A Clowder of Cats

93904230-7A5F-4483-BE63-F4E4BC56D453Throughout my lifetime, I have always had a cat or a bird. Animals are just nice to have and to love, they love you back.

My first cat was when I was four or five, I remember tending to her and she would listen to me. I would put clothes on her, cut her whiskers and wait for my return if I had to leave the 44F67DE4-49DF-4EAE-9DAF-035908FAC08Eroom. We called her Mama Cat. Yes, I know now that you should never cut their whiskers but at that age, I did not know and apparently those around me did not either. Plus, Mama Cat did not care what I did, she loved me and I loved her.

Off and on, a bird would be part of the family, usually a mean parakeet, we just tolerated them and enjoyed its singing.

36C35A63-654B-45B2-9FC0-04F622F8B76CI brought a cat home when I still lived with my parents after graduation, which did not go over well. In time, that cat won them over and was spoiled rotten by them and kept them busy and happy. This old cat was named Tom. He kept to himself and would lay at my mom’s feet when she was alive.

Before her passing, there was an old dark, gray stray cat that showed up as did others and mom would tend to them all in the garage, definitely the cat lady. Mom would 689E0040-1D3D-431C-B23F-9AF83BC3F8A0have boxes stacked with bedding for each one, it was quite a sight. I think every cat in our small town knew my mom, as she would feed them and provided warmth. As family and friends would visit, each just shook their head in disbelief while observing the garage of cat condo units but knowing, too, she was happy to do this for them, all of them.

Years later, my father was nearing death while my sister and I cared for him at home. The old Tom cat was still alive at the age of twenty two, He was a little slow but he stayed around for my dad, I feel. The night before my dad passed away, the old Tom cat went downstairs, usually he did not do that. At his age and an ailing leg, he ran up Animal (dog, cat) paw printsthose steps like he saw a ghost. Somebody mentioned that he saw my mom as she was there for dad.  Interesting to consider because it was definitely odd. Then, the old gray stray cat that we called Mama would show her face now and then but had been missing for weeks, if not longer. As you can tell, we do not go crazy with pet names, we use either Tom or Mama. It just works!

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Anyway, Mama came in the house that beautiful Saturday morning and she went under my dad’s hospital bed, sitting at the foot of it. Tom was also under his bed, sitting toward the head of the bed. I woke my sister up and told her it was time. How I knew that, I am not for sure except the Lord making me aware, as I was his main caregiver. My sister and I were on each side of the bed with our dad, as he passed. The stray cat, Mama, howled loudly and then left the house, we never saw her again. Tom died just a month or so after my dad. Animals are so in tune with us more than we know.

A8397AA3-BE3C-4F46-BA48-D37195F36D55Now nineteen years later, this past May, we lost our sixteen year old, beautiful Golden Chow dog. We have two indoor cats and they also are getting up in age. In our neighborhood, and for years, there has been a stray cat that looks just my parent’s cat, which was a male and orange in color, so we named it what else, Tom. How could I not care for it? Now realizing I am becoming my mother, the cat lady.

Also, there was a beautiful white stray cat with very little color on her body but her tail is black and brown and she has the softest fur.  We always called her Mama, of course, as she had liter after liter and would come to our door on the deck for food. The neighbors that owned her did not care for her properly or the many liters of kittens. Sad. They moved and just left her this past spring, so my husband and I claimed her. Thankfully.7059C756-3216-4DDD-8108-4A8E6215AD0F

Although, in April she had a liter but we did not know where. I would talk to her and ask where her babies were. Animals listen and understand us, I believe.  Still she would eat and leave. On May 5th, we had our sweet dog put down due to Cancer returning with a vengeance. Our hearts were A34EF6F5-0BA5-4720-85F8-9E47CD1A1137broken with this decision. While trying to capture more photos of her, I took some ‘last’ photos the morning of this dreaded task. I swear she looked at me with those brown eyes as in saying, No More! I told her no more, I promise.  I had never had a dog before but this one was the best and we sure miss her.

