Mom, Don’t Go There!

Those little boys of mine always fun and also a lot of work, but I would not have changed those moments together, unless to add more.

Where did the time go? Just yesterday….. as we have all said at some point. The kiddos were little and we were worn out. It seemed like high school took forever, but I remember that being my case also, when in school. The college years flew and they never returned home. An empty nest was an adjustment as the house was quiet and mom’s kitchen was clean. Oh, I miss those days at times with a house full of neighborhood kids hanging out, even the talking, laughter, odors and messes.

My boys grew up to be wonderful, adults and makes this mom so proud. The time in between visits is less than I prefer but I remember being young once. Life gets busy, we all work and they have their life to live. Still, it’s nice hanging out with our adult children.

The roles have reversed somewhat. This past weekend, I hung out with my boys as my youngest was moving. A move always will bring about a contact, “Hey mom, want to come down and help decorate my new place?” I knew that meant more than to decorate but off I went to help and spend time with them.

This day of moving was on his twenty-seventh birthday so that made it even better, for me. I’m sure he’d rather be hanging out with friends and drinking a beer but he was stuck with his mom and brother hauling boxes out of one place to another. It was all good, us three together, but exhausting.

The next day, him and I finished the last few hauls to the new place. Exhaustion was an understatement but we pushed through. It was when he was to go for a final walk through with the previous landlord but he sent his roommate and did not join, but his name was on the lease. I did not care for that. I made a comment about his name on the lease but knew to shut up.

This child of mine is twenty-seven, he is an adult. Whatever the reason to not go and finalize the closure is between him and the landlord. Not mom. Actually, it took pressure off me, as I have no control. He has and will make decisions I may or may not agree with but he knows he has to face consequences if a wrong decision or circumstance. I have seen him work through situations, not asking for help or a handout, which makes me proud. Sometimes, if he would just listen to his mom, it would be easier. Right?

On my hour drive home, I was thinking about the move, our conversations and knowing he is at a fork in the road with his business due to the pandemic. He is a true entrepreneur and will figure it out, he always does.

Driving and thinking back also on my young, single days, as he is, I made some stupid decisions and have regrets. We all have. It’s part of growing up and being mature and independent. The words, I wish I did, I wish I didn’t, if only I could go back, I regret, etc., those moments are done and over. Hopefully, through each circumstance, we all have learned a lesson. Some do and some don’t.

The independence of this adult son, both sons, continue to grow and mom is not needed as much. While I am proud of them, I find it sad. I see the tide turning, as I add their names to my emergency contacts. I seem to ask for their advice more and for help, if needed. I’m not a nursing home candidate yet but my stage in life is gaining ground.

As there is distance between us, it takes time to organize to visit, and the days pass so quickly. I often wonder if one day they will regret not calling or texting mom more or visiting, etc. I would say that is a rite of passage for all parents and children, which is sad. I want them to remember their mom as being their biggest cheerleader in life, that they never had to wonder if they were loved, I was always available 24/7, even for those 3:00 a.m. calls, as my youngest knew I would be there for him and to pray. Remembering our laughter of silly times together or knowing I would always help clean, catch up on their laundry, decorate and hang curtains that I hope to finish this weekend. I’m there for them, if they want or need me.

It’s probably a good thing we live an hour away. Mom has her place but not in their business. They are doing fine on their own. I am one proud mom.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Christmas as a child was such a fun, exciting time. No worries seemed to overwhelm me although I had many at times, too. It just seemed that the excitement of the twinkling lights, Christmas music, cold temperatures, snow and the expectation that Santa would visit our home with gifts, which would be such a surprise.

As I think back over my young life and the excitement I had then, I cannot help but smile. It was the time of the year that was all about me, because I was the youngest and I still believed in Santa. My mind would wander as my dad would drive a car load of kids and adults down to the bakery that was many miles away and he would always take the longest route so we could see all the Christmas lights, so he said. Of course, as I grew up I learned it was to give my mom and those left behind time to set up the presents to make the excitement so much more for me and of my nieces and nephews, as our ages were quite close. I remember asking questions, how did Santa do that? All the questions that young kids ask that seem none ending. The stories that he came early as he had other homes to visit, I fell for all of their lies. Still, I laugh and smile because I was all into it. There was a joy within me.

The thought of the bakery was one of my favorite places to go, not just because the donuts were so good and they were, but to go in the back door and watch them make the donuts, after hours. To just get lost in the aroma and the thought of how it all worked behind the scenes before they popped the donuts in the showcase counter. I just found it fascinating to watch and still to this day, I like to see how things are done, no matter whether it be donuts to a big machine.

