Scatterbrained

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Today, I should be at work, I want to be at work, please let me work. I miss my office, I miss my desk, I miss all the files that go across my desk and through my hands daily, I miss the exhaustion at the end of the day and I miss all of my work family.

We will definitely need to have a “Welcome Back” party when we all return, just not soon enough right now.

My job right now, has stopped, just one at a time in the office. I cannot do anything unless the higher ups start pushing cases through. I am at a standstill. Odds are, you are, too.

090B38E0-8F3A-4554-98C3-69F99529705CToday I coughed to clear my throat many times. No other symptoms, just a cough. As I continued in my day, the thoughts started to run rampant within, of you have the virus, you have given this to your sons and it will be your fault and, of course, you are going to die. The enemy likes to torment me and place fear to where I feel frozen or perhaps paralyzed unable to think, get things done, as I go from this to that and chaos causing me to feel scatterbrained. It’s anxiety. My cough is just from the anxiety felt.

Today I have managed to pray, read, write, trying my hand at tapping through the anxiety (EFT), and often splashed essential oils all over me. I am a walking, talking and breathing diffuser right now. To write, I do relax. A walk helps to feel the sun and crisp air on my face to allow myself to get grounded.E4C987CB-559A-4855-B921-E19385657968

My routine is off, your routine is off, everything is off. I have time to do whatever I want and have wanted to do around my home for days, weeks, months and yes even years but my focus and desire to do any of it is off. I just do the basics. Thinking, too, I will have plenty of time.

So many posts on Facebook deal with what we are dealing with all over the world, to help with anxiety. At times, I just want to shut everything off and pretend this is not real.  I have read often that we are to limit our time watching the news, reading too much of the statistics and what seems like doom and gloom.

With me not going to work, I had more time to read information of the latest news and how the virus affects the body, but I read too much. My mind went into overload and then fear jumped in.

So perhaps you experience anxiety from time to time, too. It is very easy to feel right now but we are to limit ourselves, we can set up our own boundaries. As long as we are doing our part through this crisis, we are doing good. Take one day at a time. As I wrote yesterday, I know that He is my hiding place, and He is yours, too.

CEB840C9-38CD-40ED-881D-362700912554Focus! We are to keep our eyes on The Lord. He brings peace to the chaotic, scatterbrained routine that we may slip into at times. Just be sure to bring your focus back to Him.

Stay Well

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https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/worry-and-anxiety-bible-verses/

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/scatterbrain

Powerful feelings, such as being stressed, angry or sad, can cloud your thinking brain, hampering your ability to reason effectively. “Those primary emotions — anxiety, sadness, anger — are the ones more likely to be associated with those who feel disorganised, distracted and overwhelmed,” he writes. May 6, 2014

https://themighty.com/2020/03/difference-between-anxiety-and-covid-19-symptoms/?utm_source=Mighty_Page&utm_medium=Facebook

 

My Counselor is better than your Counselor 😊

CAC2AA3E-0D94-49D1-BD01-9F043EE7F7E5You know how kids will say, my dad is better than your dad? The title came to me after my one counselor texted me this morning, he was just checking on me with everything happening. How sweet is that!?!

My other counselor and I touched base the other day, too. This means a lot to me as they both know of my past with abandonment. During this time, I could easily feel that way although they had nothing to do with the crisis we are in. Thankfully, I don’t feel abandoned.

Many would object to this contact between counselor and client. Perhaps more so after counseling has ended so the contact would not cause a dip in the progress made. Plus, due to the code of ethics. I get it, although I would welcome contact from my previous counselor, but I doubt that will ever happen.

Just this morning, as I was getting ready for my day, soon after writing my blog, I Don’t Like It, I received his text.  It was like he knew I needed that. Perhaps the Lord put me on his mind and heart to make contact, which did touch my heart. 7B62F08A-0730-4491-B83E-66BEE3139A17

These days and more so ahead, we need to touch base with one another when they come to mind. That could be that the Lord put them in your thoughts to encourage them, if just in a text saying you are thinking of them. Everyone will need encouragement through this period that we have never experienced before. Pay attention to the nudge within, take a minute and touch base.

If you or someone you know is having some issues through all of the crisis at hand, please contact a counselor. While they, too, are on limited face-to-face setting to meet, a telephone call or FaceTime will have to suffice but at least it is something and reaching out. Give yourself or them a pat on the back, if so.

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There is nothing wrong having a counselor, or two in my case. Many still hold a stigma in this area, as you are crazy, etc. Even with me seeing two counselors, that enters my mind that others might think I have a lot of issues. I have issues that I am dealing with but at least I am reaching out for help but mostly to be a better me. I have and had the best.

