We’ve all heard that saying before, ‘writing on the wall’ to profess in time we knew it would happen. Usually something bad.
I redecorated a bedroom to an office space. I wanted unique and I found a paper for an accent wall. I love it. Actually, it is something we all need to read and know, to love and accept ourselves with a confidence.
I shared a pic with my sister and jokingly, she said mom would be mad that I wrote on the wall. My other sister said it was like we had to do many years ago in school, which was to write it hundreds of times, to remember something, a punishment usually. There was no copy and paste back then.
Her comment made me think. While I did not personally write on the wall hundreds of times, the written words are visible to me daily to accept and let them dwell within. These are all positive words, to be encouraged and to know they are true and push us forward. I can accept and grasp. I am worthy to accept even ‘be YOU tiful’. Not all the time in life could I have believed that, majority of it, to be honest.
So, in this case, the writing on the wall in my office is a good thing. It’s unique. We all need reminders and for me, hundreds of times.
I’m unique to God. You are unique to God. Just be encouraged, you are special and loved.
Today, as I listened to Reba McIntyre talk about her dad and how she never heard him tell her that he loved her growing up, laughing and brushing it off, I felt sad. What was it about that generation that did not say they loved their children? I know it must have hurt her even though she understood him. All children need to hear I Love You. I try to grasp what that generation was thinking, perhaps how they were raised. Did they not hear I Love You and figured that was the right way to raise their children or were they told too much and definitely did not want to repeat the same, which I really doubt. Maybe they were never told I Love You, so they lived a life of figuring they were loved, or also doubting of their parent’s love.
Had I heard those three words growing up, it sure would have saved me a lot of time and money in counseling. While that was not the main purpose of counseling, it played a big part of my life, a missing part. I discovered that I felt unlovable and not knowing even that until the counselor helped me see the dots connected. Something was just missing. Thank God she picked up on what I said and expressed of my childhood and adulthood.
While I, too, understood, I missed that part of truly knowing. Of course, they loved me, I am their child. RIght? Then again, I was an oopsie and did they regret me more than love me, which was a thought I often had. No, they loved me. It was just not part of them to express, and I have to remember that was just the way it was for them back then. How sad though that a child has to wonder such facts that should be an important part of growth.
Some will immediately state, of course, you were loved, as you had a roof over your head, shoes on your feet and food on the table. True! Is it that hard to say I Love You though to your own flesh and blood?
One thing, I learned of never hearing I Love You was to always tell my children that I love them. They never leave or hang up the phone call without their mom saying, I Love You. In turn, they tell me that they love me, which means the world to me. Maybe I run it in the ground too much whenever we leave one another, as I have thought, but how can one not enjoy hearing those three words. If I was to leave this world or they would, I want them to never have to guess or wonder if I loved them, vice versa. My heart beats for them, more than they will ever know. The last words, no matter when, I Love You!
I am sure in my parent’s heart, it beat for me, but my heart was broken many times when growing up, playing the guessing game if I truly was loved. Sadly, growing up never hearing, I never said those words to them either. Even though, they cared for me and at the end of their lives, I cared for them. That’s love!
It is understanding but yet forgiving them and myself of what did not happen in order to go on and know deep within that they loved me, and I loved them.
Never miss the opportunity to reassure those in your life of your appreciation, pay a compliment and put a positive word in their life and the most important is, I Love You.
Life is funny, or just maybe the Lord likes pulling my leg, just to test how I will respond. Will I pass the test. I have had a lot of tests through the years and failed many. Repeat, and again. Even though, I have learned from them,
In previous years, in my counseling sessions, my counselor over and over discussed changing my thoughts. Rewiring my brain, to make new neurons and to be a better me, more self worth, self esteem, less shame. I would listen to her trying to help me understand the shame and it took center stage very often in our sessions. I was not really aware of shame beforehand, or even used that word except it being more ashamed of what I have done, etc. So in my thinking, negative thinking, with life of myself, it all started to make sense. Shame! While I got it, it also sounded a lot like positive thinking, and basically it is, but better. Even the Bible talks about renewing our mind.
The negative self-talk in feeling hopeless and worthless due to situations, many beyond my control, but my thoughts controlled me. To just think positive thoughts sounds all good and easy and they can go for a bit and then go by the wayside. It takes work and practice to go in a direction that is unfamiliar by rewiring my brain. Even that brought negative thoughts, of I have a glitch in my brain. What is wrong with me was a common question. Who am I kidding? Shame! My exact thoughts, I was stuck in a rut that I saw no hope in the world around me, my personal life and just within me, my default mode. Even though, she did not give up on me. Thank You Lord!
I am sure she grew tired of helping me understand and grasp the positive and seeing the good in me and turning the negative around for the positive. Quit believing the lies and know my worth, so on and so forth. How can I do that I often thought and would struggle in how can this be and back down I go again until the next session. Shame was always present in my life, but I listened and was grasping ever so slowly.
This former counselor, from 2014 to 2018, was a Godsend. The ending between us was difficult, probably more for me than her, but I still cared and still do. To help me work through my feelings and emotions, I did not read her blogs on Facebook. I backed away. I had to take care of me. Another area she taught me, too.
