Care of a Cardinal

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To get off of what is going on all around us, around me, I thought would share a part of my life, plus for me to go down memory lane. Think back in your own life and bring up good memories, write them down for your children/family, or just for yourself. We need to deviate from what is happening around us. Take a break!

So today as I stood at my kitchen sink looking out the window, waiting for my coffee to finish, I watched the birds on my deck enjoying the birdseed. It seems like I always have at least ten cardinals all the time. Now and then I will have a blue jay, woodpecker, doves and then, of course, the pesty black birds that try to take over and eat all the seed. C454C9FA-C679-4DF1-B596-18DB6635A8DC

Many have said that when there are red birds, the cardinals, it’s family members that have passed. If that is the case, I am having a family reunion daily, which is fine with me. It is kinda nice to imagine, if so.

Sometimes remembering that saying, and as with family members, they quarrel now and then, pick on each other, but so do the birds, so I smile and think it must be my family members.EB951341-5668-418B-9453-C8ABE81844F8

The bright red cardinal is the male. I never understood why he had to be so bright and pretty, as it should be the female. The females are more grayish with a red tint. No matter, they are beautiful and I do love watching them.

When watching the birds, I was reminded of the day before my thyroidectomy several years back. Standing at my kitchen sink also, I was looking out, crying and praying because I was scared. Majority of the time I can hold it together for the most part, while with others or at work, but I do fall apart when alone. This was one of those times. Even so, I know the Lord has me in the palm of His Hand.

Had it not been for me being in the hospital for four days before Christmas with an A-Fib attack prior to my surgery, this blog would not be as it is.

My family doctor, when they did actually come to the hospitals for visits, she asked if I had the ultrasound of my goiter that was present on the right side of my neck. No, I put off making an appointment due to work or one reason or another. Nobody would have noticed the goiter but it was causing me swallowing issues, as it was pressing on my esophagus. The ultrasound was ordered before they would release me. Please release me, let me go I was begging, as I had only one day to get my Christmas together before my boys were home from college.

I know that nurses are not to say anything to their patients about tests. My nurse though looked at me before giving my release papers and instructions and just said, ‘you need to have a biopsy soon’ with a dead, serious look directly into my eyes. I can still see her in my mind of that serious moment between us  Okay! Just let me go home, I promise.

I did have the biopsy, a fine needle and a core needle biopsy. Now as I write this, I remember there were four of us in the dark room with my head tilted back. The nurse held my left hand, the doctor was on my right and the laboratory technician with the microscope was over to the side to receive the biopsy sample. Fine needle biopsy, done. With the core needle, they were hoping that they would get a good sample on the first try. Hey, I was, too. First try! Those two guys actually did a high-five, like two boys winning a ballgame. Hey, I am over here. Thank God it was over.

As I left the procedure room, now holding a bag of ice on my neck, I just hung out because I knew I tend to pass out, a vagal response. Of course, being independent as I am, I drove myself and now I was afraid to drive. So I found a place in the lobby and just sat down until I felt relief from the pain and the fear that was overtaking my mind. Sitting there, out comes a friend, that I have not seen for many years, from visiting her father and she was leaving. We talked briefly, as people do in passing but then she sat down and stayed with me. Later telling me it was not an accident of this meeting, and I knew that, too, as I needed support. One more hurdle down and a big one to come.

While I have had plenty of surgeries throughout my life, this time the doctor was going to be cutting on my throat. Not knowing for certain if I had Cancer, the fine needle and core needle biopsies showed cells that were questionable. They did not hesitate to schedule surgery. This all was in a timespan of seven weeks, from Christmas  until the day of surgery.

389627B0-3EE9-4120-9A33-92AD87D58CE2So standing at the kitchen window, the day before surgery, out of the blue, a red cardinal came to the window, clutched onto the window screen right in front of me. I am looking at it and it is looking at me.  In that moment, I felt peace. Like it was there to let me know I was going to be okay, and I walked away with that assurance. So you tell me if cardinals are family members or not, as it sure felt that way.

Back then, I felt it was my mom but today I thought now that was a male cardinal so that must have been dad, if so. Either or, I had comfort going forward the next morning for surgery.

