Mom, Don’t Go There!

Those little boys of mine always fun and also a lot of work, but I would not have changed those moments together, unless to add more.

Where did the time go? Just yesterday….. as we have all said at some point. The kiddos were little and we were worn out. It seemed like high school took forever, but I remember that being my case also, when in school. The college years flew and they never returned home. An empty nest was an adjustment as the house was quiet and mom’s kitchen was clean. Oh, I miss those days at times with a house full of neighborhood kids hanging out, even the talking, laughter, odors and messes.

My boys grew up to be wonderful, adults and makes this mom so proud. The time in between visits is less than I prefer but I remember being young once. Life gets busy, we all work and they have their life to live. Still, it’s nice hanging out with our adult children.

The roles have reversed somewhat. This past weekend, I hung out with my boys as my youngest was moving. A move always will bring about a contact, “Hey mom, want to come down and help decorate my new place?” I knew that meant more than to decorate but off I went to help and spend time with them.

This day of moving was on his twenty-seventh birthday so that made it even better, for me. I’m sure he’d rather be hanging out with friends and drinking a beer but he was stuck with his mom and brother hauling boxes out of one place to another. It was all good, us three together, but exhausting.

The next day, him and I finished the last few hauls to the new place. Exhaustion was an understatement but we pushed through. It was when he was to go for a final walk through with the previous landlord but he sent his roommate and did not join, but his name was on the lease. I did not care for that. I made a comment about his name on the lease but knew to shut up.

This child of mine is twenty-seven, he is an adult. Whatever the reason to not go and finalize the closure is between him and the landlord. Not mom. Actually, it took pressure off me, as I have no control. He has and will make decisions I may or may not agree with but he knows he has to face consequences if a wrong decision or circumstance. I have seen him work through situations, not asking for help or a handout, which makes me proud. Sometimes, if he would just listen to his mom, it would be easier. Right?

On my hour drive home, I was thinking about the move, our conversations and knowing he is at a fork in the road with his business due to the pandemic. He is a true entrepreneur and will figure it out, he always does.

Driving and thinking back also on my young, single days, as he is, I made some stupid decisions and have regrets. We all have. It’s part of growing up and being mature and independent. The words, I wish I did, I wish I didn’t, if only I could go back, I regret, etc., those moments are done and over. Hopefully, through each circumstance, we all have learned a lesson. Some do and some don’t.

The independence of this adult son, both sons, continue to grow and mom is not needed as much. While I am proud of them, I find it sad. I see the tide turning, as I add their names to my emergency contacts. I seem to ask for their advice more and for help, if needed. I’m not a nursing home candidate yet but my stage in life is gaining ground.

As there is distance between us, it takes time to organize to visit, and the days pass so quickly. I often wonder if one day they will regret not calling or texting mom more or visiting, etc. I would say that is a rite of passage for all parents and children, which is sad. I want them to remember their mom as being their biggest cheerleader in life, that they never had to wonder if they were loved, I was always available 24/7, even for those 3:00 a.m. calls, as my youngest knew I would be there for him and to pray. Remembering our laughter of silly times together or knowing I would always help clean, catch up on their laundry, decorate and hang curtains that I hope to finish this weekend. I’m there for them, if they want or need me.