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Anxiousness Around

EF49D8C9-FB31-4C0A-B905-1064D2597FDBLast night as my sister and I messaged back and forth about this, that and the other, I mentioned all the anxiousness around us. Many are downright panicked with the possibility of being quarantined fourteen days, which affects each and everyone of us. Knowing, too, many work and live paycheck to paycheck, which may or may not be available. Fear of the what ifs come into play. What if I cannot pay my mortgage/rent? What if I cannot pay for electricity, water and food. Now food brings up a whole other fear, as the shelves are bare from day to day. Depending upon how many children are under the roof, adults, pets, etc., the fear increases. Many are thinking maybe they will be okay but many maybe not, as this will definitely be a hardship.

As we continued our messaging, we discussed our churches and if canceled. Neither were canceled but the greeting to one another should only be a smile and a kind word, no handshakes. Many will still hug and shake A794D776-0DF3-4FFD-92B2-BFC9DE0E60A2hands, which I plan to observe today and will probably do myself. Another, maybe, maybe not. The fear of being around others right now is on the back of our minds, even though we try to have faith, all will be fine. Probably so. How will you feel when you hear a sneeze or a cough from one within the suggested six foot radius?

So this morning, reading scripture and pondering the word anxiousness, I search the Bible verses for such and tagging along with that is fear and faith. The Bible is full of verses, instruction for each one of us, like He knew this would be a weak link. How about that!723C1619-8876-4851-871A-BF13E51379F9

I always thought I had a lot of faith and was optimistic in my life. Yes, there were many times I was not but I always tried my best. Knowing I have had to place my faith in God through the years, He was always there to calm my fears. I’d brush off the negative thoughts, fear and get back up.

Searching and knowing I have and had faith, I had to laugh and remember many of my counseling sessions. While I could put on a good face and encourage others always, being in counseling though, she would see and hear my fears, the anxiousness and cries not knowing what to do. I trusted her enough to let her see the good, bad and the ugly side of me that only the Lord would know of me.

Perhaps that thought was to pull me down, as the enemy would love for me to fall into a pit of despair during this time. Instead I continued on my quest to search the Word of God to increase my faith and decided to write to hopefully encourage you and increase your faith.

Bible Verse Adult Coloring Pages Printable Printables Mintreet New PrintableWhat is there to lose except sleepless nights and stress? Trust the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul. Dig your heals in and hold onto His Word. If you just pick one scripture that speaks to you and gives you hope. For many years, and still, the one that has kept me standing was that He would never leave me nor forsake me. With that, I knew I was never alone, even though I had my doubts at times but that was no surprise to Him. Knowing and saying many times, He knows my name and He knows where I am, was and still like my motto. The same is true for you, He knows your name and where you are. He will never leave you or forsake you. He loves YOU!

As we go about life in the days ahead of the uncertainty, whether it be with this virus affecting our daily routine and seeing the panic on faces all around us or in our everyday life once it all settles, just Trust Him.

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Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Isaiah 43:1 “Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.”

Luke 12:28-30  “But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them.”

The Good News: Let your mind be at ease, God’s love surrounds you.

God actually commands us not to fear, or worry. He knows the enemy uses fear to decrease our hope and limit our victories.  

https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/topical-studies/what-does-i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you-mean-in-the-bible.html

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Wavelengths

BREAKER, BREAKER…

Come in please!

Anybody there?

Do you hear me?

BREAKER, BREAKER…

Hello?56D6CEAE-4603-4D56-A93B-C65078A46598

Okay, I am alone, nobody is there. No answer was received as I go forward on my own. Here I go! What’s new though, I am always going forward, always on my own. No difference now.

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This is exactly what it feels like in a not-so-normal marriage for one reason or another. Knowing that the frequency of wavelengths between us two, are with no hope in sight. No need for hope at this point. The ride in life is alone and has felt alone and always will be alone.3B1BBC5C-32F5-45F7-80E1-F2446D40BD41

To give you some direction, if on the same radio frequency, even though you are at a standstill but also as you move forward, at a slow pace. Keep going! No doubt at some point, you felt lost on your route in this relationship by trying all sorts of tricks and talks to re-route the trip together but to no avail.AAF4DB0B-2BA1-40B5-9869-DBE33F7DE9CE

As you come to the fork in the road, deciding which direction, you may have just stopped there not knowing what to do. Perhaps you started down one way and notice it was going nowhere. Realizing finally after much displeasure, discontentment and the death of a marriage, you recalculate and the u-turn was made.

Now as you venture new territory, caring for yourself and not feeling so alone, life begins to blossom just as the spring is upon us. There is hope and a flicker of joy for more. You can do this in many ways, just start.

