The past few days, the weather has been nice, but still a chill in the air. I love it. Anything between 60 and 80 degrees is my kind of weather.
In my going in and out, I have grabbed my now old walking jacket. It is a nice windbreaker type jacket, shimmery beige with a hint of yellow in color and when newer, a golden touch to the cuffs and collar. So pretty. It’s worn out now but still a good jacket, and I just wanted to wear it to work. So I did.
The left sleeve is really worn so I keep my hand in my pocket if near someone. As I was leaving work, I looked at it walking down the hall, remembering when I bought it.
Our boys were young, maybe preteen, and we all stopped at an outlet mall. While they were at the toy store, I wandered over to the women’s clothing store. I saw this jacket. It was $49.99, I believe. I tried it on and loved it. I debated on and off about the cost. Back then, that was a lot of money for a jacket, or really anything.
Having growing boys and expenses with school and sports, not to mention food to feed two hungry boys and whomever else that was at the house, I decided not to buy the jacket.
I loved it though, the color, style and length. Everything.
We all had a great day together and anxious to get home.
No matter what the days held for us, that jacket was on the back of my mind. I really loved to have owned it. Oftentimes brushing off the desire to have but with the cost but also a deep down feeling it was too nice for me.
It was that thought right there that changed the whole direction of the purchase. This mom can have something nice. I am worthy of such an item. I had forgotten who I was in life.
In doing and giving for others at home, work, church, volunteering, etc., and sometimes falling into a pit of exhaustion, the feeling of unworthiness rears its ugly head. Something changed within me. So, the following weekend, we drove forty-five minutes to go back for the jacket. Hoping and praying that it was still on the clothing rack for me.
No regrets! That pretty jacket back then has been my go-to so many times. It still looks good after fifteen plus years but showing wear and tear, but I still love it.
It is just a gentle reminder as I wear it or see it hanging, the thoughts and feelings that it holds. Understanding that I am worthy to wear it.
I was and am worthy.
God does give us the desires of our heart.
The purchase back then did not put us in bankruptcy. If anything, it added to my joy and confidence in wearing. Even today.
So with the tattered sleeves, I may slip my hands in my pockets to hide, but I know the full story of how this old jacket covered me through many storms in life walking forward knowing full well…
God knows my name.
God knows exactly where I am.
Just Pondering... 