Dreams of Many

Dreaming and seeing those we love, those that are living and those that have died, are my favorite.

I have good, movie-like dreams, in color, conversations and they are just so real.

Waking up from such a dream is bittersweet. Let me continue with it is often my thought but most times my thoughts will dwell on the dream that day, oftentimes writing them down or sharing.

A glimpse of the passing one brings joy to see them healthy and happy.

Just the other night, I had one of my oldest brother, we are eighteen years apart, who had passed in 2010. It was just us talking and laughing together. A joyous time I never had before with him.

Reason being, his wife was the talker and never gave him much of an opportunity to talk. There is definitely more to this story, but I’ll enjoy the good.

I managed to see him in a different light, as they say. Remembering the dream throughout the day and still, it brings joy. I never had that opportunity or much of a brother-sister relationship before with him.

Even this morning, waking up and remembering my fun dreams of this or that, the conversations, laughter, or moments involved, I would have loved to continue on sleeping and dreaming.

Wake up! Remember. Giggle or smile, as the thoughts come to mind of the silly twists and turns is what I normally do.

Dreams are funny in how our subconscious mind takes us to and fro with others and places, past and present.

Do you dream? Do you remember them? Are they happy dreams?

Hello In A Dream

I look forward to sleep, as my dreams become almost real. I cannot imagine my life without dreams, seeing and understanding things and especially those I love. A brief instance of a conversation maybe, a few words or the embrace of a hug. I smile, I cry when I remember my dream and when so powerful, I write them down Today, I have done all that and to share. I don’t want to forget. I needed this visit, even if just in a dream.

“Hello. You look beautiful.” I said this to you. Your white hair and white blouse, you just glowed, as I saw you in my dream and we talked briefly. You leaned in to touch my arm with a smile, as in you missed me, too, and soon we hugged. It’s been such a long time. I do miss you.

It’s Us

It’s Us!

Not You, it’s You and Not Me, it’s Me. It’s Us.

This may not make sense to anyone but me. I have come a far distance and it feels good and feels right. Time does make a difference. Healing within and understanding of oneself is liberating. Is my life perfect and have it all together? Not a chance.

It is knowing I am not where I once was and I am still evolving.

One day, which is the next step, I will see my former therapist of four years. Her leaving due to medical reasons and not formally telling me, I was at a loss, her office sign is down and is no more, in 2018. My world was rocked off its axis.

Dealing with abandonment prior to her leave, then experiencing full-blown abandonment, as a true, full-blown assignment, my heart was broken. Anger ripped my insides up while tears flowed on the outside. The question I repeatedly said, was one word, WHY?

Of course, it was medical but why not personally touch base. This ‘why’ screamed within me for years.

It has since silenced. It’s not that important anymore. How is that? I still don’t know the why. There’s a peace and I like it.

Time does in fact heal. Forgiveness of the other but also of oneself is freedom, no matter what situation.

All the negative feelings and thoughts have subsided and it is kind of shocking. How will I react when we do meet while shopping or in public I often wonder.

It would be nice to see her and hug her. I’m forever thankful for our times together years ago but I want this to be a coming together somehow on the same ground level as friends. Not her as my therapist or me as her client. That is no more. It’s Us. Funny, I think she would understand this of me, as she was good like that.

That’s the next step, our running into each other. I would like that.

Again, Time!