Here I am alone in my office and no desire to finish my work that can really wait until tomorrow, so I write for a bit. The quietness in the office space far from everyone in the building, hearing the HVAC motors on the roof above me makes me feel as I am on an airplane ready for take off. Anytime now, the flight attendant will be at my door offering up those yummy cookies. Hey, I can dream. Dream to take off in flight to somewhere exciting and yes those cookies. 
Tick tock tick tock, as I have two hours left to maintain this status until I can leave.
Even then, the boredom of life exists. I joined classes and get regular exercise but my energy level and joy is depleated, as I just fall into bed.
Depression, perhaps. Exhaustion, perhaps, Grief, perhaps. Loneliness, perhaps. Put those things and probably a few more it becomes overwhelming.
I know to keep moving and doing and not be isolated, but that comes so easy. Vacation time is nearing so hopefully that will help, to get away. A change of scenry, shopping and laughing with a dear friend although tears will fall, too. Just to get away from nothing here and probably nothing there to really gain but a brief change and there’s nothing to lose.
Oh Lord, I need you. I need your loving arms to hold me. Only You know me like no other. Give me strength to keep moving forward and be kind to others and to share your love and your mercy and grace. My focus needs to be on you, as you know my name and where I am when I do not even know myself.
On Sunday morning as I was getting ready for church in anticipation, as I truly love my late church service, I felt time was moving so slow. What was I doing so different than other mornings, as each time I looked at the clock, it only moved minutes from the last observance.
In all that, I found my memories, thoughts and emotions were being affected. My heart becoming heavy and fighting back tears due to grief felt. Aware of the sadness, as I found my seat, I tried to immerse myself in the worship once the music began. I tried and did but it was a battle.
It was then when I felt light hearted and a refreshing come over me. It was when I put my eyes, my thoughts and worship toward Him. I could feel joy.
There have been times in life, I have wanted to forget something that I did or happened because the thought either brought torment, insecurity, embarrassment, etc. No doubt, you also. Things happen in life.
Although the pain, as in my instance recently, I would like to forget in order to ease the pain, but in all honesty, I really do not want to forget. I just want to get through the pain and I will. Plus, I know that their life is woven into mine and always will be, and mine in theirs.
So many facets of my life are connected that I do not want to forget how they all came about. To toss them aside, to delete and block out all of the resources received, learned and love shown, it would be impossible. My life has been and was touched.
Just Pondering... 