Give Me Your Pen

For whatever reason, I guess after discussing with my present counselor last week because I am coming up on my one-year anniversary from my former counselor, I am still grieving.  While I am blessed to have my present counselors, I sure miss my former one of four years. Still, I am moving forward and as they say, life goes on.

Being one that has dealt with feelings of abandonment throughout my life and understanding that fact in those four years, I recognized things about myself. Those moments of I do this or I do that, all of which were coping mechanisms I managed to use and still as an older adult, they appear.  I never knew the effects of such until then so the last five years I have been getting to know myself, the good, bad and ugly and understanding the whys in life.

It has been almost a year since a session with former counselor, as I stated. When meeting regularly, weekly sessions usually, I found myself in a panic and feeling the abandonment before she would go on vacation. I thought a week or God forbid, fourteen days were forever. The anxiousness and CDCC0BB6-758F-4B2E-8CE1-CD64A17BF769unsettledness was ever-so present. I counted down the days until her return.  To help me and I shared with her, I installed a timer app on my phone, I still use it.  My coping mechanism, as it keeps track so my mind can be somewhat at ease of not counting.  With this, I can just look at the time, acknowledge my thoughts and feelings, cry if I need to and move forward.  Technology in this sense shows me I made it, some days were rough and have been, but I was and I am moving forward. It’s what works for you to bring calmness.

We discussed this matter many times before and after vacation periods. Many times, and being one dealing with abandonment, a physical item such as a pen is helpful to hold onto. There were times, I wanted to ask her to give me her pen. A2807F53-426E-47CF-A4CC-F3A6A79D58A3The pen she holds that just made notes about me in her file because of the connection between us.

While that pen was an inanimate item, it would have given me a part of her to hold onto.  I would give it back upon her return.  I would be keeping her pen safe with me and I felt safe, as she was still with me.  Abandonment sucks. 9B2A83DB-B250-48D0-AD89-CDFD39EC7C32How sad it is to consider that a little girl, now older woman still clings to such. What happened in that little girl’s life to hold on for dear life to such objects? Maybe one day, when the Lord feels the time is right, I will know exactly why and mostly, what happened to cause such a deep root to still rear its ugly head.  Abandonment in love, emotional neglect was definitely evident.

As crazy as this is, it is somewhat normal, especially one with abandonment in their past.  This was part of my coping mechanism then and still.  Just as in this pen, it is a bonding between us and serves as a way to calm the anxiety within me, just meaning she is still with me.  It’s a transitional object, such as a security blanket for a young child.

As I researched, the weighted blanket that many use nowadays, it calms the anxiety within.  Not saying it is due to abandonment but anxiety can disrupt life.  Anxiety sucks, too!

Whether it be an inanimate object, timer on my phone, a ACDE0AED-5710-49AF-BE61-507DFC2DD64Fphoto, these were typical of me through life and sadly still.  I know the three hundred and sixty-fifth day is approaching since our last session.  My grieving is present still, I acknowledge that.  Will I see her again for a session? No. It is just my coping skill to get through the loss, sadness and hopefully healing as I see this pattern and know I have made it and I will make it.

My time with her was definitely orchestrated by God in those four years. Many times her wisdom and expertise in her field along with her sweet and caring nature and at times stern comments, I grew and will always be thankful.  The Lord knew I needed her as my life became very hopeless in past situations for years, she was my lifeline. Understanding of the past and present became real to me so I can look forward to the future.  88A1B105-FCFA-40D6-855E-87E449118E91

There was a bonding between us.  I can acknowledge, as I did when in session before or after her plans for a leave on vacation that there was a panic within me that happens, which is abandonment.  I did not take her pen but I wanted to each time, or some object.  I survived even though anxiety was apparent.

Today, I can also acknowledge that abandonment became real when she left her counseling position abruptly.  Not only discussing it but also experiencing it by her.  A real life sink or swim moment came into effect dealing with the emotions, thoughts and even anger.  Most importantly, I am still thankful of our time together.

FA259C47-230E-4B65-B0DD-940CC9A03161If you have dealt with loss and lack of love in childhood or as an adult, you will understand me.  It’s real.  It’s real hard, too.  Through it, you have to learn to care for yourself, re-parent yourself, get in touch with your inner child and just love and appreciate yourself.  Do I have all that together?  No, but I do know now what I am dealing with and what I lacked and taking one day at a time.

I am worth it and above all else, I have had to fully trust the Lord moreso, as He loves ME and He will never leave me.

