I’m Fine!

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If you have never dealt with depression, be thankful. If someone near you is battling with it, do not tell them to ‘snap out of it’ as it only makes it worse. Be patient, be a friend.  If you are, be kind to yourself.

I have dealt with bouts of depression in life. Many of you reading this may be or may have been or may know of someone in your life that is depressed.

I know what it is like to have each thought in the pic.
I have said, “I’m Fine” way too many times.62E5C4A9-D1C7-4AAD-A78B-C704D55FCB4C
I know what it is like to wear a smile when I just wanted to crumble.
I know what it is like to sit in church and nobody realizes the despair I am in.
I know what it is like to want to sleep forever and hope I never wake up.

Thankfully, I knew when it was time to get help.
Having a Counselor, a true Christian Counselor, to talk to has helped me, one that prayed with me at times and I believe for me.

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I know, too, “IT’S OK” to have a Counselor and to not feel I have a lack of faith or feel further condemnation.
I know to journal my thoughts and feelings and to work through them.  I recommend.
Most importantly, I know to read/study my Bible, trust God and to pray.  I totally recommend.

If this all hits home, please KNOW…. God knows your name, He knows where you are, He sees each tear that falls, and He knows the heartache within that you cannot explain. When I understood just that and grabbed hold of it, repeated as necessary, I felt encouraged.

He absolutely loves me (YOU). He cares. ❤️

Take one day at a time and when that is too much, take one hour at a time.

Did I feel like praying or praising the Lord through the depression? No!! Actually, I felt worse as the lies from the enemy were bombarding my mind of unworthiness, etc.

Encourage yourself in the Lord, even if it is just a word (Jesus) or a whisper (I need you Lord Jesus).

Work through this, don’t give up.
Find a Counselor or a trusted friend to confide in.
Trust the Lord. Draw close to Him.

When others let you down, and they will, there is only ONE that you can trust and depend upon.

May YOU be ENCOURAGED!!

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the  of my head.  Psalm 3:3

https://www.openbible.info/topics/depression

Info on the photo: esyla designs/Pinterest
“the idea is that everyone has their own battles they face. they say that the biggest lie people say is when they respond “i’m fine” or “i’m tired”. i guess i just wanted to bring this to light or something, because i know so many people who hide things behind their smile.”

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Door Cross

CE69C75F-8B2E-4FA2-BA56-0C85BED77017A few weeks ago, while staying in a rented condo on vacation, it takes me a bit to get acclimated to the surroundings and sounds.  While it was great to meet up with a friend so we could shop for several days, the night comes.  I’m in the back bedroom and she is in the front bedroom near the outside door. I knew she went to bed and as I am lyingB99771D0-F3C1-415E-A9B0-600053AA27CA there in mine, I hear a screeching of a door.  I look through the crack of my door to see if it was the front, outside door, while a panic within me freezes not knowing the what if.  What if it is the door opening and somebody will enter.  Fear.

C928FB39-DD2B-42A5-9321-28FD31894D26As I look and try to talk through this situation, I look at the bedroom door and am reminded that there is a cross on the door.  Trust Me.  Once I realized we were in no danger, the deadbolt was on anyway, I remembered yet again how many times since a child that I have looked at the doors in our home and the Cross.  Peace.

The Cross will bring peace to a troubled soul and with 56CA94C0-0E62-441C-930C-77742D712D95fear as it has done all of my life.  I love that the six-paneled doors, I see a Cross.  I was telling my friend of the screeching sound and my panic mode.  She had never noticed the Cross before.  Bet she does now.  You, too. (Cross and Bible)

As a child, I did not know God but knew enough to recognize the Cross and trust that He had His Hands upon my life.

I need Him in all areas of my life.  We all do!

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Motive?

