The Year That Wasn’t

I don’t know about you but the possibility to erasing this year all together would be okay with me. Let’s have a re-do. Let’s start all over.

The year 2020 did start out so well and everything and everyone was geared for a 20/20 vision, a year toward bright days ahead. Instead, we were all hit and blindsided by Covid19. The vision became poor and our mouths are covered with masks. Bound by rules that changed daily with confusion and chaos. Do we or don’t we wear a mask? Looks like we do and have to with the mandates. Fine, just stop the confusion.

So many lives, if not all and all around the world have been touched in some way, more worse than others. If that has been your case, I am sorry.

Now that we are at the end of October, holidays are gearing up and the excitement, planning menus, decorating, family and friends coming together, gift buying and all the things that make this the most wonderful time of the year. Now what? Do we actually do all of those things?

I think I have already heard one Governor say that his family will not gather at Thanksgiving. I felt as though that was a plea for us all to follow. Again chaos and wondering what is the right thing to do. How are we really to plan for such with purchasing food, the ingredients to make those favorite, yummy desserts, etc. I normally have around ten to fifteen in my house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have no clue what to do or to expect.

Is it safe to do so? We are all from different places and some areas or is just one of our family/friends carriers of this virus. Hey, I am the oldest and probably the most at risk due to my immune system. Although none of us are exempt, no matter what age. Now it comes down to, we cannot see clearly, our nose and mouths are covered, we need distancing and gatherings are frowned upon. People need people. I don’t like fear and all this has caused enough fear this year. In this, we need wisdom, too. What to do.

I miss my children. As in a previous blog, The Bubble, I mentioned the distance and no hug. I have not seen my youngest since July 4th and even then, the hesitancy was prevalent. Even before, no Easter gathering at all. Now what? I don’t know what, honestly. What are your plans? If you meet, do you plan to also wear a mask in your house? Do you want your family to come for Thanksgiving?

My children, I want to hug so bad and I would take a risk of me getting sick in that, but I must consider them. Is it selfish to want this closeness? I don’t think so, it is just a mother’s heart that wants them to know of my love, feel my embrace but also feel my assurance we will get through this. If I have been fearful and concerned, no doubt they have also. I bet you have been, too, at times. Even though they are older, they are and always will be my sweet boys. Faith over Fear… although at times we trample through the fear or trip to regain the faith.

As we also begin the Christmas season, buying gifts. I have not been around our children, in my case, to know and hear about their lives. Usually, I can pick up on clues of what they might want or definitely need. To celebrate the birthday of my son and daughter-in-law this year, I bought them a storm door and had it installed. No dinner, no cake, no fun time laughing and sharing. How sad. The door looks nice though and they love it. I really don’t know what to expect or even do for Christmas. Do I even put up a Christmas tree if we do not plan to gather? To go out and shop is one of the joys of seeing the pretty lights glisten everywhere we look, feel the crisp air that will not fully hit our face due to the mask worn, this is all questionable. Online shopping is great but just not the same. Here we are now excited to see the Amazon Prime truck come up the street, happy and thinking, it’s here.

First we need to get past what is directly in front of us, even before the holidays. The unrest around us and with it being an election year of a President, no matter which one wins the position, one side or the other will not be happy. Chaos and hatred will follow. Lord help us all.

Growing up, no doubt you had heard the saying or even your mom say, ‘I am going to slap you into next year.’ Since March, I have thought that and while it is somewhat funny, I just want this over. (Actually, it is not so funny if the word ‘slap’ can be a trigger for some (and me) and if so, I am sorry as I do understand.) The quote though, as much as I want to believe it will all be over, like a light switch turned off, I don’t think it will be. It might even be worse before it gets better. This will be a wait and see in the days and months ahead. Lots of prayers.

Soon we will end the year 2020. The year that wasn’t enjoyable but at times full of misery, void of many things we take for granted. A grieving period for those that have lost loved ones and for those of us that did not get to see our loved ones. Let’s get this year over, which wasn’t a good one, and hope and pray for the New Year of 2021 to be somewhat better. Let’s have FAITH for just that.

I don’t know about tomorrow. I just live from day to day.
I don’t borrow from its sunshine, For its skies may turn to gray.
I don’t worry o’er the future, For I know what Jesus said. And today he walks beside me, For he knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow
I don’t seem to understand. But I know who holds tomorrow. And I know who holds my hand.

It’s Not About the Leaf

Fall is probably my favorite season. The beauty all around with leaves changing colors on various trees with the different shades. As I was driving to work the other day, there was this one tree, it was so bright and bursting with red and yellow leaves. I was so in awe that I remember saying that it was the prettiest tree ever. Further down the road almost to work, I look over and see another tree and I say again, that is the prettiest tree ever. I laughed at myself because of this pattern that would, of course, continue. Trees are wonderful to admire and get lost in not only the beauty but pleasant thoughts that provide a break of tasks ahead or problems or issues in our lives.

My husband dislikes leaves on the grass. One tree is always late losing its leaves and I swear, he’d be happy to shake the daylights out of it to finish and be done before winter. Maybe it is me that needs to shake it (or him), to stop listening to his moans of frustration.

I found myself yesterday when arriving home from work, looking over and staring at our neighbors’s maple tree. The golden orange was so vivid as the sun was on the tree and the leaves on the ground, like a reflection. Just so pretty. Knowing full well that all these pretty leaves will need to be raked and bagged. It’s a chore but it’s a fun chore.

Growing up in the house we live in, our one-acre lot behind us is plentiful with trees, which brings a lot of leaves. My favorite memory of the back yard is when it was completely covered with the golden yellow leaves, as in our neighbor’s yard. I like to enjoy this sight for at least a few days, looking out of my kitchen window, but it never happens nowadays. I am so glad I took in that sight to remember when I did, years ago.

The leaves also tend to make it inside the house, tracked in on the shoes or perhaps fly in when the door is open. A leaf here a leaf there, no problem. It is when this leaf is just overlooked and just sits there. He has no thought of picking it up and throw outside or in the garbage. Now I am starting to dislike the leaves, as I pick it up and throw out, only to repeat often. Frustration begins to be felt within me wondering why he cannot wipe his shoes or if tracked in the house, to pick up the leaf (leaves) and do the same as me. How is this so hard? The old saying, ‘were you raised in a barn’ comes to mind.

The funny thing is, as I am babbling on with my counselor the other day of my frustration over this silly leaf and of my situation at home between him and I, she smiles and states, ‘it is not about the leaf.’ We both laughed, as she was so correct. In that moment, a blog was born.

He is a happy man with himself and not a care in the world. No desire to change but continue the same routine day after day, year after year. I will yet again hear about the tree losing its leaves late. I will continue to see green grass while I admire my neighbor’s yard with the bright leaves. Yes, it is a good thing to mulch them but just let me enjoy the beauty for a few days.

I will again and again pick up a leaf here and there in my house that was tracked in and ignored. It is not about the leaf but only my frustration with him. Let it go! It’s a losing battle.