The Clouds

As a child, my best friend and I would take a break from playing and lay in the grass, looking at the clouds. Laughing and pointing to shapes we saw, trying to convince the other of what and where. See? I still remember this so clearly, fifty plus years later. Clouds are majestic in their own way. I still do this, seeing shapes and smiling.

Today, as I sat on my exit ramp going home, I look up at the clouds. This is a daily thing with me. They look so soft, knowing they are not soft at all. The shapes and uniqueness is mesmerizing.

Oftentimes though, I have sat in the car, on the same exit ramp, as life stops for a moment to reflect. Tears form of memories of grief flood my heart.

It was after my mom died in 1996, I would be in the same place thinking how beautiful the sky and clouds were from my standpoint but realizing the beauty my mom saw from her now heavenly standpoint.

The exit ramp was my quiet moment, waiting for the traffic light to turn, between work and home cooking supper for a hungry family back then. It was my period of grieving. Those moments still come and go, as today, I see the clouds and remember my mom.

Life. It’s how we see and deal with what is around us and the remarkable way we cope with loss. It’s okay to grieve, you must.

May the clouds you see in life be beautiful. The dark clouds come but don’t last. Look at the clouds and let your mind get lost and relax feeling peace within.

Psalm 147:8 He covers the heavens with clouds; he prepares rain for the earth; he makes grass grow on the hills

Job 35:5 Look at the heavens, and see; and behold the clouds, which are higher than you.

Throw Up My Hands

Ever been there? Just throw up your hands and walk away.

I have been there many times. Today, and lately, I revisit this place of frustration. Change is not easy and it makes no sense when the flow of productivity is challenged by a rule where the right hand does not know what the left hand is doing. Total confusion.

It is interesting and the ability to do what is requested is possible, but then there is a twist and a turn from authority. Do they even know?

As I gradually walk into my senior citizen age bracket, I have to wonder if it is my age or incapable of doing the work any longer. So far I have managed their requests and making a solution to our office but today a turn of events, which infuriates me.

I’m so close to retirement and today it cannot come soon enough. Tomorrow will be better. I guess. I hope.

We all have moments of wanting to throw our hands up and walk away. Surely, I’m not the only one.

I have hope.

I am blessed.

I will conquer this hurdle.

I will retire one day soon.

Isaiah 40:31 “But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”

Digging in the Ditches

I do not want to dig! I said, I do not want to dig in the ditches. It is too much.

As I scanned over my many writings, just the titles stir my emotions. How can I even go there without losing myself in the memories and feelings of those exact moments when things happened in my life and of my broken heart? I do not really know how to move past except to move through those times and put words in front of me as I feel and remember to share that you, too, can make it. Maybe it is for me to remember and to know where I have come from and what I went through to be right here at this right time, sharing my story.

A coach I had recently expressed all this as ‘digging in the ditches’ and so true, as it is digging through some bad, muddy times where I felt stuck. Throw me a lifeline please, I would cry out so many times under my breath, in my mind. Do you all not see I am struggling? Sadly, those words were on my mind while sitting on the church pew many times. I was invisible, I felt.

So, this is a start of my digging and thought I would test the waters. Unsure if I can dig tonight, as I write, but this is a start. How’s that?