So this past Monday, I opened up her Facebook business page where she has her blogs, videos and posts. I do not go there often at all and that is another whole blog of my own but I will spare you now. I scrolled through to read just the titles, I would see her in the videos talking but I never listened. I did good, I did not cry due to missing her even though I do and I did not feel angry of which I was. I paid attention to my emotions, my body and what was happening during this period. Something else she taught me. I even left the page open for a few hours and would glance as I worked, still paying attention to how I reacted. I do so miss her, that is a given.
What I thought was interesting was when I was turning her page off to go on with my day, and being so proud of myself. Well, that did not last long, as the thoughts came, rapidly. I have actually been doing good with this rewiring. Now, not so much. I dipped low in the negative thought pattern of I am not smart enough, she knows I don’t have it all together still, she will always find me flawed, and on and on it went. Wow!
While it did not last long, it was long enough. Just shut up! I know I thought and I think I even said it aloud in my empty office. I will not allow these negative thoughts to take over.
In what I want and desire to do, even now in my senior years, I am smart enough. The Lord is the one that has given me the desire and my gifts and talents. I have seen too much to back away now. I may not have it all together, but I am not the depressed woman I once was. As for her thinking I am flawed and not as good as her, I think she would be proud of me, even through this battle. We are all imperfect, even her. I have gifts and talents she does not have and vice versa, same with you. My calling is not her or your calling. So I think I finally put to rest this tug of war that I was hit within those moments.
It wasn’t long after, I was just looking through Facebook and saw a post, which is posted below. Now, how perfect it was to read and to remind myself of what just happened, plus remember all the counseling sessions. That shame reappeared to knock me down and used her, the one that helped me dig out of my pit of despair with shame. The enemy wants me and you not to have victory in our lives, BUT GOD… He does!
We have a choice. We can let Satan rule our mind and life with negativity or we can trust the Lord to lead and direct us in His Plan for our life. While I always knew that, all of my adult life, I lost touch during some bad parts of my life with hopelessness. No, not today! Today, I have HOPE and JOY.
Hopefully, the post I copied will be of help to you and to understand yourself or to help another. I had the privilege of having a great counselor of four years to redirect my thought pattern and help me walk forward knowing I am worthy and I am lovable. Will I experience this again? Yes, but it does not rule me. I believe I passed the test on Monday. I think, too, that she would be very proud of me.
“The first symptom of shame you’ll learn about is negative self-talk.⠀⠀
Negative self-talk is your inner critic. It’s the voice in your head that says ‘you’re not good enough.’ It’s the voice in your head that doubts you, judges you and tells you to settle for less than you deserve.⠀⠀
If you want a better life and relationships, you have to heal your negative self-talk. You can do this by putting the following tips into practice:
Be Aware Of The Voices In Your Head • Every human being has two voices in their head: (1) the voice of love, positivity and joy and (2) the voice of hatred, negativity and fear. • A person who struggles with negative self-talk mostly listens to the voice of hatred, negativity and fear. • The first step to changing your self-talk is to become aware of the negative voice. • Awareness is foundation of growth and change. ⠀⠀
Separate Yourself From The Voices In Your Head • Guess what? You are not the voices in your head. • The voices in your head are echoes from what you’ve heard in the past from parents, friends, bullies and the television. • When you understand that the voices in your head are not your own, then you can stop taking them seriously. • Always remember, you are not your thoughts. ⠀⠀
Be Compassionate To The Voices • Self-compassion is the practice of being kind to your negative thoughts and feelings. • Without self-compassion, healing is impossible. • An important aspect of self-compassion is introducing a new voice in your head. You should introduce this voice anytime you’re caught in negative self-talk. This voice should have a soft tone, kind words and a warm embrace. • For example, if your self-talk is telling you that “you’re not good enough.” Introduce the new voice by telling yourself, “I understand why you would feel this way, but this feeling is not a fact. You are more than enough.” ⠀⠀ Your self-talk affects every area of your life. Therefore, once you start to develop healthy self-talk, you’ll see massive life changes, especially in your relationships ❤️ Thank you for reading.https://www.facebook.com/thekyledjones
Sometimes, I have had to look at and read things like the chart below, as it would be explained to a child in order to grasp better and grow from there. This was all new to me back in 2014. The negative remained within me over the years, most of my life believing that I was not good enough as you or others. So many counseling sessions of her trying to pound this in my thick skull that I am okay and I am going to make it. Those negative thoughts needed to stop in order to allow myself to go forward. Even at my old age, the Lord still has a plan and a purpose for me, which will bring Him the Glory and Honor. I hope this helps someone.
Just a note because I can add a note. This whole week, I keep hearing or reading about this neuroplasticity, rewiring the brain, shame and everything I have noted in this blog. Not just once but daily, all week. I heard it again from another source and another in a different way, but the same message. Interesting that it kept happening all week. Life is interesting. It is either to confirm and/or for me to learn from it all, still. Perhaps the Lord is allowing me to hear it over and over again to make me aware He is with me and taking me places and I need to pay attention to the positive. I’m just taking you along for the ride in my journey.
“Plasticity, or neuroplasticity, describes how experiences reorganize neural pathways in the brain. Long lasting functional changes in the brain occur when we learn new things or memorize new information. These changes in neural connections are what we call neuroplasticity.“