A Clowder of Cats

93904230-7A5F-4483-BE63-F4E4BC56D453Throughout my lifetime, I have always had a cat or a bird. Animals are just nice to have and to love, they love you back.

My first cat was when I was four or five, I remember tending to her and she would listen to me. I would put clothes on her, cut her whiskers and wait for my return if I had to leave the 44F67DE4-49DF-4EAE-9DAF-035908FAC08Eroom. We called her Mama Cat. Yes, I know now that you should never cut their whiskers but at that age, I did not know and apparently those around me did not either. Plus, Mama Cat did not care what I did, she loved me and I loved her.

Off and on, a bird would be part of the family, usually a mean parakeet, we just tolerated them and enjoyed its singing.

36C35A63-654B-45B2-9FC0-04F622F8B76CI brought a cat home when I still lived with my parents after graduation, which did not go over well. In time, that cat won them over and was spoiled rotten by them and kept them busy and happy. This old cat was named Tom. He kept to himself and would lay at my mom’s feet when she was alive.

Before her passing, there was an old dark, gray stray cat that showed up as did others and mom would tend to them all in the garage, definitely the cat lady. Mom would 689E0040-1D3D-431C-B23F-9AF83BC3F8A0have boxes stacked with bedding for each one, it was quite a sight. I think every cat in our small town knew my mom, as she would feed them and provided warmth. As family and friends would visit, each just shook their head in disbelief while observing the garage of cat condo units but knowing, too, she was happy to do this for them, all of them.

Years later, my father was nearing death while my sister and I cared for him at home. The old Tom cat was still alive at the age of twenty two, He was a little slow but he stayed around for my dad, I feel. The night before my dad passed away, the old Tom cat went downstairs, usually he did not do that. At his age and an ailing leg, he ran up Animal (dog, cat) paw printsthose steps like he saw a ghost. Somebody mentioned that he saw my mom as she was there for dad.  Interesting to consider because it was definitely odd. Then, the old gray stray cat that we called Mama would show her face now and then but had been missing for weeks, if not longer. As you can tell, we do not go crazy with pet names, we use either Tom or Mama. It just works!

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Anyway, Mama came in the house that beautiful Saturday morning and she went under my dad’s hospital bed, sitting at the foot of it. Tom was also under his bed, sitting toward the head of the bed. I woke my sister up and told her it was time. How I knew that, I am not for sure except the Lord making me aware, as I was his main caregiver. My sister and I were on each side of the bed with our dad, as he passed. The stray cat, Mama, howled loudly and then left the house, we never saw her again. Tom died just a month or so after my dad. Animals are so in tune with us more than we know.

A8397AA3-BE3C-4F46-BA48-D37195F36D55Now nineteen years later, this past May, we lost our sixteen year old, beautiful Golden Chow dog. We have two indoor cats and they also are getting up in age. In our neighborhood, and for years, there has been a stray cat that looks just my parent’s cat, which was a male and orange in color, so we named it what else, Tom. How could I not care for it? Now realizing I am becoming my mother, the cat lady.

Also, there was a beautiful white stray cat with very little color on her body but her tail is black and brown and she has the softest fur.  We always called her Mama, of course, as she had liter after liter and would come to our door on the deck for food. The neighbors that owned her did not care for her properly or the many liters of kittens. Sad. They moved and just left her this past spring, so my husband and I claimed her. Thankfully.7059C756-3216-4DDD-8108-4A8E6215AD0F

Although, in April she had a liter but we did not know where. I would talk to her and ask where her babies were. Animals listen and understand us, I believe.  Still she would eat and leave. On May 5th, we had our sweet dog put down due to Cancer returning with a vengeance. Our hearts were A34EF6F5-0BA5-4720-85F8-9E47CD1A1137broken with this decision. While trying to capture more photos of her, I took some ‘last’ photos the morning of this dreaded task. I swear she looked at me with those brown eyes as in saying, No More! I told her no more, I promise.  I had never had a dog before but this one was the best and we sure miss her.

