While being alone at times can be helpful in order to get re-charged, spend time with God, which is all normal but other times it can be detrimental.
Years ago, after several family estate issues I tended to and lies were said about me to many, I begin to believe the hurtful lies and question my own worth. You can believe that the enemy took hold real quick. I avoided life itself, a prison within my own home and within myself. I was dying and actually that would have been a relief. Satan wants nothing more than to kill, steal and destroy. I knew that but no energy to fight.
I had a choice, to live or to die. I’m still here! It has not been easy and heartache and pain still hits. I know the ones that are still lying and saying things about me to those that will listen. I cannot control those situations. Some thrive on drama and such. Know them by their fruits, forgive and move on. The Lord said He would fight my battles. I have to trust Him.
Dealing with a situation recently, I wanted to crawl back into the dark pit of despair of isolation. To not trust anyone, feeling sadness, anger, depression, etc.
While I canceled one social event because of being emotionally overwhelmed, I had another event today. I came very close, a couple of times to do the same, but I pushed through.
I never want isolation to control me ever again causing rejection, inferiority and every other evil plot that Satan can throw at me.
I have worked too long and hard through the last four years to drop back down to the depths of despair.
Plus, I love the fact that even through this pull to remain within my four walls, the Lord has been gracious enough to open up His Word to me, reading various writings of exactly what I am dealing with, as if they were written just for me, which increased my faith and to remind me of His Love for me. That’s God.
Push through the lies, push through the despair within and draw close to the Lord. You may feel dead within and walking blindly. Through the anguish, if all you can say is Jesus, He understands you and He knows.
(Personalize the following)
He knows your (my) name.
He knows where you are (I am).
He loves you (me).
I knew one day that this was a possibility but never hoping it would. I had to pick up a prescription on our way and in just that short distance, the emotions within me could not be contained. Basically, a death has occurred in my life. Flip flop from sadness to anger and back again.
Still, after all of these weeks and months, I struggle in the area of grief missing my counselor in my life due to her medical leave of absence. After four years of almost weekly or bi-weekly sessions, my routine has been distrupted. Today, being Monday, I am still caught in the mix of missing my set appointment this afternoon and our fifty minutes or sometimes more of discussion. I miss talking to her.
Just Pondering... 