The Way

1DFD2EC3-6A6E-488D-9C5F-24EB36D0681AAgain, just to get away from the news and the numbers, I thought I would share a part of my life, if just for me. What’s your story? 

Growing up, I was not raised in a Christian home whereby prayer and church was present in our lives. We were always told that we could make our own decision about God and if we wanted to go to church, then go. Very odd, isn’t it? My parents were raised to go to church and they hated it.  My maternal grandfather and great-grandfather were both Baptist preachers. I always found my grandfather interesting to see and listen to when we would visit, which was not often due to distance. My dad’s father was a deacon. Church was not a choice for them.89D4587D-3480-474E-B4F7-6B58CC57867D

In our large family, with me being the youngest, it was almost like being the only child due to being seven years between my sister and I. Oftentimes I was just be present and I heard a lot and have seen a lot. I would sit out of the way and be quiet. It was nothing to hear laughter, jokes and things little girls should not hear. I can still hear the clanking of beer bottles from the big brown beer case as they came in the house, of which I heard often. Oftentimes I was a delivery person when told to go get me a beer, and I did. 

Even though I was not raised to worship and pray, I always felt a drawing and as a young child I knew there was a God.  Perhaps with me going to Vacation Bible School each summer with the family nearby, I heard enough that I was convinced there was a God even though I did not go to the altar to proclaim salvation, I knew enough to have faith, as a child880BBAEA-674D-444C-B3DF-9C0A6AEB8503

Growing up the way I did though, I assumed that is life. You work, you drink, and repeat daily and on the weekend you drink more. Had it not been for my shorthand teacher in my senior year to ask the class what our plans were after graduation, I would have been stuck in that mode as the rest of them for years, if not still.

College was not as prevalent back then so we each pretty much shrugged our shoulders. It was a small class, as there was not much interest in shorthand but I loved it and still use. With our blank look back at her and having no idea what our futures held, she took the three of us to the vocational school and my friend and I signed up for the business and office class.

Looking back, just with her bold move to do this with me and my friend, it would have got her in a lot of problems, if today. We both took her advice, did what she said, completed the class and enjoyed it.

A7444428-9223-47B9-97BC-18B5B2CE22BEI love to look back over my life and see the Hand of God in each step in how He orchestrated it all and even still. He does have a plan and a purpose for each of us. He will get us to where we are to be. We might cause detours along the way, but He will pick us back up and get us back on track.

I met a lot people in class from all walks of life, but I met this one girl that was on her way out to start a career but enough time to build a friendship. When it was my time to leave after completion, I had my first real job. At this office, I got to know many but usually there is always one you gravitate to and become not only co-workers but friends. To find out, she was related to the girl in class, they were cousins so now I am friends with both.

My co-worker and I became good friends. After a bit, I found out her father was a Baptist preacher so I started attending their church. Many times being in their home staying over, as friends do, I watched what a normal family was like. No beer, no alcohol, no dirty jokes or cuss words. The complete opposite of mine and I liked it.

Still as life went forward, I was saved. My heart was beating so fast and I knew it was the time to go to the altar. As I write, I laugh with tears falling in seeing this all played out like a movie, in my mind. I laugh because when I am at the altar, the preacher and three others, I assume deacons were with me, too, as we stood in a circle. The preacher said let’s pray. It was me that prayed aloud in this group for my salvation, they all just stood there. Amen. It had to have been the preacher to say, well there you go, I believe she is saved. No doubt they were shaking their heads, laughing at the dinner table that day of what just transpired. No doubt about it, I was saved. Perhaps it was my grandfather and my great-grandfather, both Baptist preachers, coming out in me. Amen.

Even though I can laugh now and cry tears of joy, I also feel the sense of shame I have carried through the years of praying when they were to pray, for me. I do not know why I did that, but it came automatic. The sense of shame making me feel like a fool that day and I honestly have felt a hindrance since, in praying out loud. I just realized that, it is shame. Wow! I wonder if this is my turning point.

6614C487-1ED0-472C-A026-BB93B30A4FB4I still have the white Bible that was given to me by by this Baptist preacher’s family. Somewhere in this time period, The Way, a Bible to easily understand and read was given to me or I bought. I don’t know, but I loved it. I was so joyous of being a Christian and having this Bible, I stayed up all night reading it. I remember my dad getting up for work and surprised that I was awake and reading. I had joy. I could not get enough of the Word of God in me.

