Yes, it is just that, son up, son down; not sun up, sun down, in this writing.
As a parent of two adult sons, one is just like me when I was young and conflict is battling between us, at times, as we are both headstrong. I have made my mistakes, and still do, but I have learned many things through the years. I know within myself I am trying to prevent some heartache for him but knowing also I cannot. He must walk this road himself and experience life, good or bad. It is not to say that my heart does not ache in the process to know and to watch him fumble in areas. Would he listen to me anyway? No. I wouldn’t at his age so I understand but it is so hard.
Being a mother, the best role ever and I feel blessed to have this opportunity in life with my sons but sometimes it is the hardest role in life. Sometimes, well many, many times, I am so proud and at times just wanting to throw my hands up in exhaustion but still remain faithful to my child(ren) in love but not enabling; having a balance with each personality, etc. My heart screams out at times, Lord, I do not know what to do or how to help.
Turning our fear and brokenness over to God is all that we can do. He knows my son(s) better than I do. Of course, He does but that’s my son in our selfish thinking and no doubt He just smiles knowing my child, you also are mine, reminding me I am His. I know your concern, worries and I see your tears over your child at this time. Trust Me! In that, I have to let go and Trust Him.
Letting go and letting them stretch their wings but wanting to hold on is so hard. I have given them both space to grow, think independently, make decisions, etc., and they have done well, but I am their mom, I need to step in to help. Right? Again, No!
I read this comment from a mother to another and how perfect. “Your parenting in the flesh is over.” “It’s time to parent him in the Spirit. Pray for your son(s) and/or daughter(s) and trust God to do what you cannot do — and He will.” Just with that, the love I know of the Lord and has for each one of us releases me to trust Him. I do not need to fret and have sleepless nights and worry. I, of course, will always love, care and pray for my children. Yes, the worry and concern will pop back into the picture at times, yet to be reminded of this very wise advice, brings faith in knowing God can take care of our child(ren). To think, He does not need our help. That’s God!
In knowing that my son has dealt with some depression this past year has made this task a wavering one from fear to faith and back again. My son is up but sometimes my son is down. Aren’t we all like that at times? As a mother, we do not want to see the down, depressive side but at least he is open with me and I can discern the ups and downs. No matter, son up or son down, I will love and support him from sun up to sun down every day of my life, hoping he will know after my death that his mother loved him.
“Respect your adult children’s need to make their own way, to grapple with the issues, morals, and cultural complexities of their generation. Give them space to learn and grow just as you did.”
I had put this off for a year for one reason or another. I took the class last Fall and did well but surmised it was to keep my mind busy due to a loss in my life and to keep focused. I was okay with that. While I tried to decline from doing the clinicals this time around, the instructor was very convincing to finish and it was apparent in other ways, that I should also. I did.
Weeks before when contemplating this endeavor, I had a dream of my Pastor coming to me in a congregation of people. He took my hands and said, “You know He is with you.” Just that, gave me peace and something to hold onto through this ordeal. It was when I awoke and reading my Bible, that I just so happen to open up, Isaiah 41:10, which was when I knew I was to go forward. ( See ‘Terrified with Faith‘) Did I want to? No. I repeated those words often, read that scripture before I entered the door each morning and prayed.
I definitely remember being just that… young and stupid. A lot of things could be said, but I got through and learned some major lessons, some the hard way. So I try to remember my youth and the rebelliousness and my ways when listening to my son with his thoughts and plans recently.
within, while trying my best to remain calm, was when I withdrew my retirement.
One day, the roles will be reversed by them taking care of me and making decisions on my behalf and odds are, I will not listen to them or be happy with some decisions made or worse. Guess I better keep my mouth shut now.
Just Pondering... 