As the doctor made markings on my neck where to cut, the right side only was to be removed. He stopped and asked my permission that if they did not like what the left side of my thyroid looked like, can they remove it, too.  Otherwise, in six months we would be doing the same thing. Of course, I gave my permission, I felt I had to.

As they wheeled me back to the operating room, I knew my one doctor (ENT), the one doing the surgery, who specializes with thyroid cancer would be in there waiting to start. As the gurney went around the corner, I see the other ENT doctor I normally would see either for myself or for my boys. He was smiling and saying he was going be in the operating room also. I felt totally confident that these two would take care of me. I did, in fact, have a full thyroidectomy.

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Returning for my post-op visit a week later, my sister drove me, as I was not to look up or down, and trust me, I did not want to. The tape that he used was more of a nuisance than the pain. I am not one to have others in the exam room with me at any of my doctor’s office visits. When they called my name though, I looked at my sister and said, I think you are to be with me today. It was odd to have her in there with me though. As the doctor came in to remove the aggravating tape, bandage and drain tube, he then said that he was glad they removed the whole thyroid. The right side was the one of concern throughout this whole ordeal but Cancer was on the left side.7BD0DA6B-A8D6-4AF6-96E5-8CCA465F5AB2

Hearing the word Cancer will put one in a daze. The doctor said they caught it early and he felt confident that my bloodwork which would be needed often and for years, would show negative results, if so. Thankfully, negative results, still.

As my sister and I left, we got in the car and both just sat there stunned, not expecting to hear Cancer. It was a shock to both of us.

So with the cardinals outside my kitchen window today, reminding me of just how the Lord has had His Hand upon me from the beginning before Christmas, in the hospital, knowing had it not been, my outcome would not have been as positive.

Don’t you at times look back and see how the Hand of God worked in your life? Our ways are not His Ways. Since I procrastinated on that ultrasound for a year, it was no mistake that I ended up in the hospital on a different matter. I really feel that He allowed this in order to stop me from putting it off any longer. I am thankful.

We may not understand what we go through at times, questioning and even angry at God. It is no surprise to Him of our reaction.  Even now with the world-wide crisis, we don’t understand, there is hopelessness, fear, anger and all kinds of emotions, which is normal. Hopefully though, we will see that He is and has held our hand through trials we go through and going through and our faith will increase. We each have a choice and I hope that you Trust Him.

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Check your neck!  Thyroid Awareness is not just a woman issue, men are not exempt.

Red Cardinal Biblical Meaning – The Cardinal Symbols of Faith

Scatterbrained

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Today, I should be at work, I want to be at work, please let me work. I miss my office, I miss my desk, I miss all the files that go across my desk and through my hands daily, I miss the exhaustion at the end of the day and I miss all of my work family.

We will definitely need to have a “Welcome Back” party when we all return, just not soon enough right now.

My job right now, has stopped, just one at a time in the office. I cannot do anything unless the higher ups start pushing cases through. I am at a standstill. Odds are, you are, too.

090B38E0-8F3A-4554-98C3-69F99529705CToday I coughed to clear my throat many times. No other symptoms, just a cough. As I continued in my day, the thoughts started to run rampant within, of you have the virus, you have given this to your sons and it will be your fault and, of course, you are going to die. The enemy likes to torment me and place fear to where I feel frozen or perhaps paralyzed unable to think, get things done, as I go from this to that and chaos causing me to feel scatterbrained. It’s anxiety. My cough is just from the anxiety felt.

Today I have managed to pray, read, write, trying my hand at tapping through the anxiety (EFT), and often splashed essential oils all over me. I am a walking, talking and breathing diffuser right now. To write, I do relax. A walk helps to feel the sun and crisp air on my face to allow myself to get grounded.E4C987CB-559A-4855-B921-E19385657968

My routine is off, your routine is off, everything is off. I have time to do whatever I want and have wanted to do around my home for days, weeks, months and yes even years but my focus and desire to do any of it is off. I just do the basics. Thinking, too, I will have plenty of time.