You are worth it and I pray that you put your whole trust in the Lord, as He loves YOU and He will not leave you either.

69A44519-B8CC-425E-B67E-E6D1B7A1F0E6

Intimacy (Not What You Think)

Oh, I bet that title got your attention.  It would me although I’d be somewhat leery of this writing being pornographic. Don’t worry, not here.C9F175FD-041C-4A3C-A9D6-5E28B0E061F2

I never threw that word around in my life knowing in my mind what I thought it meant, we’ll sort of. Intimacy = Sex.  I thought that and probably many think it just means being sexual between a couple.  I never gave it much thought.

Why did it take me so long to grasp that it was also a close relationship between two people in just their conversations and getting to know one another perhaps? B1DD3A33-78D6-40BE-B35B-CC0EF4DE3826Because it happens. To realize it covers a lot, more than sex, I felt somewhat ignorant to learn, just a year or so ago, the difference. It is a deeper connection, which is so nice.

So many times in my writings, I do mention my former counselor.  How can I not mention her?  She was a part of my life for four years on a weekly basis, if not twice a week, at times. This lady knew me better than anybody, besides God. Always will she be in my life, maybe not 621C63FE-8258-4C42-9AAE-07C173EEC19Ephysically, but in my testimony and how I relate to areas in my life that have been issues that I have overcome or I am still working on. Many lightbulb moments came about in those sessions, while deep and dark secrets, fears and sad and happy life moments were exposed and discussed. Definitely I was enlightened to life… past, present and future.

It was toward the end of our sessions together, before she resigned from her practice, that she said in one of our sessions and that was, we had an intimate relationship.  I remember just looking at her, thinking, ‘say what?’  It threw me off and made me wonder what does she mean by that. I have never had that said to me before. Actually, I never had someone care to know me as she did, trying to understand me.

Of course, I Google everything and research until I get what answer I am looking for and feel settled in that quest.  Sure enough, we did have an intimate relationship.  Again, a lightbulb moment.  I learned something new, which is always neat.

Who do you have an intimate relationship with, one that wants to knows you, your fears, your goals?

5EE8E9E9-B9D5-4083-8F9A-7E4F35EE35CCLet’s not forget God, our relationship with Him.  Intimacy with God. 15B0C5DC-8C9C-4582-8122-5411B72A921D

We all have intimate relationships with many around us.  We all need those close connections, at times.   Although knowing what we talked about within her four walls through the years, for the first time in life I felt heard, understood and cared about, I understood her comment.4BB561D0-8720-4E56-BE64-44501EBB811F

Just that, brings healing to a troubled soul dealing with life’s questions and uncertainties that nobody really cared to know.  I am so thankful for that intimate relationship, as I am healing in many ways, allowing the Lord to touch my heart where it had been broken and now to move forward in life.

071A445A-AFA3-44F0-B4D9-8C9FEF7A63E3If only she would read my writings to be encouraged herself of how she affected my life.  I truly have been blessed and feel this last part of my life will be the best.3048A824-3B05-4447-B6F0-6FAEF9E37FBB

Deep Roots

The roots of abandonment can go far and be buried in the depths of your soul, well mine anyway.  While I know I am not alone, as I have read too much of others confessing the same.  It just makes you feel alone, that nobody cares and the sadness can swallow one up in a gulp.

Today was no exception.  I opened up an area that I just tend to scrape the surface but that scab fell off and I was in pain from the triggered effect.  Oh my God, how much more do I need to deal with this pain in my life?  Will it ever go away?  Have I been pushing down all the emotions still, all along?  Honestly, I know that answer.  I do.  It has been a lifelong trait that I fall into easier.

2DE93CB1-8FB6-4F42-86F4-AB6AB485AC70The movie, Something’s Gotta Give, with Diane Keaton (Erica) and  Jack Nicholson, a cute romantic movie where she is a writer and finds herself emotional while writing her best book and movie ever, came to mind.   It was Erica’s wailing and screaming while tossing typing paper from the typewriter and the used tissues from the tissue box to sometimes hit the garbage can as creativity was overtaking her.  I tend to relate to this scene each time I see the movie.

So many times, I would love to retreat and do the same, to allow my creativity to flow.  My life experiences in snippets only show up here through my own emotional battles.

