Hope

Wish You Knew

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Today, as I had a freaky text about a purchase, I went searching to make sure our bank account was safe from theft. Definitely not needed right now with Christmas, nor anytime. It is a scary feeling and causes stress but anger to rise up of those that do this. Stop it!

In all that, I sat back and realized where I was and where I am now. By the Grace of God.

I remember back in 2015 or so discussing with my therapist some hopelessness felt due to debt. I caused most of it. I saw no way of escape. The hurdle was too much, as I expressed this with her.

While going to counseling for other issues, this was all mixed in there. We covered a lot of territory over four years together. I was clueless and in total denial of so much of my childhood and life. What an experience to have one lead me forward, opening my eyes and heart.

Childhood emotional neglect or abandonment (CEN) was high on her radar with me and with added research, it all made sense.

In life, the emotional turmoil can do harm. Just like my case in weight. Hid my emotions with food. Also, spending money and purchasing items. Hiding emotions in the new stuff. Only to crash down when the monthly bills arrive and amount rises while interest causes a huge amount to keep raising the payoff. Over and over, a cycle. Despair.

Thankfully, I came to the point of acknowledging my downfall, understanding myself and started correcting my careless ways and thinking.

While it did not happen overnight of being out of debt, it came and it became fun to see the amounts dwindle down. Many prayers of Lord help me. Taking control of my life made everything come together.

No matter where we struggle, we can struggle our way out, in time. It brings hope and feeling proud of yourself in just the small steps that soon become huge.

I no longer see this therapist but sometimes I would love to tell her of the outcome. It was with her help of seeing the junk in me to rid the junk that I thought I needed in life. I am still making strides but nowhere where I once was.

One Step Today to a Better Tomorrow.

So, with me sharing, I don’t know what you might be struggling with today or have been. Get down to the root of the problem and make small changes here and there. It adds up.

As for counseling, go. I hope you have one that was as beneficial to me.

Funnel of His Love

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There are times in life, we are uncertain of many given moments, but we hold on even when we feel weak and hopeless. I have had my share of ups and downs, as I am sure you can nod your head in agreement.

We fall and fail but we get back up and try again. Life happens. Forgiveness and unforgiveness is a battle at times until we realize forgiveness is best in order to move forward. So much in life is learning of our true self.

Where we are weak and where we are strong, we learn sometimes the hard ways. A balance of our daily walk, holding our head up when possibly feeling down. We each struggle at times. Thankfully, we have joy many times.

Through it all, it is knowing the One who holds your hand, knows all about you, the good and the bad but still loves you. He sees you.

As I pondered my day and listened to someone sharing God’s Love, then praying, I just lifted my hands high and as I looked up at them, it was like a funnel. Saying, Oh Lord let Your Love funnel into me. I need you more today than I needed yesterday.

Maybe this was or is just for me but maybe you reading this, you also need His Love to funnel into you. He’s there and He sees you.

Be Blessed

It’s Us

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It’s Us!

Not You, it’s You and Not Me, it’s Me. It’s Us.

This may not make sense to anyone but me. I have come a far distance and it feels good and feels right. Time does make a difference. Healing within and understanding of oneself is liberating. Is my life perfect and have it all together? Not a chance.

It is knowing I am not where I once was and I am still evolving.

One day, which is the next step, I will see my former therapist of four years. Her leaving due to medical reasons and not formally telling me, I was at a loss, her office sign is down and is no more, in 2018. My world was rocked off its axis.

Dealing with abandonment prior to her leave, then experiencing full-blown abandonment, as a true, full-blown assignment, my heart was broken. Anger ripped my insides up while tears flowed on the outside. The question I repeatedly said, was one word, WHY?

Of course, it was medical but why not personally touch base. This ‘why’ screamed within me for years.

It has since silenced. It’s not that important anymore. How is that? I still don’t know the why. There’s a peace and I like it.

Time does in fact heal. Forgiveness of the other but also of oneself is freedom, no matter what situation.

All the negative feelings and thoughts have subsided and it is kind of shocking. How will I react when we do meet while shopping or in public I often wonder.

It would be nice to see her and hug her. I’m forever thankful for our times together years ago but I want this to be a coming together somehow on the same ground level as friends. Not her as my therapist or me as her client. That is no more. It’s Us. Funny, I think she would understand this of me, as she was good like that.

That’s the next step, our running into each other. I would like that.

Again, Time!