So many posts on Facebook deal with what we are dealing with all over the world, to help with anxiety. At times, I just want to shut everything off and pretend this is not real.  I have read often that we are to limit our time watching the news, reading too much of the statistics and what seems like doom and gloom.

With me not going to work, I had more time to read information of the latest news and how the virus affects the body, but I read too much. My mind went into overload and then fear jumped in.

So perhaps you experience anxiety from time to time, too. It is very easy to feel right now but we are to limit ourselves, we can set up our own boundaries. As long as we are doing our part through this crisis, we are doing good. Take one day at a time. As I wrote yesterday, I know that He is my hiding place, and He is yours, too.

CEB840C9-38CD-40ED-881D-362700912554Focus! We are to keep our eyes on The Lord. He brings peace to the chaotic, scatterbrained routine that we may slip into at times. Just be sure to bring your focus back to Him.

Stay Well

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https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/worry-and-anxiety-bible-verses/

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/scatterbrain

Powerful feelings, such as being stressed, angry or sad, can cloud your thinking brain, hampering your ability to reason effectively. “Those primary emotions — anxiety, sadness, anger — are the ones more likely to be associated with those who feel disorganised, distracted and overwhelmed,” he writes. May 6, 2014

https://themighty.com/2020/03/difference-between-anxiety-and-covid-19-symptoms/?utm_source=Mighty_Page&utm_medium=Facebook

 

You Are My Hiding Place

 

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As I woke up this morning, I immediately thought, you are my hiding place.  I knew exactly that this is in the Bible and that the Lord is my hiding place. He has had to be, is now and forever will be. I love when I have a word or scripture come to me, just like this morning, as I will dwell on it today and give me hope for the days ahead.

Of course, that is where I started my day and continued, looking up scriptures to match the words, you are my hiding place. Being confined is quite nice actually, in order to slow the morning down, not rushing to get ready to go here or there.B9CB050C-780D-4B68-9C1B-5C4542617724

Knowing of what is taking place in our world, fear hits at times and tears fall but this is normal for any of us during this time of uncertainty. Just don’t stay in that mode because you still need to push forward and live. We will get through this.

Being reassured with those words, you are my hiding place, did give me hope. I will share them with you, as He is your hiding place, too.

6F2AC933-A205-4B36-BFE5-346B360589EDAs a mom of two grown men, they are never out of my thoughts and prayers, they have my heart and continuous love. I did get to see them last night, briefly. I just needed to see them before we may have to shelter in place. I did get my hugs from each and that in itself melts my heart. As their mother, even at their age, I want to hide them from all of this chaos. Just as that is on my mind, so is the Lord for me, you and each of us. He wants to hide us.

Trusting and believing that this too shall pass but that we turn our thoughts and prayers toward Him, as our faith will increase and love toward Him. It is as simple as that. He is our hiding place.3D122027-3C8A-401A-92BA-1A76763B3273

Open up your Bible or use the Internet and look up scripture, if just God is my hiding place, that I write about this morning. You will be surprised. There is a joy deep within when you can read His Word, and a certain word or scripture just seems to pop out at you. Odds are you will say or think, I needed that. The hope within you comes alive.

May your day(s) be filled with peace knowing you have a hiding place to go to. Trust Him!

 

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Joyce Meyer – Choose God’s Secret Place

http://www.tellthelordthankyou.com/blog/2017/6/6/psalm-1911-8-you-are-my-hiding-place

 

 

My Counselor is better than your Counselor 😊

CAC2AA3E-0D94-49D1-BD01-9F043EE7F7E5You know how kids will say, my dad is better than your dad? The title came to me after my one counselor texted me this morning, he was just checking on me with everything happening. How sweet is that!?!

My other counselor and I touched base the other day, too. This means a lot to me as they both know of my past with abandonment. During this time, I could easily feel that way although they had nothing to do with the crisis we are in. Thankfully, I don’t feel abandoned.

Many would object to this contact between counselor and client. Perhaps more so after counseling has ended so the contact would not cause a dip in the progress made. Plus, due to the code of ethics. I get it, although I would welcome contact from my previous counselor, but I doubt that will ever happen.