Recognizing my emotions and naming the loss and sadness that I was feeling was the easy part.  Years ago, I did not know to do that so I have advanced in this turmoil, thanks to my counselor.  It is how to move forward and heal from it, I find hard.  So like Erica, I can wail, scream through my distress while FBF67FD9-262C-42D1-A50A-427B3497558Cwiping the tears as they flow.  That’s while although being alone in my office, I can let go somewhat.    Thank goodness, I have dark, tinted windows as I was an emotional mess while driving home safely.

Praying, Lord I need you to love me through this loss, this pain.ACEB5344-6FB1-417B-A354-0FAA1BF3D956

Knowing, too, I was tired from a long weekend and then a long day at work.  I needed a nap, which I took.  It is self-care to do such and we all need that, too.  It is not always laziness but to recharge what is depleted and my emotional tank was running on empty.

A2DCEFD4-F915-4E93-9CD3-96904D7E38CFGive yourself grace through these times, if you experience.  We can all be triggered in areas that have been a touchy area in our lives.  It is recognizing and feeling the pain to get through for further healing.  Don’t push it down and ignore because of the pain.  Preaching to myself, right here.  Even though this afternoon was rough, I am moving forward.  The struggle did not last as long even though it felt like it.  With that, I remembered my former counselor saying that to me, that it did not last as long.  My thoughts were, if you say so lady, although I knew she was right.  It’s not easy to go through the pain but worth it.  We’ve got this!  One day at a time.

DBADE81B-0B3A-4072-9A94-3F1D3DEDC736

 

 

Homeless Little Girl

While getting ready to be picked up by some friends recently to attend a popular musical in a nearby city, many thoughts kept coming to mind that I haven’t thought of since I was a child. At least this much thought.

I do not give myself such luxuries to attend these types of events often enough. One, because they are too expensive and I am not too terribly fond of musicals. Perhaps for this very reason I am writing that I am not a fan. This one had a meaning, as my son was in the orchestra pit so you bet I would pay and make myself available to be with others to enjoy. Slowly crawling out of my shell, too.

Since it has been years, like I said, I was a young child and I might have been ten, if not a bit older but not by much. There was this girl at the other end of our small, country town and we were becoming friends, hanging out, as we talked on the telephone like most girls do, which was all nice. While I liked her friendship, I knew she was more outgoing and just better than me. I have always thought everyone was better than me, a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem.

0941A85F-F0C1-4B8A-B855-1CD52ED17D18It was when Jen called me at home one evening. As a typical young girl, I played outside, did not dress up much and spent just an ordinary day at home, most days and weekends. Her call was to ask me if I wanted to go with her, her mother and maybe another person to a play, a musical or something fancy. Knowing and thinking that I may never have this opportunity again, I agreed and thought it would be fun. Of course, with that agreement, I had to be ready within minutes. Sure, I am ready, I said. Now, I had no idea what or where we were going, just with my friend. I felt special knowing I was asked to go. I felt special and important.

It was when they arrived to pick me up and my friend, younger than me by a year, walked through the door with her mother. I remember the exact place I was standing, looking at them, probably thinking oh my. I’m sure my mom and others in the living room were thinking, what the hell. While I do not remember what the mom had on, I do remember my younger friend looking like an adult. All dressed up, 14C7F979-C6D1-454A-B751-78D4DD1A1062wearing her mother’s mink stole and makeup. They were both classy looking. Here I am, probably greasy hair somewhat, in my normal clothes from the day. Remember, I only had five minutes to be ready. Not knowing what to expect, definitely not this night or what followed.

I do remember my mom asking me if I really wanted to go. I know now that was to protect me from being hurt due to the way they were dressed and the homely look I 8cb1ff75-fa04-467a-aec4-0c7793a42308-43917-00000876b968150aportrayed compared to them. At that time, I did not give much thought to this, although I remember the shock when they walked through the door beaming, but I made a commitment to go so off we went. No doubt my mom was concerned, but I did not know how to say no and to go somewhere was a luxury.

As I gave thought to this fancy outing with my friend dressed to the nines and here I stand with them in the lobby area of the event feeling very insecure, as I see people stare at me. To them and those around, I did look homeless and I am sure I was an embarrassment to them, sorry they even asked me.9EF4F1E2-2795-4293-890E-F52792B130A8

As I got ready to go to the musical for my son, I felt a little apprehensive about what to wear, which brought up all of these memories. Dealing with excitement to go but the torment from the past. I was dressed nice, my Sunday best somewhat, but I caught myself scanning those that picked me up and others in attendance around me. Fear. I found I was dressed appropriately although I was overdressed probably to some. Anything goes nowadays, anywhere but not so much back in my day.