Life moves forward, of course, and I was blessed to have been connected from one friend to another to get to where I was and am today.  Evident of God’s mercy and grace.

Back to The Way, I had a neighbor friend, we had grown up together playing outside, riding bikes and all but never close friends as we got older. I found out that she was in the hospital. Knowing she needed to change her ways or 9ABCFDB1-FF9C-4AD4-AA48-046A0ADDB31Fshe would end up back in there or worse. I took my Bible, The Way, to her and we talked and I witnessed to her as best as I knew how being a young Christian. Thankfully she was very receptive and accepted my my Bible.  I planted a seed.

Knowing her life was not a bed of roses and had many issues through the years thereafter, her two children both grown, now she is a grandmother and raising her grandchildren. Her daughter had lost her rights to her children due to repeated drugs usage and rehabs. Such a sad way to live.

Approximately forty years ago, I gave my friend my Bible, The Way. Since I always loved it, I went searching to find another and about five years ago I found it, bought it, read it, loved it still. I was so excited to have it once again in my possession, on my bookshelf.

Little did I know and I am sure this was no coincidence but my friend’s daughter was out of rehab again and staying in an apartment near my home, living with friends. Different times we would meet out in the yard and talk. While trying her best to get her life together, it was always a battle but she knew that God was the one to turn to. Asking if I would take her to church. Many discussions and plans were made to take her to church with me, with excuses each time. One night, standing on my sidewalk talking yet again, I told her to wait, I needed to get something for her. Yes, I gave her my Bible, The Way. Also receptive of receiving, as her mother did.BE0F9289-EC0B-4796-9658-3FDE43DF319B

How interesting that two generations, the mother and daughter, each got my Bible, The Way.  I am unsure if a page was even read or the Bible even opened or maybe it was thrown away, but they both had a seed planted of God’s Love.

We may not know how our actions or our encouragement will lift up others but it is worth a try to do such. Right now, many need encouragement and hope like never before. What we can do is to give to others whether it is a smile (no cost), a word of encouragement (no cost) or hope (no cost) as much as we can.  If they can see Christ in us, it points them to ‘THE WAY’ of the Cross.

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https://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/in-touch/in-touch-mar-1-2012.html

SALVATION… anytime, anywhere, 24/7

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Chill Out, Mom!

FA196F8F-96AE-42D9-BBB0-4C820F458972We all know what is happening all around us and will have to deal with it in one way or another. If you don’t know what is happening, then your head is stuck in the sand. Get it out and pay attention.

I know for myself, I am tired of hearing and reading about this Coronavirus, of which you are reading about in my writing. I want it over and done, let’s get back to our daily routine. Sadly, we haven’t even hit the peak of this madness.

Why do our children, like my grown son, a millennial, just shrug this off? Mom, it’s nothing, don’t fear the hype. Chill out! My thought… DO NOT tell me to chill out! 6951BD5D-C8D5-472C-8B5B-CE9D1CF9C677

Have you ever just wanted to reach through the phone and jerk a knot in their behind?

The past seven days he has been in Florida working and a enjoying a mini vacation. I do believe his head has been in the sand.  Trying to encourage him to go get some canned goods, etc., and not to forget toilet paper, which apparently is a must through this ordeal. Maybe if and/or when he goes to the local store(s) and see for himself the empty shelves, he will believe me.

As a mom, no matter what age our children are, I have found you still worry, even though you pray for God’s hedge of protection to cover them.

While I am not in a panic, I know many are and fear is rampant on the faces and hopelessness only to grow in the days ahead. Trying to express, without fear in my tone, but the urgency, encourage and push him to action. This may be one time, yet again, that he has to learn on his own and this mom has to back off to trust the Lord through the process.B42F5D6B-EB20-4C02-8BC3-8B7C9E9BA442

It is so hard at times, like God needs my help. You know?  I, of course, know better. My faith will grow, even though tears may fall and the cries of my heart in prayers that are never ending for my child. His faith will grow, too, in God and in his mom, realizing he should have listened

I do plan to have a box for him of food to use if needed and no doubt he will roll his eyes when I drop this off over the weekend. Surely, he will not tell me to chill out while in his presence. Let’s hope not.

Children! You just got to love them.

I know years later, he will regret moments between him and I and of not spending more time with me and knowing his mom better in his adult years.  I think we probably all go through this.