241E8FA8-4FBC-459D-8F1E-9BB8547D1F1AThis morning while walking early, as I do often and watch the sun rise over the tree tops feeling the crisp, cool air while I start my day, I often think and pray.  Many days, I meet a friend and we walk together.  As I was rounding the corner, hitting my first-mile marker, the thought and question came to me as to what is my motive in doing this.  Where did that come from, I thought?  Lord, what are you asking me with this question so I pondered it as I continued on walking.6F48B83F-91C5-43FA-8FC4-A33CFE19677A

Of course, I have a goal in walking to be more physically active, which is so not me until last year but now has become an addiction almost.  I have a goal to run, well walk, my first 5K marathon in August and like most of us we walk to lose weight.  I am finally at a place in my life, I want better.  I want to be better and I want to feel better.  That is one heck of a goal, if I say so myself.

Still the motive.  I knew right away what it was, although my goals mentioned are good ones.  The motive I desire was to be told by this one person that I miss but that they are proud of me.  Perhaps one day, I will get the opportunity to see and talk to her once again, which is my former counselor.657C2074-0187-4B8C-BBE4-C61EA53BDF6F

This is typical of me to feel this, the little girl inside me, as I have had all my life with what you would call mentors (or mother figures) in my life.  We all want others to be pleased with our performance.  Plus, I am a poster child for CEN (childhood emotional neglect), I feel and I might as well throw in abandonment.

C73ED28A-4ADD-4423-B712-2AB5E5FD062FAs a child from a home that you just existed in with no real emotional support or touch, you (or I did) tend to reach out to anyone that will give that need, that mothering, direction, understanding, etc.  It was my coping skills all through life of grasping love and attention.  Now recognizing since being in her counseling sessions week after week, year after year, how could I not want her to be proud of me.  I have spent more one-on-one time with her (well over 200 hours) than I have anyone, whether that be my own mother, siblings, or any family/friends to really know me.

I thank God for her and helping me understand myself after years of questioning what was wrong with me.

While now I understand my motive and goal in my walking, desiring her approval and being proud, but I will continue with or without it.  This has been a major change in my life, as well as other areas, and I am moving forward.

Perhaps, just that question while walking, “What is your motive?” was to be reminded that I am worthy and proud of myself.  Forever thankful to be where I am at this time in my life.

The Lord will place the right people in your path to get you to where you need to be.  You are worthy!  Trust Him.

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Dangling

B3FB919E-FF34-41CA-8ACC-E34E35CBA3CEJust sharing my life and present situation, as I try to adjust from one counselor of four years to another. I have to remember and remind myself that they are not the same.

I find it funny now that I often got irritated with my former counselor if the previous week’s session was not touched upon again. Let’s pick up where we left off at please, as I was still dealing with the thoughts and issues from the previous week. Most of the time, we did or she realized and understood the chaos it caused me, if not. Other times, we would cover many areas and panic came as I held up my hand, fingers hanging down and moving; she knew and understood when I felt I was dangling. No doubt she found me irritating but she hung in there with me. Too many issues in front of me to deal with and the chaos would come to the forefront. Stop the dangling!A7F0E4A9-8DE5-4D12-9C04-A0ACA8464D8B

Now, as I am with a new counselor, rarely do we pick up from the previous week’s session. With that, I had to ask her some questions recently. Although, I knew her ways were and will be different, I get it. I have grown through this transition although it has not been easy but I am not going to remain stuck.

So what if we don’t pick up on last week’s topic. Part of me is even shocked with that comment although I/we carry on. Asking questions of the counselor helped me get a better understanding of her, how she manages my records, etc. That’s just me. I have to have order somewhere in my mind but coming to the final conclusion, she is there to help me and I know my records are secure. Let’s move on.

D9046ADA-B82D-4B95-8D6A-33B2E1D883A9As a client, we are allowed to ask questions. Also, prior to meeting with a new counselor, we should do our own due diligence and research of him/her. End result is to trust and go forward. Then the role is reversed, as the counselor asks many questions and gets to know us with our private, personal, deep-dark secrets and a relationship is built between a counselor-client of trust. 51F8BCD1-4F15-44DA-B8A7-C1BD08B7F593It’s pretty awesome, especially when you can open up and share. Healing begins within you.

I feel that it is to your best interest to make the most of counseling, the time between sessions, to do research, read and trust the Lord to bring healing. Isn’t that why you are in counseling anyway? It is not just the counselor’s responsibility, it’s yours, too.