While maintaining a neutral ride at this time, this is when you gain ground and strength within. Do some research, join support groups either on Facebook or in your community and at a church. Get familiar with what is available, such as counseling, for you to move forward and find the happiness you know you deserve. This is a map of where you want to go and desire, as life is not meant to be stuck in a rut, spinning your wheels and standing alone.A6D54C3A-4E21-48BF-AED8-702332840662It’s time to get a tuneup and be ready for more. You deserve more. If you have done all that you could do to rectify the issue and no answer received, over and over again, please encourage yourself and know your worth in order to keep moving forward.

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BREAKER, BREAKER

Come in please!

Anybody there?

Somebody there to hear me, see me and love me?

BREAKER, BREAKER

I am here, I want to live and enjoy my life.

One day, I’ll be able to say OVER AND OUT

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Check out these resources: 

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BF2562B0-2E6E-439A-ACBA-94B3A358AAF6      E3A1CA3E-34C4-4CE6-9AE1-9FD20D76928F

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Most importantly, the Lord knows your name

and He knows where you are in your journey.  

Trust Him! 

 

So Far Away

65490DC3-452C-45F7-AD65-26E398698941There is nothing more upsetting than a phone call at 3:17 a.m. answering and hearing your son crying uncontrollably.  Asking what is wrong?  Are you okay? Where are you? Trying to remain calm in order to calm him and his mind but inside I am a total, emotional mess. The sobbing is lessening but he is still crying and expressing what he is going through. Working out of town and being almost three hours away.

Do I jump in my car and go to him or do I talk him through the night until he regains control, which I did for two hours. Finally, he sounds like my son again and getting a grip from being overwhelmed with life upon his shoulders, tiredness and hungry.

I prayed for him as he cried, we discussed how this is when he needs to call out upon the Lord. Reminding him of God’s love.4F868FBC-6E7F-4427-82F3-42DEF5B8006C

We talked about everything imaginable in order to redirect his thoughts and emotions in order to drive home safely. His awareness of the Lord was definitely there and has been.

He was telling me that earlier in the day, driving to the event he was working, there was a wreck in front of him. A semi and a car ahead of him, the car rolled over. This scene has played in his mind since, seeing the girl in the car. He did not stop to help. The regrets were tugging at his heart since but also knowing he was just feet from being involved, too, as his car skidded but then straightened and moved out of the way. The fear that was felt seeing a semi headed in your direction but then control of the car happened. Son, please recognize that was the Hand of God, and he knew it. He regrets that he did not help the girl and pray with her. This whole accident right before his eyes will haunt him for a bit if not longer, as it replays in his mind. It was traumatic as it would anyone.

123CDAA3-91F5-4F89-AC41-00F76C3413F2Now thinking back of it all and how he was afraid to drive home. Not only fear but shock. While working, he had to focus on his job and was with others, but afterward and alone, it was all when it all hit by feeling it was all unreal but knowing it was real.

Hearing what he was telling me, it definitely could have been worse. I had to deal with my own panic and fear knowing how close he was to this accident. I’ll take my son crying uncontrollably three hours away, as I thank God for keeping him safe.

He was open to hear me pray, thanked me for being his mother, a shining light to him and everything a mom wants to hear but not in this manner and or distance between us. I want my boy! My arms cannot reach him but God’s arms are around him. I, too, must trust Him at this time.

Just this past week, in a job he was filming, I thought to myself, that this is not an ordinary job but was orchestrated by the Lord.  There has always been a calling  of God on his life, he knows it.D0074098-EB99-4F90-8242-C5139FC4C38E

As he sits in the empty parking lot, looking at the stars of which we also discussed, I told him this is a great time to surrender his life to the Lord, He’s calling.

I had my bags packed to travel the three hours, if need be. Myself praying for direction, what am I to do Lord? Do I go, do I stay?  I’m here, waiting for his check-ins every thirty miles, as he is together enough to drive. There is no rest until I know he pulls his car in his driveway and calls to say, Mom, I’m home.

As you read my blog, this one especially, as I have shared others blogs about my son, would you please say a prayer for him? Thank You! ✝️

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Awaiting Joy

As I see him leave the house, there is a spring in my step. 09500753-B1DE-4490-9304-323F1F70B37EI’m ready to turn up my music, flow freely through my house, sing and sometimes dance if I so desire, the cleaning becomes fun, the sound of the vacuum is like a melody, the washer and dryer hum in the background. What a nice time enjoying my home without an energy, draining vampire lurking about.

D41A95B1-88F8-45AB-A2A4-182EE99F4314If I decide to write as I am doing now, the words flow freely and my mind is sharp. So much to do enjoying my time alone, knowing it is short lived so I cherish the moments, as it will soon end.

I don’t have to listen to his sighs and monotone voice with no joy present, as Aspergers is real and there is none to be found. I have had years to search and try to find and realize there is just none. I’m bored to tears and have been for years. I have so much to give in love and laughter but I’m done trying to go there with him. Only disappointment and sorrow swallows me up inside with nothing more to give.