So for now, I’m…C86903F3-4519-46FD-9FBC-0FA8603CBD38

 

https://www1.cbn.com/parenting/parenting-out-of-faith-not-fear

 

How to Trust God With Your Adult Children

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Did I Fail Them?

The motherly guilt was alive and well recently, as I fought through the fear that I have failed my son(s). The ‘if only’ statement rolls in my thoughts, full well knowing that those ‘if only’ wishes will not change a thing. It only keeps me in a fear mode as worry tags along.87FD1186-60FC-4E84-AC54-27D751AC3628

When writing a recent blog and researching the childhood emotional neglect (CEN) yet again, reading the symptoms, etc., which I have had, panic set in for the boys, especially my youngest.

I know it is proven to be passed along through generations, which would be me, and if so, then I have failed them, too. Had I known what I know now, a familiar phrase spoken by many, whether a parent or not, while I did many things right, I would change some areas.

If what I have gone through and the struggles, I wonder if my sons are going to also. Will it be different with a son than as a daughter? I do not know the answer.

My years of them under our roof has come and gone, now they are too busy. The days speed by so quick and time is limited when visiting or in my life as my days are getting to be less.

Reminiscing of their childhood, I had happy babies. Looking at them, smiling and covering them with love, hugs, kisses and prayers as we rocked and read books. This was something I did not have growing up and proud that I did that with them.  Often I wonder though, do they remember?6EE54AA4-E2CB-4339-8940-062D151FB7DD

Through the years, these sweet boys brought me so much joy and even all those dirty clothes. They knew I would be their number one cheerleader back then and know that even now. The teenage years were interesting. The independence and pulling away from mom was happening with my oldest, I remember, which had me frantic at times but soon learned this was normal with boys. When the youngest did the same, I caught on and realized a new 03E2C037-9E09-4BE1-92ED-553848F43F47phase in their life was happening. Okay, I’ve got this. Even in these years, I wonder if they remember and have good memories of their mom. I was there for them, I always will be but less so they could grow into adulthood, loosening the apron strings

Or do they remember me depressed from the dying marriage happening right in front of them with their dad while I am trying to appear strong and happy keeping our family intact? Even though I lost some precious time, I 9854A649-70A7-4ABC-BE1D-A3A0CA65BE88pushed my way through for them. Do they remember? Or do they remember and did they feel the underlying anger I had toward their dad? The dark days of depression added and being buried with much grief of not just my parent’s deaths, but the death of my marriage, a marriage I always desired but will never have, and most importantly time with my boys and us all as a family unit. Grief in all ways was surrounding me. Those were rough days… years. I hope they don’t remember. I would like to forget it myself.

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The ‘if only’ or ‘if I could do over’ days are over, there is no going back. While these statements brought worry and fear along with tears and all the negative thoughts that I failed them and not to forget that I was a bad mother, which are lies and from the enemy.

As a mother, I did the best I knew to do and still. I have to trust the Lord as I did back then, even though I wondered where He was at times and if He even remembered me. I must trust Him. My boys are grown adult 9E1E5E8B-6F88-480F-9BF4-4EFC6FCC7982men now and doing well. Will they need counseling one day to help in areas from childhood? I do not know but if they do, I will support them to do so. I want only the best for them. Perhaps with my own work in these areas, this will stop the pattern in generations to come.

I just hope they remember their mom’s love, hugs, kisses, support and prayers, especially when it is time for a nice, clean smelling nursing home. 🥰

I Love my Boys (Men). ❤️❤️

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So perhaps you have had the parental guilt yourself. The enemy wants nothing more to keep us believing the lies that we have failed our child(ren). All you can do is your best and trust the Lord

Parental Guilt: Forgiving Yourself For Parenting Mistakes

https://drjonicewebb.com/E92393B8-C3D7-4822-9013-4E9EC5F53B07

Word from Lysa Terkeust:  “Satan wants us to be afraid.

I’m not talking about the healthy kind of fear that keeps us safe. No, I’m referring to that horrible kind of fear that whispers worst-case scenarios.

While we’re distracted with fear, the enemy pickpockets our purpose, cripples our courage, dismantles our dreams and blinds us to the beauty of the Lord’s great plans.

Are you struggling with fear in any area of your life right now? Maybe there’s a relationship causing anxiety. Or a problem you’re facing where there seems to be no solution.

Stop right now and speak the name of Jesus. Proclaiming His name brings power, protection and perspective that crushes fear. It is the name above every other.”

https://www.lysaterkeurst.com/