Is every family dysfunctional? I just do not understand sometimes. A lady I work with said once to me and we laughed as it hit home, too, but said, ‘If you look up the word dysfunction in the dictionary, a picture of my family is there.’
Each of us are unique and each family. We all have hang ups and quirks. Life.
I have been recognizing and understanding my own life and family dynamics moreso the last several years while in counseling, has been eye opening.
Just over a month ago now, my older sister and I were on our way to see a movie, just to have some fun hanging out. On the way, something happened that would change things in my life. Disappointment and sadness gripped my soul.
I normally contain my emotions with her, as that is one of the shameful things within our family. We must be able to be strong and controlled. No crying or sign of weakness. I could not. I could not continue the outing so I took her back home so I could just fall apart of which I did.
Still to this day, no contact from her calling to check on me. I find that interesting and even hurtful but then again understanding that concept of being strong and controlled, which she maintains and that I must, too. Just the get over it mentality. I cannot do that. Plus, I don’t want that. There is a time and place to be strong and controlled in our emotions, such as work, but she could clearly see I was at a real breaking point emotionally in my life.
That situation, which was major to me, but nothing to her. No empathy. What devastated me so much, that situation was to disappear and no longer affect me. It goes under the rug, never to be remembered or spoken. That’s been my life. To marry a man with the same concept of emotions, too. I have hid my tears way too long. Interesting, after writing this, I ran into her at the grocery store today. Strangers as sisters.
I am not the same person I was walking into my counselor’s door many years ago and drawing closer to the Lord in my relationship with Him. Thank God.
It’s okay to have emotions and to not feel shameful for having them. It is okay to cry, sometimes cry like a baby. What is not okay is to dismiss the emotions whether in yourself or others.
Just a few Bible verses on crying. Most importantly, even Jesus wept:
“A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4).
“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).
“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry” (Psalm 34:15).
“When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled … Jesus wept” (John 11:33, 35).
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Revelation 21:4).
“Put my tears in Your bottle” (Psalm 56:8).
Knowing this is a childhood issue that seems to be on the verge of healing within me but still it just stops in a panic, as tears always begin rolling down my face. I cannot get past this point.
I do believe the Lord places people in our lives at the right time to get us through a path we are walking. As for the counselor, I was not ready for that to end. I felt abandoned. Still dealing with that but to rewire my mind and know it was necessary of this leave for her, I know she still cares and probably wonders how I am doing. I hope so, ant not forgotten.
Understanding and seeing this pattern also, I have people that mean a lot to me, as I am well liked and I am very personable. So I know it is possible.
Just Pondering... 