58C2C074-F0A7-4E48-836D-A8E900EC6BE0Lord, there must be more, I have said so many times through the years and You heard the same today.  I have come so far and know the light at the end of the tunnel is near. I’m getting impatient so please hurry this along. My age is adding numbers and my strength is becoming less. There is so much I want to do in my time left. I want happiness, I want to feel joy, I just want to have fun and laugh until it hurts. I’m at an age I feel I’ve earned the best of what life has to offer, but I’m stuck and need a few more things to line up.191CD327-E696-451C-993B-40621140587B

Well, I need to get the clothes from the dryer and close up my freedom as soon he will be walking through the door once again. Turn the music off, put the vacuum away, gather my warm clothing to fold and put away, the singing and dancing goes on the shelf and boredom soon to develop.

Lord, there has to be more for me on this earth. I know you have had your Hand upon me and still, and I thank You with my whole heart.059D8E68-6532-4077-9F8A-928C6522D027

Life continues in this quiet house, non-existence of a relationship under one roof with no joy to be found except what I have in my heart and I know to wait.

 

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https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201305/the-unhappy-marriage-stay-or-go

If I Leave I’m Afraid I Will Dishonor God

 

Just a Note…

1167DA89-82C3-4C47-8C7C-80DA147E68AFAs I was getting ready for work on Friday morning, I heard the text tone I set for my son come through on my phone, which startled me. This child of mine, is not a morning person. Of course, I read the gif shown (Just sending u a note to say… I love you), and was so pleasantly surprised. I was happy, and it was a great start to my day.

I try to give each of my sons their space, as they need to figure life out plus they are adults. Mom is not as important anymore ED28A2B2-ACBD-4103-AB84-85FFDDDA0704although I know they love me and they know that I would drop whatever I was doing and be with them, if needed.

Knowing this past week, I was starting to really miss them and honestly felt forgotten, not needed, etc. You know, those pity-party mom moments. So to receive his text was needed more than he will ever know, even though I did respond back to him of my appreciation and love.

FDFD5631-C851-4D40-A5F0-B4C497F5B7F3In our daily lives, we all need encouragement if even from a stranger in a smile. It may be the only smile we get. Or even a touch, or a pat on the arm in a conversation. It might be the only 00B3A9AB-DBFF-4201-BED2-095ADE8BB212touch we get. Never to forget, we can and are to do the same. A smile costs nothing but can mean more than money, it brings hope that someone cared enough to do just that small act of kindness.

In a recent situation, I had hoped to get just an ‘I’m proud of you’ from one, which would have meant the world to 97D79571-BEB5-45BC-BD6B-159F6E617FD4me, to read and re-read those words written back in response to an email. Nothing. I was so disappointed and sad as I sometimes let the negative thoughts roll in my mind. I know not to dwell there but I do at times. Thoughts of I guess they really don’t care, I am forgotten, etc. Again, a pity-party moment or two. It’s okay and we all do it but just don’t stay there. Just be proud of yourself! 039DA355-F6B7-42F6-B4CE-BCFFEF17A4E3

Have you ever had somebody comment on a pretty top or some type of clothing you were wearing?  Sure you have. Perhaps I am one to think too much in those instances. Yes, my top is pretty but thinking do I look nice with it on. Take it a step further and being truthful by just saying 0D91556A-9B2C-41B0-A1A1-DB9014E5FEF2you look nice today’ instead of just complimenting the piece of clothing. It changes the whole outlook. Instead of leaving the one questioning do I look nice or not, it might be the only compliment they receive or have received. Watch how they beam and their shoulders are more upright, as you just made that person’s day. Pay attention to yourself when told the same, you look nice today.9D667C71-199B-40B7-A017-029E7EC99EAB

With this compliment, some will be shocked and not know what to say. Yes, they should say, thank you, but they were caught off guard, not expecting or have not received many compliments. Don’t take offense, if not thanked, just let the one receive and enjoy your kind words. I have had this said at times and then the one saying I looked nice, then say to me, ‘say ‘thank you.’ While I understand the politeness of saying thank you, it tends to cancel out the you look nice compliment, as now you are correcting me and I am now stuck on that instead of how nice I thought I looked. Make sense?  Perhaps just me overthinking. In time though, as confidence builds in oneself, the words ‘Thank You’ will follow. Be patient with them or yourself.

Words play a strong influence in our life, which can lift you up or tear you down.6718D30F-89EB-4F1C-B4A6-D5F5192598B4

The text from my son of the gif remind me that he thought enough of me to send and that it said I Love You, will never be deleted. I needed that from him.

Just a note… to another, kind and encouraging words, a smile or a touch brings hope. We all need hope.

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https://biblereasons.com/kindness/