0e3b2b0e-2c25-422e-a280-f8ab576f69be-10228-0000025b43f0b48bInteresting how my morning getting ready to go dealt with the night almost fifty years ago. I felt as though the Lord was revealing some hidden hurts that need attention and healing. No doubt, enough to make my head swim.

So many thoughts took me back, as a lot of negative roots in my feelings of myself and even others grew from that night. I remember them all dressed up and we are standing in the foyer area to enter for seating.  It was like I was frozen watching others look at me and then those I was with.   Strangely enough, I do not remember anything else from that night. I was there physically but nothing more.

d0033ac5-e020-490d-a057-24f0c1a90c7c-43917-00000875474bb142I wonder if I disassociated myself during that outing and have allowed that to happen throughout my life, at times, when hurt or placed in predicaments where I was uncomfortable. I felt anger from these thoughts of that night. As I thought of this event and that this so-called friend used me because probably because a classier friend could not go or maybe others and I was was the last one on her list. Last resort is what I felt like. To still remember seeing myself standing there feeling like dirt, perhaps that is why all my life I have felt I never measured up. Interesting how such things affect us throughout life. I freeze in fear and other issues. How sad that such an event that should have been a big deal and enjoyable but it caused some major issues for me that I have kept buried.

No surprise, our friendship did not last. Even though I never discussed this back then with anyone or since, it all affected me. Here almost fifty years later, I am remembering and writing about it and acknowledging the moments. I understand a little more about me, which brings more healing. That in itself, I will accept and move forward.

In fact, my fourth grade timeframe has been zapped from my memory and I never could understand, as I have mentioned to my counselors. No doubt, I bet this event lines up, as I was swallowed up with shame.834FBE85-E9B9-42FC-A0FF-56650D179ABA

Feeling used and ‘used’ might not be the word I am searching for but I do know how hurtful it was and to feel like a no-good human being due to looks, clothing, etc., can be devastating. This whole scenario was wrong in so many ways.

I hope and pray that from this point on, remembering and analyzing the dynamics of this classy musical or whatever it was that was fancy enough for them to wear mink and to appear more than what they were, I hope I never put on an air to be something I am not and make someone feel so worthless. Also, to cause some hidden hurts that I have carried due to this situation but I must forgive them, too. My friend’s mother passed away many years ago and sadly my friend, too, just years later.

I have no doubt that the Lord saw me then and knew I would be at this place now. He has carried me way too many times in my life of hurts. How awesome! 💕

ef61278e-7243-43c1-b219-f0a873ae7d84-43917-0000088aee6e9cbc

Lonely Child

It absolutely drives me crazy that I continue on this path in life and I want it to STOP.  Emotional exhaustion.2B8A306D-EEC3-451C-B4E5-72356F719629

All my life, I have been focused on others, usually a mother figure, and knew that it was because my mother and I were not close.  Mom was mom, I knew I was her daughter but no love expressed or shown, only one hug in my life that I remember.  Sad, so sad.

I would always connect well with older adults, men or women, as I welcomed their advice and direction. It’s with those that showed me care and concern though, the motherly women figures, I became attached.  I want more of their time, their advice and above all the care they gave me, the hugs.   This pattern continued over and over until time passed or I was hurt by something in the relationship and my view of them became disillusioned.

B3A64380-6F30-4C99-AA61-18391435F291Realizing the same thing did exist and still of my former counselor.  Transference.  According to what I have read, transference is typical and actually normal as it causes the client to relate with the counselor, as there is a trust that is built, which is what is needed in a therapeutic environment.  I get that but did not want this to happen yet again but it did.  

21322BA5-94BB-47E4-A4E2-DD75EBACAA0DThankfully, before she left her practice, we discussed my pattern in life many times and how this affected me.  I am unsure with her leaving, if she realized that I would struggle as much as I have.  I do.  Probably so, as she knew me quite well.  I really get tired of this and thoughts that continue though.  Nothing bad, nothing sexual but thoughts of I wish I could talk to her as I am unsure about this or that, questioning if she even thinks of me or remembers me now, hope I run into her, etc.  Make it stop.  Make this pattern stop.  Frustration of this seems to be a daily task, feeling the loss of an emotional attachment, the grief that is felt but more-so the abandonment yet again in my life, feeling lost in the I need you, I don’t know what to do, etc.  Normal.  Being a child not receiving the care and concern, this pattern exists, like it or not.