Pray not only for yourself to receive the therapeutic guidance from the counselor but for your heart to be open to receive and your ears and mind to hear. Pray, too, for the counselor to be open for the Lord to speak to them for and to you. There just might be some WOW moments and light to a dark corner of your life, at times.

A3B1CAEF-F72F-485B-8DD8-D1EA9B453A5ECounseling is not easy. Depending upon what you both are dealing with in these sessions, it is downright hard. Many times with my prior counselor, I have wanted to get up and leave in the middle of a session, other times never come back but I did because I was determined to move forward.  It was no surprise to her, as we discussed those facts often. Thankfully, she was mean enough to put up with me and I appreciated and loved her more for that reason.

So now as my new counselor and I get more familiar with one another, trust deepens and healing continues. I am looking forward to what lies ahead and how our counselor-client relationship will develop and if she pushes me (my buttons) to be the best person I can be. I think she will.

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If you are considering a counselor, hopefully this will help give you a glimpse of my experience. It is worth taking care of YOU, you have to. Wish you the best! ML

Here I Am

76003392-CF8A-4321-A559-A3EBB9076D45Last night as I was walking, thinking about some issues in my life and praying, I could not help but continue to look up at the sky as I kept moving forward and admire the beauty of the clouds, sunset and the sunrays shining through. It was just beautiful and, of course, I had to stop and take a pic.

Sometimes in life we get overwhelmed with situations and issues and/or that we get so busy and forget to enjoy what is in front of us whether it is the sunset, friends/family or just a bee buzzing on a flower, etc.

I am sure you have heard the old saying, “Take one day at a time.” Someone told me a long time ago that when one day is too much, take one hour at a time. I do just that at times, I have had to.

Perhaps you are facing some situations or circumstances that seem out of reach for you. Do realize you will get through these periods of waiting, questioning why and even moments of anger.

While trusting the Lord and even questioning and even doubting Him, which is normal (Where are You?), He will give you the peace you need. Trust Him!

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Move!

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If you are not happy where you are, move!  You are not a tree. This quote is quite powerful, I thought.

I actually said this to someone the other night.

Maybe you feel stuck in a rut, as we sometimes get. I know I have. We all deal with circumstances that are unlike the next person so this covers many areas in our lives from our weight (start exercising), spiritual (read your Bible, worship, pray), health (eat better, drink water), employment, relationships, etc. The list can go on and on. This is just self-care and needed, it’s not selfish to take care of YOU.

Just start making small changes to help you be better and a happier person. It’s OK!

When you look at it, as in the tree, we are able to move and make changes so there is HOPE!

 

And I will always guide you and satisfy you with good things. I will keep you strong and well. You will be like a garden that has plenty of water, like a spring of water that never goes dry.” Isaiah 58:11 (GNT)

Sunny Side of 60

5840BA30-3C3A-487C-95AE-5ECB4074C002Recently, when having a discussion with an older gentleman, we were discussing life and how he wanted to fulfill many things before he dies.  Knowing my age, he said I was on the sunny side of sixty, which I thought was funny.  Sunny.  Sixty.  That number!

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Sunny side I get, but this sixty number is affecting me the closer I get. How did this happen so quickly?  I, too, have things I want to do as he does before the grave.  I was twenty one day, then forty and now on the sunny side.

019413E8-ECC8-44E4-9DB1-4EE2DE46C9EDNo doubt many of you have felt the same through the years or as the birthday candles increase.

While life has not been too bad, many rough patches came and not to forget the many blessings.  Life.

7D696DB1-F04C-471A-A8FB-E13C3DC61CCCThankfully, I feel more alive physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually today than I did almost five years ago.  It has not been easy going to counseling and opening up and dealing with areas of life and those rough patches.  It has been healing though while understanding the whys, questions, and uncertainties as I had to trust my counselor and moreso God.

D2005A85-4FAB-43B7-9B80-F41739348ECCI do not know what the other side of sixty looks like for me but I’ll be aiming for the sweet side of seventy and will be laughing and having fun along the way.

Lets make the most of our time left here on earth and be a blessing to others.  Remember…

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