I still have memories of my sister telling me about this one man at the bakery and had me focus in on his hand. He was missing a finger or two. Yes they were missing and being the older sister, she was always one to cause me question those around me. It all makes sense now from the counseling sessions why I distrust people. Of course, it was all fun and games to her but in my mind, I took things way too serious and the donut man with a few missing fingers, were they cut off from all the machines they used. Of course, me thinking if…. they were in a donut. Oh, I could tell you stories she fed me growing up. Sisters!

Photo by Nicole Michalou on

This year as we all try to find the excitement of the Christmas season, it seems to take much more effort than before. It has been for me anyway but, of course, my age has something to do with it all, too. I still have yet to finish my Christmas tree, wrap gifts, etc., and tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I know it will all fall together, as it always does.

I think back and try to grasp the joy I had as a child and in some parts I do. My inner child is so desiring for some joy of the Christmas lights, snow and excitement that I have lost. Even though, my Christmas Eve or mornings as a child were fun while I believed. I have nice memories through the years of Christmas and especially with my boys. I always try to make it as exciting or more so for them and still to this day. I will do something fun and unexpected each year to cause laughter in our home. One year, I remember that I had a big box and multiple wrapped boxes inside with the gift in the smallest box. I can still remember my son opening up each box and looking at me. He loved it. This year is no different, but will be something different. One year, I tied socks individually with Christmas ribbon and stuffed them in an empty cardboard paper roll and wraped it so they would pull and pull and pull socks out. Those are some of my fun times. They know to expect something, knowing their mom will always have something up her sleeve. Yes, I do! This year is no exception.

What are your memories as a child that brings a smile to your face? What was your favorite Christmas? Did you have a gift or a toy that you loved? We all need to be reminded and know the joy within and of others, especially when things around us are not so joyous. This has been a rough year. We need to keep the joy alive and our hope that we are worth having fun and enjoying life, even in just the little things. No matter what age.

Free printable version of Luke 2 for your kids to memorize and color.
Twas the night before Christmas Printable  16 x 20 image 0
Christmas Songs for Kids - Preschool Inspirations

The Bubble

Saturday was an experience that must end and end soon. This virus that is among all of us, nobody is exempt. Safety precautions all around us in many forms. Most adapting to the new normal right now and some throw caution to the wind. I am not here to debate but we are all dealing with a mess.

It has been three months since visiting with my sons and my daughter-in-law. Life gets busy along with the distance between our homes. Working with two in my office, one diagnosed with cancer and another having surgery, I felt I had to keep distant from many outside elements to protect them along with staying healthy myself while keeping our office moving. Limiting exposure but yet living. Is this living really? My oldest son and his wife are teachers. My youngest lives with others and the one tenant has had Corona parties at the house they are renting all together. The exposure increases and tracing would almost be impossible. My limitations of visiting and also them limiting exposure to visit is void.

Exception was on Saturday, as I had the opportunity to watch my grand-dog for the day. Upon dropping him off, no hug from my son. A general greeting and conversation. Distance of six feet was danced around like a bubble around him. Was he protecting himself or was he protecting his father and I. It was just an odd picture as I watched this all play out.

The dog was a treat to enjoy and change up the same old ordinary Saturday. Soon it was time to leave later that evening as the three of us sat in the living room, still distanced. No matter, it was a joy to hear and talk to my adult son.

Then it was time to leave. The bubble was so evident and like a brick wall. Standing at the car, by this time I would normally have had at least two hugs and one more for the road with I Love You echoing. Standing there, I did feel like he felt the loss of a hug, too. I’m his mom.

The emotions within and then the thoughts that he is afraid to hug me, protecting his mom. Although I am the same, wanting to protect him. The battle within and holding back from that embrace of my son. As he was walking further toward the car door, I said I miss your visits, the hugs and I just hate this. Hearing him say, ‘I know Mom.’ I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, I hate this virus. Enough!

Does he hear the words I Love You deep enough within him from his mom, repeated once again before leaving our driveway, as I walk back into my safe place, alone in my home.

My son was so close but yet so far away in the six feet distancing. This should not be between a mom and her child(ren). Perhaps the roles have already reversed, he/they are protecting and taking care of me.

That is a whole other blog, as this makes me feel old, just thinking of it.

As we all walk through this, I hope and I pray that our health remains strong through this pandemic. I hope and pray that also for you and your family/friends, too.

We will get through this!