There are moments in life that happen, whether expected or unexpected, and your physical body and emotions cannot carry anymore. You need a break, you need rest.
These moments of time spent and caring for yourself to take time to withdraw, makes the mental toll on one also. Now there are the lies we hear within that we are lazy.
Years, I let that lie heap upon me due to my situation. It was not until I told my counselor years ago, and she gave me the gift of knowing it was okay to nap, to rest. I was exhausted from it all. Again, a free gift that meant the world to me, as it lifted a load off of me and gave me a freedom.
Now, as a new chapter emerges in my life and family situation, I have had to endure my time with one that drained me before. While I can limit my time and understand that I can leave, it helps. I have noticed though, within me, that the day after of spending any amount of time with this one, I am exhausted yet again. It is like I need to recharge until the next expected time I need to be present.
This is such a draining on me and so pattern-like that I want no more. Reminding myself… Just a little bit longer, as I am almost at the finish line.
Then I can walk away. You drain me.
There are times in life, we are uncertain of many given moments, but we hold on even when we feel weak and hopeless. I have had my share of ups and downs, as I am sure you can nod your head in agreement.
We fall and fail but we get back up and try again. Life happens. Forgiveness and unforgiveness is a battle at times until we realize forgiveness is best in order to move forward. So much in life is learning of our true self.
Where we are weak and where we are strong, we learn sometimes the hard ways. A balance of our daily walk, holding our head up when possibly feeling down. We each struggle at times. Thankfully, we have joy many times.
Through it all, it is knowing the One who holds your hand, knows all about you, the good and the bad but still loves you. He sees you.
As I pondered my day and listened to someone sharing God’s Love, then praying, I just lifted my hands high and as I looked up at them, it was like a funnel. Saying, Oh Lord let Your Love funnel into me. I need you more today than I needed yesterday.
Maybe this was or is just for me but maybe you reading this, you also need His Love to funnel into you. He’s there and He sees you.
Everything runs like clockwork and then it all goes haywire.
Many do not like changes and I am definitely one. It’s not that I am like that in all areas but in certain ones, I am. It throws me for a loop.
It seems like everything in the world has been tossed. Perhaps this has caused many of the changes. It is not always a bad thing.
I realized that this one office I have gone to for over a year, her process and routine has changed. New office worker where there was none. Less time with the practitioner. An uneasiness but I thought I was dealing with it all when I realized I am not. Less appointments and no desire to go. I do have an upcoming appointment, which will help me know what I plan to do.
The last six months, there have been changes at work. I adapted and handling but not without struggle. I had everything running like a well -oiled machine after fourteen years.
I’m too old for change. I thought I was too old for temper tantrums. The rebelliousness within me often hit the wall with disapproval. I wanted to quit.
As I felt I managed and on my way to keep things running smoothly, today I find we have more changes. If these tasks did not end on my lap, I could probably brush it off. I again am hitting the wall.
I have three years until retirement. I don’t know if I can make it was my thought today. The willingness to throw up my hands and forget it all was a very strong thought and desire. Maybe I will find another job. I love my job, except for the changes. Leave well enough alone. Will tomorrow be a better day to cope and tackle this task? Time will tell.
Changes do change me. I see my weak spots in my life, which can discourage me for a bit, but I also see that I am well capable of solving and making our office maintain its efficiency.
Time will definitely tell. Wish me luck!