Memories – Page 4 – Just Pondering…

Time is Running Out

May 7, 2022May 7, 2022ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

Yes, I am old. Older than I thought I would ever be in life. How did this happen? Just a few years back, I was in my twenties and now, near retirement in a few years. Soon, I will be reading up more and concentrating on Medicare and all that it has for me. Time. Where did it go? It went so fast.

As I look back over my life, a lot has happened, as I am sure with you also. Then as I look over my life and go through the memories, good and bad, no wonder I am exhausted at times. I am tired. Still, I have energy to do things, just not as fast. What I miss is being able to paint a room in hours but now it takes days and weeks, I do not rush. When I painted my bedroom a few years back, which is not huge but big enough, I learned to paint and just plop my mattress on the floor. Trimming is hard on this old body and my eyes, not to forget the steadiness of my hand. Oh well, soon it gets finished, and I vow never to do it again.

I am able to do stuff, as I am push mowing our yard with a bummed knee. Once I start, I am fine but if I sit down and take a break, give me some WD40 to get this old tinman/woman back up and at ’em. I am sure my neighbors see a lot of hobbling and grimaces on my face and maybe hear me either sing or comment out loud that I want a condo, forget this lawn work. If anything will push me to sell this house, it is the yard. Hiring a young man to do the back acre lot, he is pushing my buttons. The boy can spread mulch great but his weed eating skills, not so much. It is letting go of what I can no longer do and just be at peace with the weeds around my fence line, unless I do it myself. I have done just that, pay him and gone right behind him to fix areas to my satisfaction.

So, as days are rapidly escaping my calendar, I do seem to cherish life more being with friends and family, and I make my children more aware of my love and trust in them. It is time to keep them informed of what we have financially and where necessary paperwork is for when life is no more for us. It is an interesting role reversal as this takes place, but I do not want them to be in the dark as we have been with my in-laws. We knew nothing at the time of my father-in-law’s death just a couple of months ago. There comes a time when adult children need to know what’s what and know our wishes. Although, I have most of my funeral plans written out so it should be rather easy. If my husband is still living, there is strict instructions, he is NOT to put yellow roses on my casket. While I like yellow roses, they are not my favorite but apparently, he always thought they were because that is what I got whenever I did get flowers, early in our marriage. I still think it was an old girlfriend’s favorite that got stuck in his mind. I want pink roses!

Today, as I was with my adult children going to a family wedding, we were talking about some old paintball guns that I still have of theirs, which brought back their own young days in life. I laughed as I told them that I still have them. Then, stating you all will have fun when you go through all the stuff. Organized but stored away to hopefully bring them together to talk and laugh of all the fun they had and remember their old mom in the midst.

For now, I am enjoying my adult children and it is awesome to have a relationship with them in the present. I have truly been blessed with these boys and a daughter-in-law. Maybe another daughter-in-law to follow with built-in grandchildren. Now that will be an interesting twist, but I am looking forward to spoiling them.

Life sure has been interesting. I have been blessed and even in the midst of all my blessings, I have had some hard times and times of wanting to just throw my hands up and quit. I am so glad that I did not just give up but I pushed through. The Lord has truly been my strength in my weakness. He said He would never leave me nor forsake me, and He hasn’t. My time is running out but for now I am running with what gusto that I have left within this body.

Look forward, not backward and know that even though our time is running out, we still have time to live.

Digging in the Ditches

May 4, 2022May 4, 2022ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

I do not want to dig! I said, I do not want to dig in the ditches. It is too much.

As I scanned over my many writings, just the titles stir my emotions. How can I even go there without losing myself in the memories and feelings of those exact moments when things happened in my life and of my broken heart? I do not really know how to move past except to move through those times and put words in front of me as I feel and remember to share that you, too, can make it. Maybe it is for me to remember and to know where I have come from and what I went through to be right here at this right time, sharing my story.

A coach I had recently expressed all this as ‘digging in the ditches’ and so true, as it is digging through some bad, muddy times where I felt stuck. Throw me a lifeline please, I would cry out so many times under my breath, in my mind. Do you all not see I am struggling? Sadly, those words were on my mind while sitting on the church pew many times. I was invisible, I felt.

So, this is a start of my digging and thought I would test the waters. Unsure if I can dig tonight, as I write, but this is a start. How’s that?

Hey Babe

May 17, 2021May 19, 2021ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

I am unsure why I thought of this but I know in the past, I have enjoyed hearing pet names that a spouse may give or say to their spouse, a parent to their child(ren), an owner of a pet of their pet(s), etc. I have never had that in life so it was something I would pick up on while listening.

My boys, I always use Sweetie. Now my dog when she was alive, her name was Baby. The previous foster mother named her and sure enough she was a sweet Baby, so I normally called her Baby Dog. With our cats, which we tend to have one too many. Okay, like five too many, as the apartment dwellers nearby seem to leave their cats and well, it happens, and they add up. Guess I could be called the Old Cat Lady and probably am. The cats each have their names, of course, but usually whatever comes to mind (today was Frootloop) when I am letting one in, one out and realizing they have me trained. We have two cats (brothers) that look like bookends and I refer to them as such. The only way to tell them apart is by the nose). No matter, they are a lot of company and each one has their own unique personality. The veterinarian loves when we make a day of appointments. Thankfully, we live about two miles away, so I take them two by two. Just like Noah and the Ark.

When I had cockatiel, our solid white one, called Annie, she was hand grown by my father-in-law, and she was the sweetest bird and loved to be out of the cage and with us. Sadly, she passed. I tried my hand at another one. I am not a elaborate person with names, so she became Annie 2. This bird lived a long time and would chase the cats. We had a handyman at our house doing some remodeling and he called me at work in a panic. The bird was out of her cage and the cats went under the bed. Typical, but he did not enjoy the chaos and fear of what could happen. I knew they were fine. Annie 2 was the boss.

Many months ago, I was with my son and his wife when I first heard them talking and then I heard him say, Babe, asking her a question. It made me stop and smile, thinking that is my son and loving his wife, using a pet name for her. It made me feel proud, as his mom. Still when I hear them together, he says Babe. I wondered where and why because his dad never called me anything, that I know of, except Hey. Never my name, never a sweet pet name, just Hey. Isn’t it romantic?

We had some new neighbors move into the house across the street, a young couple many, many years ago. We did not know them at first until they settled in but soon I enjoyed talking with them. I would be working out in my flowers (aka weeds) and I would hear her say, Honey or Hey Honey, Honey come here and Honey this or that. At first I thought how sweet but somewhat nauseating and realized I was just jealous. They are all honeying it up over there and then I hear mine calling me, Hey. Just great.

To find out, Honey was their cat. I felt better. In time I told them about my thoughts and feeling jealous of them saying Honey and we all laughed. I have not forgotten their cat named Honey and often cared for her when they were out of town. Honey was to have the television turned on of a special cat show during the day. Whatever Honey.

Still, going on thirty-two years, I am still called, Hey. When I do hear my name said by him, which is seldom, I sometimes am startled. So my quick trip down memory lane today was just nice and made me smile, even the fact of I am still Hey. I am just so proud of my son who can call his wife Babe and not Hey.