The Bubble

Saturday was an experience that must end and end soon. This virus that is among all of us, nobody is exempt. Safety precautions all around us in many forms. Most adapting to the new normal right now and some throw caution to the wind. I am not here to debate but we are all dealing with a mess.

It has been three months since visiting with my sons and my daughter-in-law. Life gets busy along with the distance between our homes. Working with two in my office, one diagnosed with cancer and another having surgery, I felt I had to keep distant from many outside elements to protect them along with staying healthy myself while keeping our office moving. Limiting exposure but yet living. Is this living really? My oldest son and his wife are teachers. My youngest lives with others and the one tenant has had Corona parties at the house they are renting all together. The exposure increases and tracing would almost be impossible. My limitations of visiting and also them limiting exposure to visit is void.

Exception was on Saturday, as I had the opportunity to watch my grand-dog for the day. Upon dropping him off, no hug from my son. A general greeting and conversation. Distance of six feet was danced around like a bubble around him. Was he protecting himself or was he protecting his father and I. It was just an odd picture as I watched this all play out.

The dog was a treat to enjoy and change up the same old ordinary Saturday. Soon it was time to leave later that evening as the three of us sat in the living room, still distanced. No matter, it was a joy to hear and talk to my adult son.

Then it was time to leave. The bubble was so evident and like a brick wall. Standing at the car, by this time I would normally have had at least two hugs and one more for the road with I Love You echoing. Standing there, I did feel like he felt the loss of a hug, too. I’m his mom.

The emotions within and then the thoughts that he is afraid to hug me, protecting his mom. Although I am the same, wanting to protect him. The battle within and holding back from that embrace of my son. As he was walking further toward the car door, I said I miss your visits, the hugs and I just hate this. Hearing him say, ‘I know Mom.’ I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, I hate this virus. Enough!

Does he hear the words I Love You deep enough within him from his mom, repeated once again before leaving our driveway, as I walk back into my safe place, alone in my home.

My son was so close but yet so far away in the six feet distancing. This should not be between a mom and her child(ren). Perhaps the roles have already reversed, he/they are protecting and taking care of me.

That is a whole other blog, as this makes me feel old, just thinking of it.

As we all walk through this, I hope and I pray that our health remains strong through this pandemic. I hope and pray that also for you and your family/friends, too.

We will get through this!

What To Do

Have you ever just thrown up your hands and think or say, just forget it, I don’t know what to do? The anxiousness and sadness takes over and complete shutdown, in my case anyway.

Perhaps it is just this year that is more than enough for us all to handle. I know my home situation is part and has changed, something is not right. That gut feeling. So many things I need to do in order to tie up details. It will get done but I am overwhelmed. One good thing, years ago, I was at this crossroad of an issue that I had no ideal how to conquer. I repeatedly stated to my counselor, it was too big to conquer but I did it. So knowing I conquered that, I can conquer this also that is in front of me. I have hope, it’s in me even though hopelessness is, too.

Even with this Word Press blogging. I am debating whether to just stop, even though I enjoy. Well, until this last change in the update with the block editor. I find myself totally frustrated. It is not user friendly and takes longer than I desire to deal with. Bottom line, I hate change. So in this situation, I may or may not continue due to the update that I hate. I don’t know what to do with even this, although I know I will miss sharing my life that hopefully resonates with others.

With that and if you have been one to read my blogs, to mark a ‘like’ or commented, and a follower, please know I appreciate and thank you. I have used this as a test to see if anything I write is worth pursuing in another way, such as a book. A dream I have always had through the years.

What to do and in so many areas is, like I said, overwhelming. What I do know what to do is to Be Still and Trust the Lord. He is not deaf to my prayers. I know He collects my tears, a lot lately. I know He sees me and He knows my name and where I am, even when I feel lost.

This has been just a crazy year for all of us. Many are handling it and adapting and for the most part, I feel that I have done well. The loneliness I think we all feel to a point is hard. The lack of smiles hidden behind the masks, whether it be ours or another of those we pass by, as it is really hard to tell. The lack of socializing is lacking due to the social distancing. We will get through this.

Bottom line, when you or I don’t know what to do, you stand and wait upon The Lord.