I Don’t Care!

Well, I do but not as much.2AD3C654-55F5-45B9-BAB1-6586A33A6257

Always I would watch and listen to people and they have their opinions, thoughts or no filter on what was said. They could care less what you thought or what I thought, giving no time to share. Often, I would wonder or want that and question how do they do that, what gives?

My husband was one. Early on in our relationship, he said he did not care what others thought. Proved to be true.

While at times this would be a nice quality, I am glad that I am somewhat quiet and reserved. What is said, is said and cannot be taken back. A few words can destroy a relationship forever. I know that to be fact. Forgiveness is required but the heart will never heal.

Thinking of what I just did for me, I had to come to the conclusion that I don’t care. I am trying to take care of me. I am not a small, petite older woman. I am tall and have a large bone structure and there is nothing wrong with that.

Over the extent of my marriage, a not so happy one, but through the emotional garbage and emotional eating, I gained over one-hundred and fifteen pounds. Not good.

3C4E3597-6B07-4E85-8E34-06C6C41BD9CDThe good news is that I have lost eighty-five of it. Yay me! I am at the weight before having my second child. I walk a lot, watch my food intake and guzzle water often. I am trying. I have been in counseling the last five years to tend to my wellbeing in all areas. This endeavor has not been easy and at times, cookies and milk would sure solve all of my problems, which is not true, of course.

Walking has helped me with stress and anxiety. I found that to be very helpful after counseling sessions a year or so ago, after meeting with my former counselor. As much as I love and miss her, she could really hit some buttons. No regrets.

Anyway, walking is boring especially if I am by myself, although I have my earbuds in listening to either Christian music or podcasts, all to help and encourage me. I need to move so I bought myself a nice bike. 20C42D68-4A3B-498A-8404-3037C58C4AAB

I haven’t had a bike for years and never felt comfortable riding when I did due to my weight and spread of my hips swallowing the seat.  The thought of what others thought riding behind me whether they be walking, riding, or driving is somewhat unnerving to me and my desire to quit and hide has haunted me.  A life-long fear of my thoughts of what others see, think or say.

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That is where I don’t care or at least try to not care.  I need to switch it up from walking and I chose this.  My riding until I get my bearings and hard nosed will go forth.  How else do I or any other heavyweight person lose the weight and seek self-care, if not getting out there to try and not care.

Some people are just rude.  No doubt there is not one person that does not want an area or more different on their body.  We all have insecurities.

This past year I have shrugged my shoulders up so much as to the I don’t care attitude and I like it.  As my mother used to say, sweep around your door.

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I am taking care of me, I recommend you do the same.  It has taken me way too long, many counseling sessions and prayers to get to this point.  I have fought to get to this point. The Lord has more in store for me, for you and each one of us before we die.  Let’s make the most of it.

So, shrug those shoulders and say, I don’t care.

Quotes

  • “The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think.”
  • “One of the greatest mental freedoms is truly not caring what anyone else thinks of you.”
  • “What God knows about me is more important than what others think about me.”
  • “Until we care more about what God thinks than what other people think we are never truly free.” Christine Caine
  • “You are not what others think you are. You are what God knows you are.”

https://biblereasons.com/caring-what-others-think/

Sunny Side of 60

5840BA30-3C3A-487C-95AE-5ECB4074C002Recently, when having a discussion with an older gentleman, we were discussing life and how he wanted to fulfill many things before he dies.  Knowing my age, he said I was on the sunny side of sixty, which I thought was funny.  Sunny.  Sixty.  That number!

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Sunny side I get, but this sixty number is affecting me the closer I get. How did this happen so quickly?  I, too, have things I want to do as he does before the grave.  I was twenty one day, then forty and now on the sunny side.

019413E8-ECC8-44E4-9DB1-4EE2DE46C9EDNo doubt many of you have felt the same through the years or as the birthday candles increase.

While life has not been too bad, many rough patches came and not to forget the many blessings.  Life.