So, on a lighter note, four days after our dog passed, we came home from work and here Mama cat and her three babies were in our garage, she brought them through the doggy door. It was perfect timing, to help us through the grief and to keep us busy with the three, four-week old kittens, which was new, unfamiliar to us. 624D3A57-320D-4B68-8915-0614E74FE6C0

Crazy enough, that same day at work, a sweet lady who was just diagnosed with breast cancer, knowing the kittens were born but location unknown, talked with me. I was reminded that she wanted a black cat. Now the Mama cat was mostly white and the odds were slim I told her. Believe it or not, one of the three kittens was a black one. Amazing! Talk about being thrilled is an understatement, not only of the black cat for my co-worker but that Mama cat knew I/we needed them after the passing of our dog, which helped us both immensely in the grieving.8C71D5B3-664E-407B-9C66-7A7172C5F9FE

Now, eight months later, these cats are all fixed and think they own our home. Just no more kittens! After years of Mama having so many liters, she was able to care for her kittens and it was a delight to watch how she interacted with them and protected them, still. Of course, my co-worker has the black cat and has helped her, too, while going through cancer treatments. Isn’t it interesting, that these animals had a part in helping each one of us through the years?

I looked at one the other night while I was in the kitchen and said, I cannot believe I/we have all of these cats. Yikes! I had never had over two cats at a time but now six, four of which are inside/outside cats. What is odd, too, is that they come in at bedtime and they all sleep through the night, we have had no issues of them knocking things over, jumping, etc., and then they go out for the day in the morning. So far, so good.

191A4DE0-308F-4BC0-9A03-91AE098EF1CBAnimals love us when nobody else does, calms our anxious mind and brings joy when there is none. They are worth every penny, the time invested and care so I guess we are stuck with them. Just NO MORE!

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DID YOU KNOW?                                                https://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2011/07/a-group-of-cats-is-called-a-clowder/

 

 

New Year’s Resolutions

I do not make New Year’s Resolutions! Do you? C3FF064F-1E9F-4E95-9DAF-0B9A08B2A087

I have made plenty in the past and the majority, I failed. In that, making me feel like a loser, with the negative thoughts I already had of myself back then, which were confirmed and there you have it. Doomed for the rest of the year. I know that’s silly and not true, but I do not make resolutions for that reason.

How many will join a gym membership and be all gung-ho about going in the month of January and some will trickle into February and just maybe some will continue thereafter. Been there, done that and I have the t-shirt. If 396A4954-B400-4778-BB31-86C43D1278B8having and maintaining a monthly membership, because I just might want to go and have good intentions, I never darken the door. Month after month seeing that charge, while a low amount, it still is deducted from my banking account with no productive results. Now it is the new year and my reasoning for not going, as my friend said it the other day, is that it will be too crowded because of the newbies. Of course, I would basically fall into that group now. So, I’ll wait. Perfect excuse.

If I made a resolution last night to not eat anything sweet, I would have already lost, first day of January. There’s going to be some grouchy people in a few days, of no sweets.

Plan to do and be better than last year. Set some goals and work toward them while not being so hard on yourself. Do your best and take care of yourself.

Expect 2020 to be the best year ever and just keep moving forward.

Maybe I will see you at the gym. 😉 I am going!

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https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/2019/01/instead-of-a-resolution-try-making-a-micro-change/

Did Done Do

As I drive home the back roads many times, I go over a tall bridge that has a sharp curve. If you are going too fast, it would be easy to crash into the guardrail or even fly over it causing death no doubt or some very serious, severe injuries.02084FD9-C8BF-4CB1-AD06-1BEB36C908E1

I have made it a point to pray, and yesterday was no different while finishing up my errands and heading home, going over the bridge. Nobody has or ever noticed that I make a ‘V’ or the common peace sign with my fingers, as we all know. My ‘V’ means VICTORY to me. If I am alone, I start praying before the bridge, on the bridge and until I come around the bend to the stop sign.C516BA80-E016-48E1-86A9-92B55D283FE9

Praying for the victory that I have experienced of what He did in my life, what He has done and what He is doing, thanking the Lord for each area.

Since late 2017, my outlook on life took a major shift. I felt stuck in a relationship of a sad, lonely marriage knowing Aspergers with him causes this in many married relationships. I felt no joy and also dealing with being an empty nester. I would go to work then come home and repeat daily and when home, isolate myself. Depression was always hovering over me for years and thoughts of no desire to live, definitely common, a bad place to be.