Just this morning, as I was getting ready for my day, soon after writing my blog, I Don’t Like It, I received his text.  It was like he knew I needed that. Perhaps the Lord put me on his mind and heart to make contact, which did touch my heart. 7B62F08A-0730-4491-B83E-66BEE3139A17

These days and more so ahead, we need to touch base with one another when they come to mind. That could be that the Lord put them in your thoughts to encourage them, if just in a text saying you are thinking of them. Everyone will need encouragement through this period that we have never experienced before. Pay attention to the nudge within, take a minute and touch base.

If you or someone you know is having some issues through all of the crisis at hand, please contact a counselor. While they, too, are on limited face-to-face setting to meet, a telephone call or FaceTime will have to suffice but at least it is something and reaching out. Give yourself or them a pat on the back, if so.

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There is nothing wrong having a counselor, or two in my case. Many still hold a stigma in this area, as you are crazy, etc. Even with me seeing two counselors, that enters my mind that others might think I have a lot of issues. I have issues that I am dealing with but at least I am reaching out for help but mostly to be a better me. I have and had the best.

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I Don’t Like It

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My mind is stuck, my thoughts are not going anywhere, I cannot concentrate enough to write. Even though my mind is stuck, I feel it is everywhere.

There is no surprise here, as everywhere we look, everything we read or hear is about the crisis and rightfully so due to the severity. I don’t have to like it though. No doubt, you feel the same.

Enough already!037F4683-34B9-4667-BE6F-4CA7636AD996

There is a freezing within me of panic although I feel calm, as I know that I must keep it together, otherwise it is insanity.

Alone, my tears will flow as in that old, ugly cry at least once or twice a day. My cries to the Lord to take this away, to protect my children, family, friends, the world. Knowing we are all in this together.

Enough already!90D05FCC-B819-4A90-9ABD-DE1E637F55C8

The day begins, the same routine of cleaning the house, when I really want to go out. Of course, I can go out but in limited space. I want to visit my boys, have dinner to talk and laugh but it’s hard to do by going through a drive-thru.

Once the tears, cries and prayers are out, it is time to get up to start my day, any which way. I hope I am productive and it is a good day, as I will do the same tomorrow and the next day.

The peace of God that comes after a bout of emotions, is definitely worth the time in devotion. He calms my fears, E9457875-0856-4FA7-AB3B-68F33E326314the panic is lessened as my mind is gearing up for the day. I have to put my trust in the Lord, for He is all I have and He is The Way.

Enough already!

Okay, Let’s do this!

 

 

In the Lord our God! Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. … Proverbs 18:10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe. Nehemiah 8:10 Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/bible-verses-for-faith-in-hard-times/

 

 

Chill Out, Mom!

FA196F8F-96AE-42D9-BBB0-4C820F458972We all know what is happening all around us and will have to deal with it in one way or another. If you don’t know what is happening, then your head is stuck in the sand. Get it out and pay attention.

I know for myself, I am tired of hearing and reading about this Coronavirus, of which you are reading about in my writing. I want it over and done, let’s get back to our daily routine. Sadly, we haven’t even hit the peak of this madness.

Why do our children, like my grown son, a millennial, just shrug this off? Mom, it’s nothing, don’t fear the hype. Chill out! My thought… DO NOT tell me to chill out! 6951BD5D-C8D5-472C-8B5B-CE9D1CF9C677

Have you ever just wanted to reach through the phone and jerk a knot in their behind?

The past seven days he has been in Florida working and a enjoying a mini vacation. I do believe his head has been in the sand.  Trying to encourage him to go get some canned goods, etc., and not to forget toilet paper, which apparently is a must through this ordeal. Maybe if and/or when he goes to the local store(s) and see for himself the empty shelves, he will believe me.

As a mom, no matter what age our children are, I have found you still worry, even though you pray for God’s hedge of protection to cover them.