Tonight as I did some research and found some links, I was amazed that I am not alone.  This is way normal for many.  Go figure. Here I thought something was wrong with me and that, too, is a normal response to this pattern.  What is wrong with me, besides of feeling somewhat obsessed is the fact I did not get the love I needed as a young child and this enabled coping skills for me by seeking out those that will care and love me.

534C191C-A93A-4F2B-AB29-D73862F42095These websites gave some tips on how to stop this, usually in a girlfriend/boyfriend situation but can be interchanged also.  The link below is a post from Obsessed with the counselor’s reply.  Obsessed could be me writing this and I had to actually question if it was me but the date it was written was too early in our counseling together.  I understood Obsessed.

Also recommended that further thought be made as to when this all started in youth and examine this pattern. Acknowledge this and to not ignore the thoughts and feelings.  To be and feel the attachment and have the fear of abandonment is rooted here besides childhood emotional neglect that I have mentioned before in my writings.  I get that but finding that root has been exasperating but I am determined to be healed in this area.  I’m tired.

Life is interesting.  It’s hard at times.  I have learned through this and other areas within counseling and research that knowing I am not alone, healing begins and I adapt better.

Just knowing I am not alone.  It’s like a gift.

This is an area that in between counseling sessions, it is our due diligence to do further research to help ourselves.  Counseling sessions end after fifty minutes or so but can continue if you desire.

Learning more on transference and reading of others experiencing the same tonight, this was on my timetable and free plus nice to know I am normal.  Normal due to my situation.  Adult problems are childhood issues.

While I miss her as my counselor of four years, I probably will continue to think of her but maybe now not as much and have input how to help me overcome this pattern.  I know this is an area I have dealt with most of my life so I will struggle at times, with God’s Grace I will get through this.  No matter, I wish and pray the best for her.  I was blessed to have had her in my life and she will always be a part of my testimony.  Many times, I wish she would read my writings as she brought me to this point.  Although I hurt emotionally at times, I am not in the pit of hopelessness I was four years ago walking through her door.

My hope one day is that I can stand on a platform telling my testimony of emotional healing and God’s Grace upon my life through troubles and trials with her joining me to my right, holding her hand up in appreciation and praise to God.  God knows the desires of my heart and maybe one day this will come to pass.  I have hope.

AAA096F8-BE18-4E89-8CBE-1D65B2AE5E6E

Most important is that only the Lord can fill the void within us with His Love.  ❤️

 

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dear-gt/help-i-cant-stop-thinking-about-my-therapist

 

Talk Therapy

E6E1AFF8-2975-4BC1-A816-7D9FB63713F2Oh how I miss my former counselor but feel blessed with my present ones.  They are all so different with their techniques and process of therapy. I know at this time in life, this is were and what I am to do. I’m just unsure where it all will lead.  One day (session) at a time.  It seems we just talk, or I talk.  Just that is a growth in me though because years ago I normally would not talk much in sessions but listen, grasp the words from her while understanding my past and present, glancing into the future.  It was as if she turned a light on for me.  In looking at and organizing my storage box of four years recently of my notes and of my own research done, we covered a lot of trauma, abuse and emotional baggage.  Not easy.  Being aware and becoming enlightened, brought life to my spirit, soul and body.

E9F4DB66-DDBC-42E9-BE3E-23F237FB8225Seeing this photo yesterday on a post (info noted below), it is so me whether words were spoken or just my many thoughts tossing around in my mind, I was everywhere.  This is a great post and page to follow on Facebook. Hope you enjoy. Thank God for counselors and in my case, Christian counselors.

Perhaps if you are in a place that needs direction, consider making an appointment with a counselor.  The stigma of counseling is still a major negative with so many but it is your life to make that final decision and not care what others (family or friends), the church, etc., think or say.   I know I am a better person today and happier.  God is still and always will be my focus.  I was just at a place I needed someone to see me, hear me, and understand me.  Just that brings healing to a wounded heart and mind.  Life happens!

4305C053-1C2E-477E-A0C6-3F21D27FBD68

I feel He opened doors for me to have my specific counselors. That’s God!  Honestly, I don’t know if I would be here right now otherwise as all hope and desire to live was pretty low many years ago.  So, I have come a long way and by the Grace of God.

He knows my name (your name) and He knows where I was/I am (you are).  Trust Him.

8571872E-63A2-4FCE-9BC3-8455241DDB9DWith my former counselor of four years, and this may sound selfish, but I really feel He prepared her with all the education required, training, etc., just for me.  He knew I would need her.  I did!