7D696DB1-F04C-471A-A8FB-E13C3DC61CCCThankfully, I feel more alive physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually today than I did almost five years ago.  It has not been easy going to counseling and opening up and dealing with areas of life and those rough patches.  It has been healing though while understanding the whys, questions, and uncertainties as I had to trust my counselor and moreso God.

D2005A85-4FAB-43B7-9B80-F41739348ECCI do not know what the other side of sixty looks like for me but I’ll be aiming for the sweet side of seventy and will be laughing and having fun along the way.

Lets make the most of our time left here on earth and be a blessing to others.  Remember…

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Lost Love?

 

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The other day, I got off the telephone at the office with an attorney about a case but ended up talking about our families, etc.  Knowing he has small children and having a busy law office covering many counties in this area, we got on the subject of taking time to breathe but also making sure his wife, the mother of his children is taken care of, too.  In his honesty and regrets, saying he has failed in this area while building his law firm.
I find it funny how many people and professionals such as this attorney will call into our office and this happens.  Perhaps they just need encouragement and the Lord is allowing me to do just that, which I like doing.
I know from experience that mothers lose themselves as they tend to the children, the school work, the groceries, cooking, housekeeping and you can AF45D6F0-AAB1-42D1-BBA8-E70BFCC8B7B9name a lot more I am sure, too.  They go and go and give and give and soon they are bankrupt, nothing to give at all  As the children grow and become more independent, it gets somewhat easier but then worry sets in moreso as they are driving and making decisions, etc.
B1069B56-9333-4128-A77F-96A5ECC798E6Just with this nice man who has been great to deal with in our business relationship to where we can talk about our families and such matters, I encouraged him that he needs to dote on his wife more.  It is time to take date nights that have fallen by the wayside.  Take the children to a family member or friend and maybe trade off times with other couples to do the same.  Anything!  Make it happen. A Google search has all kinds of ideas, from no cost dates to very fancy and expensive.
From experience, I was the one who made all the plans and did not want to bother anyone to watch the children or money was tight or whatever excuse and our marriage was hindered.  The kids left for college and we are left looking at each other like strangers.  The status of, I do not know you anymore and I am too tired to care to know you.  No interest was shown and now no interest to try on either side.
I have heard this over and over of how couples will lose themselves.  The wives with the children and tending to the home, etc., while the husbands are working and involved with sports.  Both are great things and necessary to do but if you forget each other during the process, what good is it.  One night a month, take those kids to a sitter or hire one and go out, if just for dinner. Your marriage relationship is worth it.
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Life is hard and pulls each one many ways but you must, whether you are the wife or the husband, pull yourself back in and grab the other one, keep the relationship real and alive between you both.  It’s not just about sex, it is time together.  Too late for me right now and others in the same boat but maybe not for you and your marriage.
If you have advice or tips on how to make marriages, especially with children better, please comment so others can read and get ideas.
To love and to cherish.
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Knock, Knock

998E1F4C-1650-4780-A4C0-D4A9A20C7193Do you ever daydream about, perhaps winning the lottery and what you would do with the millions of dollars?  Sometimes, I do and no doubt you do, too. It is just fun.

My other daydream I have is that one day somebody will come and knock on my door, offering to buy my house and property.   Of course, the dollar amount would need to be just right.  Would I?  Yes!  Enough money and I’ll be out next week.0AE6E12E-4E5F-4593-A5F2-61A88272D4AC

Crazy enough, I know of a family that had this happen. Actually, if there was a house I loved and knew I could afford, etc., I would knock on their door and offer my price for the family to sell and leave.  Perhaps if I won the lottery, if only I played and won, I could do that.  Again, just fun. Daydreaming at its finest.

7168C60E-AA8F-4FEA-B353-54549ED27767Yesterday, being April Fool’s Day, I sent pictures of a small, cute house, and several rooms inside, all coordinated that fits the character of the outside and of my personality to my sister with, ‘Look what I did!’  With Google, you can do anything.  The dreaming came alive even more.

I love my house but being an empty nester, I don’t want or need all this space.  The yard is bigger than I want and even for my husband nowadays as age is creeping up on both of us.

So to dream, the escape of what is or of what could be is my happy place. 😎