While I am not in a panic, I know many are and fear is rampant on the faces and hopelessness only to grow in the days ahead. Trying to express, without fear in my tone, but the urgency, encourage and push him to action. This may be one time, yet again, that he has to learn on his own and this mom has to back off to trust the Lord through the process.B42F5D6B-EB20-4C02-8BC3-8B7C9E9BA442

It is so hard at times, like God needs my help. You know?  I, of course, know better. My faith will grow, even though tears may fall and the cries of my heart in prayers that are never ending for my child. His faith will grow, too, in God and in his mom, realizing he should have listened

I do plan to have a box for him of food to use if needed and no doubt he will roll his eyes when I drop this off over the weekend. Surely, he will not tell me to chill out while in his presence. Let’s hope not.

Children! You just got to love them.

I know years later, he will regret moments between him and I and of not spending more time with me and knowing his mom better in his adult years.  I think we probably all go through this.

So for now, I’m…C86903F3-4519-46FD-9FBC-0FA8603CBD38

 

https://www1.cbn.com/parenting/parenting-out-of-faith-not-fear

 

How to Trust God With Your Adult Children

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Anxiousness Around

EF49D8C9-FB31-4C0A-B905-1064D2597FDBLast night as my sister and I messaged back and forth about this, that and the other, I mentioned all the anxiousness around us. Many are downright panicked with the possibility of being quarantined fourteen days, which affects each and everyone of us. Knowing, too, many work and live paycheck to paycheck, which may or may not be available. Fear of the what ifs come into play. What if I cannot pay my mortgage/rent? What if I cannot pay for electricity, water and food. Now food brings up a whole other fear, as the shelves are bare from day to day. Depending upon how many children are under the roof, adults, pets, etc., the fear increases. Many are thinking maybe they will be okay but many maybe not, as this will definitely be a hardship.

As we continued our messaging, we discussed our churches and if canceled. Neither were canceled but the greeting to one another should only be a smile and a kind word, no handshakes. Many will still hug and shake A794D776-0DF3-4FFD-92B2-BFC9DE0E60A2hands, which I plan to observe today and will probably do myself. Another, maybe, maybe not. The fear of being around others right now is on the back of our minds, even though we try to have faith, all will be fine. Probably so. How will you feel when you hear a sneeze or a cough from one within the suggested six foot radius?

So this morning, reading scripture and pondering the word anxiousness, I search the Bible verses for such and tagging along with that is fear and faith. The Bible is full of verses, instruction for each one of us, like He knew this would be a weak link. How about that!723C1619-8876-4851-871A-BF13E51379F9

I always thought I had a lot of faith and was optimistic in my life. Yes, there were many times I was not but I always tried my best. Knowing I have had to place my faith in God through the years, He was always there to calm my fears. I’d brush off the negative thoughts, fear and get back up.

Searching and knowing I have and had faith, I had to laugh and remember many of my counseling sessions. While I could put on a good face and encourage others always, being in counseling though, she would see and hear my fears, the anxiousness and cries not knowing what to do. I trusted her enough to let her see the good, bad and the ugly side of me that only the Lord would know of me.

Perhaps that thought was to pull me down, as the enemy would love for me to fall into a pit of despair during this time. Instead I continued on my quest to search the Word of God to increase my faith and decided to write to hopefully encourage you and increase your faith.

Bible Verse Adult Coloring Pages Printable Printables Mintreet New PrintableWhat is there to lose except sleepless nights and stress? Trust the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul. Dig your heals in and hold onto His Word. If you just pick one scripture that speaks to you and gives you hope. For many years, and still, the one that has kept me standing was that He would never leave me nor forsake me. With that, I knew I was never alone, even though I had my doubts at times but that was no surprise to Him. Knowing and saying many times, He knows my name and He knows where I am, was and still like my motto. The same is true for you, He knows your name and where you are. He will never leave you or forsake you. He loves YOU!

As we go about life in the days ahead of the uncertainty, whether it be with this virus affecting our daily routine and seeing the panic on faces all around us or in our everyday life once it all settles, just Trust Him.

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Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Isaiah 43:1 “Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.”

Luke 12:28-30  “But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them.”

The Good News: Let your mind be at ease, God’s love surrounds you.

God actually commands us not to fear, or worry. He knows the enemy uses fear to decrease our hope and limit our victories.  

https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/topical-studies/what-does-i-will-never-leave-you-nor-forsake-you-mean-in-the-bible.html

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