Hopefully, my writing will encourage you if discouraged and push you toward finding a counselor.  This is part of self-care and needed, not selfish as you are worthy.  Do this for you.

Or perhaps express my appreciation of those in this field as a counselor/therapist helping others.  Thank You!  This field is not one to take lightly.  A small fortune to go through the years of education, training, internships, continuing education, building your business, etc.  Let’s not forget the emotional toil it takes to listen to person after person of heartbreaking, life situations that brought them to through your door.  Your own self-care is needed and required.

As you can tell, I support counseling.B4B00A52-0CB6-4198-B075-42DFD60F6C85

“I don’t know…I’m rambling.”
“Sorry, I’m all over the place today.”
“Does any of this make sense?”
I often hear these types of statements from my clients.

E9F4DB66-DDBC-42E9-BE3E-23F237FB8225I love this image because it accurately shows my process as a therapist. As a client speaks, I listen and categorize and organize what is said with the information that I already know about them, or for new clients, things that I am getting to know about them.  I’m rarely “lost” or overwhelmed with information, and any new information that doesn’t fit into an existing ball starts a new one.

▪️Credit to Re-New Psychological Services, LLC

 

Dangling

B3FB919E-FF34-41CA-8ACC-E34E35CBA3CEJust sharing my life and present situation, as I try to adjust from one counselor of four years to another. I have to remember and remind myself that they are not the same.

I find it funny now that I often got irritated with my former counselor if the previous week’s session was not touched upon again. Let’s pick up where we left off at please, as I was still dealing with the thoughts and issues from the previous week. Most of the time, we did or she realized and understood the chaos it caused me, if not. Other times, we would cover many areas and panic came as I held up my hand, fingers hanging down and moving; she knew and understood when I felt I was dangling. No doubt she found me irritating but she hung in there with me. Too many issues in front of me to deal with and the chaos would come to the forefront. Stop the dangling!A7F0E4A9-8DE5-4D12-9C04-A0ACA8464D8B

Now, as I am with a new counselor, rarely do we pick up from the previous week’s session. With that, I had to ask her some questions recently. Although, I knew her ways were and will be different, I get it. I have grown through this transition although it has not been easy but I am not going to remain stuck.

So what if we don’t pick up on last week’s topic. Part of me is even shocked with that comment although I/we carry on. Asking questions of the counselor helped me get a better understanding of her, how she manages my records, etc. That’s just me. I have to have order somewhere in my mind but coming to the final conclusion, she is there to help me and I know my records are secure. Let’s move on.

D9046ADA-B82D-4B95-8D6A-33B2E1D883A9As a client, we are allowed to ask questions. Also, prior to meeting with a new counselor, we should do our own due diligence and research of him/her. End result is to trust and go forward. Then the role is reversed, as the counselor asks many questions and gets to know us with our private, personal, deep-dark secrets and a relationship is built between a counselor-client of trust. 51F8BCD1-4F15-44DA-B8A7-C1BD08B7F593It’s pretty awesome, especially when you can open up and share. Healing begins within you.

I feel that it is to your best interest to make the most of counseling, the time between sessions, to do research, read and trust the Lord to bring healing. Isn’t that why you are in counseling anyway? It is not just the counselor’s responsibility, it’s yours, too.

Pray not only for yourself to receive the therapeutic guidance from the counselor but for your heart to be open to receive and your ears and mind to hear. Pray, too, for the counselor to be open for the Lord to speak to them for and to you. There just might be some WOW moments and light to a dark corner of your life, at times.

A3B1CAEF-F72F-485B-8DD8-D1EA9B453A5ECounseling is not easy. Depending upon what you both are dealing with in these sessions, it is downright hard. Many times with my prior counselor, I have wanted to get up and leave in the middle of a session, other times never come back but I did because I was determined to move forward.  It was no surprise to her, as we discussed those facts often. Thankfully, she was mean enough to put up with me and I appreciated and loved her more for that reason.

So now as my new counselor and I get more familiar with one another, trust deepens and healing continues. I am looking forward to what lies ahead and how our counselor-client relationship will develop and if she pushes me (my buttons) to be the best person I can be. I think she will.

621EAF05-2395-44C1-9F2B-3D0BF02A07B4

If you are considering a counselor, hopefully this will help give you a glimpse of my experience. It is worth taking care of YOU, you have to. Wish you the best! ML