What is it about clean, white sheets on a bed? To many, it means nothing more than clean, white sheets, nothing out of the norm. It is a chore many dislike, laundry.
As I was making my bed, my mind went through years and years of memories, of how I felt and where I am now. As I smoothed out the sheets, admiring the crisp look and fresh scent, I teared up, thinking of the past. White sheets. I can have white sheets.
When I go to my sister’s house and stay a couple of nights, I look forward to our visit but her white sheets make me feel special and loved. When I go to a hotel, which is very rare, and once I settle in of seeing no bedbugs (Thank You Jesus), I enjoy the white sheets for the night, it’s a treat. White sheets. I, too, can have white sheets.
My bedroom accent colors are burgundy and olive green, very pretty to me. I always had burgundy cotton sheets, which I loved as they matched so well to my decor and bedding.
Although, after many washings over the years, they were starting to look worn, tired, becoming worthless, just as I felt in those years that my memory was actively reminding me.
Awhile back, I finally broke down and ordered a nice set of sheets, supposedly burgundy but not. Burgundy is a color that is hard to match, it’s a must see item before buying, lesson learned. In that, I ordered white sheets. Unsure if I would like, as I had grown attached to my old burgundy sheets due to the blending of colors. Plus, I hate change. White sheets. White sheets are for special people or guests, not me.
Hesitantly, the newly washed white sheets went on my bed and I loved them. Now wondering why it took me so long to make this change. Just this simple change in sheets, I felt different. As I pull down the covers to crawl in bed, I feel a joy. Just a simple, nice set of white sheets made me feel like I deserve them in my own home. Years and years of feeling worn, tired, unlovable and unworthy, I have felt life returning, as I am lovable and I am worthy after years of counseling and figuring out who I am once again. Life can push one down so low, of no hope in sight. White sheets. I am worthy to have white sheets.
People say they lose themselves in life situations and I totally understand this, as I did. I was at a point of hopelessness and feeling so worthless. No person should feel this or get to that point but it happens. Thank God I had a counselor that spent session after session, for four years, helping me see through the dark days and of understanding myself, as I gave up on loving and trusting others and even myself.
No matter, I knew God loved me through it all. I reminded myself that He knew my name and where I was at all times, which was my go-to saying, sometimes of not believing even that truth. He said He would never leave me nor forsake me so I had to trust and believe when I had nothing left within me.
It has taken awhile to get to this point but just the mundane act of making my bed of all clean bedding, seeing the white sheets, I am so thankful and touched that He did not leave me. He has brought me to a place where I am today. I do have white sheets now, and I love them. I don’t think I will ever buy any other color. A small, insignificant piece in my life just to remind me where I was and where I am and to feel hopeful and worthy. It’s the small things in life that brings the big picture together. White sheets. White sheets are a must.
Perhaps reading this blog of mine, (man or woman) you may relate or know of someone of feeling the unworthiness, which can cause so many issues compounding upon other issues to where you might feel stuck and total hopelessness. Perhaps it is no accident that you read of my own soul-sucking life experience to know that I understand.
Just know and most importantly, never forget that YOU are worthy.
HE KNOWS YOUR NAME AND HE KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE. TRUST HIM
10 Scriptures For When You Don’t Feel Good Enough
https://lynndove.com/2016/10/18/25-encouraging-bible-verses-for-women-who-struggle-with-self-worth/
In this past year of social distancing, the huggers have had withdrawals of not being able to be themselves. They want to reach out and hug but are reminded not to hug by the face mask the other wears and of their own. No hugs! This causes a void in their daily life whether it be in social settings as in church or just running into a friend or family member.
I know of one lady that is in a public business, a funeral home, and this is her nature. In her personality, which is very caring in this role of a funeral director, the hugs given to those in mourning are an added benefit. After all the funeral plans and committal service, these people know that the hug will come from her in the days ahead. Her hugs felt safe and precious in a time of the darkest hours with a death in a family of our area. If you mention her name, they automatically smile and remember the hugs given and so desperately needed.
process this. I was grieving but had to be strong for my dad, my children. Emotions were always hidden in our family growing up, you don’t cry, for whatever reason. Perhaps I was made to feel that way since I was seven years later and the older ones called me a cry baby. I learned early on to keep my emotions to myself, as a young child. So, I somewhat died along with her but became a robot of day to day living. Maybe they were all robots. During this time, my marriage was dying but even before, to cry on his shoulder or to be held, was also out of the question. Alone in my grief.
So here we are almost a year since this pandemic started and the social distancing, limits all around and it is like a don’t touch sign on each person. It is sad. I decided to reach out to her a few weeks ago as I/we still do for each other. I know she is there but I don’t rely on her as much. Unselfishly, which was not always easy, others need her, too. In my text, I asked her how she was doing and how she was handling this pandemic and the rules. Again, everyone knows she hugs, that is just her. When she responded, she was happy to be asked and felt she could elaborate but had to get back with me. It was several days later and I did not think anything about it, as life happens.
You know how kids will say, my dad is better than your dad? The title came to me after my one counselor texted me this morning, he was just checking on me with everything happening. How sweet is that!?!
Just Pondering... 