in the house, giving it a mother’s touch and food on the stove.

This was such a big change for him. He had never enjoyed yard work growing up, as most kids, but this place captivated him and his time, as we were all home bound. This was actually a move of God for him to be in this place at this time.

Prior, he had an apartment by himself and with his work, being able to work from home, he was isolated from people. He is a people person. Work was demanding and placed him alone in this apartment for hours at a time, getting overwhelmed and I knew depression was grabbing hold. He is a lot like me so I recognized what was happening. I have written about him several times in my blog here. The Lord has a calling on his life, he knows it. Sometimes, running away from such seems like it will work but it won’t. I have been there, too. You can run but can’t hide.

This big house and yard came available and two roommates joined him and it was perfect for all three. Again, a God thing. I feel if it had not taken place, especially with the stay at home ruling, I may not have a son right now. Depression sucks life from you.

I am proud of him to move forward but also seek help from a doctor. It’s okay to take anti-depressants, if just for a bit to get through whatever. Some may feel that is a lack of faith and place that condemnation on you but it is not their journey and none of their business. Take care of you.

The wind chime arrived and soon was hung up in the tree making the sounds that some love or hate. He was not so sure at first and him and a roommate had to put a cord around them, to stop ringing. We laughed over this but soon they enjoyed the sounds and how pretty it was in the backyard.

Things happen and another move to a smaller, better house and by now the ban from leaving home and restrictions were lifted. This house had no real place to hang the wind chime. A little tree in front had to do so it would not get tangled. It is a long wind chime, perfect for the other yard.

Time went by and it remained and ringing but either wind or the neighbors twisted it up and now it was jumbled up and not pretty looking or sounding. He threw it in the shed. I was saddened but understood.

Recently, he was coming home. I have a great yard and trees so I told him to bring to me and I’ll use and enjoy once I get it back to it’s purpose, so he did.

Oh my! It was a mess. I had no idea of how this would ever be put back together. As I watched television one night, I thought I would tinker with it, one tube under, another one over and continued.

It was overwhelming. I would work on it and put it down and try another night. A couple of times I was tempted just to pitch. Not worth my time. Looking at it though, the tubes were pretty, the string was strong but it was tied up so bad. I just wanted to give up.

Isn’t that just like life? There are things we need to do and conquer but it is too hard. Thinking there is no way it can happen. Hopelessness enters our minds and we stop.

I laid this out on the floor, which was for a good week. Each night I would move tubes under and over and I started to make headway. I’d get frustrated and stop. I knew I had to keep going and finish. I have come too far to end. Again, life experiences we deal with.

I finally got the tubes and string in order. What a fantastic feeling to conquer. While I still have to hang the tubes correctly, I will attempt. I will also go through the frustration and hopelessness of it not being right. Still, I will move forward. Soon, it will be hanging in my tree and I will enjoy knowing its history and the pain to get there.

Again, life. We have to keep moving forward and not give up. Many trials and misfortunes may come but soon if we don’t give up, there’s joy and a pride within ourselves that we made it through.

This hopefully will be something that will strengthen you or my son’s ability to keep moving forward whenever times get tied up in knots and it seems there is no way out and feeling like throwing our hands up in defeat. A story his mom has written, understanding him and how each one of us struggle at times. Life experiences. Life happens.

Don’t give up.

It all falls together