At this time and for a couple of years, I had been in counseling. Even with counseling, it seemed as though we would make progress and while we did, there were times the burden of everything was just overwhelming. I could not see a way out of many areas in my life. Just stuck.04C93810-D2B5-4F48-8F06-E93A994CDEEE

It was at a time the counselor and I were deep into something discussed, too much apparently. I was told by her also that she would be leaving on vacation and longer than usual. My mind screaming, NO! I cannot handle this alone, even though I knew she would return, but I also knew she needed time away like all of us. At this given time, it was just too much for me to handle. I remember her and I discussing this time away and that my emotions were more extreme than usual.

914CF29D-6748-4344-90AD-2A779CA18877As a child reaching out grasping for her mother, crying please don’t leave me is how I see it played out in my mind. Understandably so, due to the childhood emotional neglect, rejection, abandonment and apparent separation anxiety all uncovered in counseling that helped me understand myself. I can still remember that day and feel the panic within, today. I was a grown adult but having childhood issues not dealt with fully or healed, this area was triggered big time.

The enemy has one plan for me, you and each of us that walk this earth and especially a message to help others, which is to kill, steal and destroy. I knew this but fighting through the mental torment, the bend in the bridge was a common thought and that I knew the enemy was tormenting 23E9BE85-9FC6-4B79-9D20-9DD72F026FB8me with this area. Just end it all. The panic set in but thankfully she was wise enough to discern and recognize my complete breakdown happening. The battle is in the mind as Joyce Meyer speaks of in her books and messages. True!

As I regret and I am saddened now to know I gave thought to this and wanting to give up, I cannot and will not go over that bridge without my ‘V’ while holding the steering wheel and either praying aloud when alone or in my mind while with others, if driving or as a passenger.  I will not forget where I came from and that time in my life and the discussion between my former counselor and I.

Hopelessness is real to so many, especially nowadays, and I get it. Hoping one day I can encourage others to keep going forward toward their VICTORY.

F39001F8-F924-4535-A9F1-7580709F3C0DWhile I missed her while on vacation and the trigger of anxiety and abandonment exploding due to my childhood issues, I survived and visited my family doctor for an anti-depressant.  It was time and encouraged before she left on vacation. I was an emotional mess and I am not like that. The prescription was filled and now in my hand, as I looked at reviews and was scared of the side effects, not knowing what to do B8D24BF5-0AA0-40B0-95E0-002CFD84D8BCnow. I needed my counselor to help me know and to be there for me. Trust me, I felt lost and alone yet again in life and panic set in. Lord, what am I to do?

Just as in this situation, feeling all alone and reaching for help but nobody there, that was when I called out to God to help me. My faith in Him and trust in people through the years definitely wavered although I knew deep down He had His Hand on me. As a new Christian back in 1978, the words, He would not leave me nor forsake me, became 164DA00B-60FF-488E-8BDF-656F8BF16E96real to me and I held onto them since. I knew He knew my name and where I was. He was my only hope. My Christian counselor also suggested that I get in any altar calls at church, so I swallowed my pride and did just that. Desperation! Nobody knew the reason but the Lord and my counselor knew what I was going through and of the torment within my mind. I needed victory over this area.

As hard as that period was, a major shift occurred within me. Still today, I am thankful that I went through it because I had to be vulnerable enough to speak openly and honestly to my counselor, where I had never shared those deep, dark thoughts with anyone. Again, the enemy wanted to kill, steal and destroy me. He knows that I have encouragement for others and that I will give God all the glory whether in my writings or spoken. 1015D998-96A8-4673-A5EF-FB9E5F56C245

I have not been the same since as I had to make a decision to live or to die and in that sense, that could be physically or spiritually. I am more alive today than ever, physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Thank God!

5D78F3CE-255C-43DE-9CD2-B0FCA2AC8817What He did and has done in me, I know He will do more so that I can encourage others to have hope for tomorrow.

Thats GOD! That’s VICTORY!  TRUST HIM! ❤️

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