Happily Ever After… Maybe?

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A few years back I was asked if I thought all marriages were good ones, since I did not have one. I do try to look for the good and do try to think positive of marriages, as such, and of life. Although I am not in denial, there are many marriages struggling, as I know of many. Otherwise, it is not my business so unless you tell me or I see signs, I want to believe and wish the best for the couple(s), as in her own marriage.C1DE24B7-FA8F-46A9-A67F-050BD60EDFFF

The tone in the way she asked her question to me, I had to think that this hit a nerve and perhaps things were a little dicey at home. I don’t know and again, it was none of my business. I knew she would not tell me anyway but her comment and tone did raise my eyebrow and make me hesitate and to wonder.

0BB61D78-4519-4D5E-B1AF-C8894AEC6E87Today, I talked with a friend about his month-long stay in Florida with his wife and how much fun they had together. They have been married a good forty-five years, maybe longer, which is pretty cool. He mentioned that on their drive back home, a long twelve-hour drive, they stopped several times, of course, but he said they sang a lot. How sweet, I thought. I just love this couple and to see them enjoying retirement together. Do I know they get frustrated with one another? Yes. Normal. Still, he calls her Honey and tells her he loves her and they seem so 9D65F1B6-A2B7-45A8-B702-62EB1F741048sweet together. I love that in them and so wish I had that. So I do think the good of them and in most couples.

As he told me of their singing, thinking of their marriage, I had to stop and wonder just what that would be like. I don’t want to be jealous or envious of his or other relationships, but I do desire to have such a sweet, caring, loving and fun relationship. Normal. Any woman or man would want this to share their life with together.

Happily ever after is not a fairy tale—it’s a choice.
Fawn Weaver

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Sometimes as I sit in restaurants, I look around and watch couples. Perhaps observing others just like mine, helping me to feel not so alone in this situation and the hopelessness felt. Maybe getting lost in their time together in order to forget mine.DB8B8D81-5662-421B-A79F-A42FE023733F

It takes two to make the marriage work. When one is doing all the work, it is easy to give up after awhile. When the emotional connection is lost, it causes a sad, lonely existence in the relationship. Usually at this point, one or the other is just done.

AB314B86-A177-4DC3-9EC1-F71CD415B396Depending upon the circumstances, there could still be hope in making it all work and enjoying life together.

Marriage is to be with your best friend and enjoy life in all areas of life. Knowing full well that frustrations come, disappointments, etc., but if the two work together, they can walk hand in hand together no matter what comes their way.

So yes, I do think positive of marriage relationships and feel they do exist, which brings happiness. I have hope.

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Norma Jean

17F6EAA8-D249-4619-AE6C-269AC42D6CA3Last week was the last straw. My emotions had been on overload due to my training and basically stuffing the emotional turmoil within while on the job. No doubt we have all had to do this at times, otherwise we might get fired. It is hard to maintain a smile when tears are on the verge of breaking lose but you do what you have to do and I had to just that.

Discussing my training and what I endured with the co-workers, their moods, attitudes, etc., with my oldest sister on Messenger one evening, I felt rejected to the core.3F26103C-9C54-4B51-A860-4378850BF8DA

Not only did I feel rejection while training, my own sister did the same with me, I felt. I love her and we are closer than I am with my other siblings. I believe I will need to discuss with her of how this affected me. My sister is very involved at her church and there is an older woman that contacts her daily, if not more, which is fine. I am glad my sister is there for this woman and vice-versa. What is not fine is that over and over again when we are talking or messaging one another, if Norma Jean calls, she 2982E916-AEB2-4CB9-AE79-729854D8820Dimmediately says she needs to go, leaving me hanging.  I hate that. If I am in a middle of a message to her and this happens, I just go ahead and delete my message of whatever was on my mind, thinking what’s the use.  Typical of me as I have experienced this many times in life. What is the use, is usually my thought so I backoff, as this person or another just proved to me that I am not important to them.

41736280-3776-4A78-8F90-C7CC863CE47EWhile her rush to end our conversation has bothered me more than once but last week, more so. It triggered the rejection within me and I just cried, as again my emotions were raw.  I needed my sister. All I wrote was “goodbye.” No emojis or anything like normal. I needed her to hear me or read my woes and encourage me, which was non-existent. Norma Jean was more important, I felt. While I do know that is not one-hundred percent true, it sure felt like it.

Until afterward, I knew this has always bothered me but to add and feel the rejection, it made sense. It brought up rejection of her lack of interest in me, my training which was terrible with those employed and back to my childhood. To acknowledge and realize what was happening, it can bring a healing by being aware of it so it does not trigger the alarms within to make matters worse. This has been discussed numerous times in counseling and in my session the other night, it became more evident as tears poured from my eyes, the ugly cry, and realizing of past rejection, as I could not handle anymore.

While I do not want to cause an issue with my sister, I do plan to request that she talk to Norma Jean first and then message me due to the feeling of being rejected. Knowing ahead of time that she may not understand fully or may think I am being too sensitive or whatever, I have my boundaries and that is taking care of me.

F43B9C6F-EC66-48C5-BA63-97C03BF606A4Rejection after awhile builds a wall within relationships. It would be easy for me to just pull away from my sister and not say anything. This would prevent that I do not get hurt again but that’s not good.  If I did just that, as I have done in my past avoiding conflict, that is not fair to her, not knowing why.  I know I can politely express and request that she talk to Norma Jean first and then we can have our time of conversing and remain close since we live hours 21183E9E-DF51-474D-846C-431ABE842705away from one another, which is what I know we both would want. Plus, it is not fair for me to remain getting frustrated with her and Norma Jean. Neither of us are getting younger.

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