So, on a lighter note, four days after our dog passed, we came home from work and here Mama cat and her three babies were in our garage, she brought them through the doggy door. It was perfect timing, to help us through the grief and to keep us busy with the three, four-week old kittens, which was new, unfamiliar to us. 624D3A57-320D-4B68-8915-0614E74FE6C0

Crazy enough, that same day at work, a sweet lady who was just diagnosed with breast cancer, knowing the kittens were born but location unknown, talked with me. I was reminded that she wanted a black cat. Now the Mama cat was mostly white and the odds were slim I told her. Believe it or not, one of the three kittens was a black one. Amazing! Talk about being thrilled is an understatement, not only of the black cat for my co-worker but that Mama cat knew I/we needed them after the passing of our dog, which helped us both immensely in the grieving.8C71D5B3-664E-407B-9C66-7A7172C5F9FE

Now, eight months later, these cats are all fixed and think they own our home. Just no more kittens! After years of Mama having so many liters, she was able to care for her kittens and it was a delight to watch how she interacted with them and protected them, still. Of course, my co-worker has the black cat and has helped her, too, while going through cancer treatments. Isn’t it interesting, that these animals had a part in helping each one of us through the years?

I looked at one the other night while I was in the kitchen and said, I cannot believe I/we have all of these cats. Yikes! I had never had over two cats at a time but now six, four of which are inside/outside cats. What is odd, too, is that they come in at bedtime and they all sleep through the night, we have had no issues of them knocking things over, jumping, etc., and then they go out for the day in the morning. So far, so good.

191A4DE0-308F-4BC0-9A03-91AE098EF1CBAnimals love us when nobody else does, calms our anxious mind and brings joy when there is none. They are worth every penny, the time invested and care so I guess we are stuck with them. Just NO MORE!

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DID YOU KNOW?                                                https://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2011/07/a-group-of-cats-is-called-a-clowder/

 

 

Tears from Nowhere

This morning I had an appointment early to get my D171077C-9EA4-4CB8-AB0B-4889C4CE7CFDhaircut and was looking forward to a nice, productive day afterward as I prepare for Thanksgiving like many of us are doing.  A good morning overall even though the weather was not cooperating with a lack of sunshine.

C97D4E0A-7459-4C06-9CDA-E09FFE79966CHere I am, sitting in the chair and my sweet stylist doing her magic while we talked and laughed. In the background, Christmas music was playing and the song, Pretty Paper by Willie Nelson came on. I stated I had not heard that for a good year, since last Christmas, of course, making a joke. I knew with that comment, I could not hold back the emotions and the tears started. Where did those come from and why? It’s funny how memories are stirred by music and our emotions are affected.845A8C81-4406-49F2-ACF5-B6ECA5E16D32

Each tear we cry has meaning to our Father God. He keeps track of all our sorrows just as carefully as if He were gathering each tear and placing it in a bottle for His remembrance.” Jennifer Rothschild

Later, when home alone and starting to clean, I turned on the Christmas music, louder than normal with my sound bar and woofer level elevated, hoping the neighbors don’t E3BD3AFE-6084-492C-8935-E9854AE06A2Bcomplain. lol  Believe it or not, the first song was Pretty Paper by Willie Nelson, yet again. What is up with this song today? Just because of how odd and what happened earlier, I texted my stylist and told her. Her text back was that it was playing right after I texted her. Knowing we are not playing the same channels but for this to coincide, interesting for both of us now.

Christmas music is wonderful even when the tears start flowing. The lyrics go deep and touch our hearts. Once they start, they usually continue off and on for the day for me and sure enough today has been one of those days.

74B50E97-29BC-4AD3-B579-ABBD8C4298C3The holidays can bring up memories of our past, good and bad, the grieving of those no longer in our lives whether that be in death or an end of a relationship, being overwhelmed with many things going on in our lives, or a mixture of it all and the tears flow, but not necessarily depression.

When my son moved out of state after college, being five hours away that year, I found the song, I’ll Be Home for Christmas a definite one to make the tears flow, which always reminds me of him still even though now an hour away. This song is not so good when driving to work and tears fall like a dripping water faucet. Why did I even put on makeup?

Feeling sentimental, as many of us are if not all, at this B4A63AF6-4D68-4D8D-AFF2-FDCA03F448D3time of the year, is normal. It is a time for families and friends to come together. With the Birth of Christ recognized, our worship and joy felt can also bring tears of thankfulness. Let your heart feel, allow your emotions that apparently are needed to cleanse and heal some areas within. It’s okay to cry, even in your hair stylist’s chair. I grew up feeling shame and embarrassment of crying in front of others, even my own family. Thankfully that has changed in understanding myself and the whys through counseling.

123F5BD4-90B4-423D-887E-FF3299488885If you find the tears are more than not and on the depressive side instead of sentimental reasons, please contact your physician, a counselor, a pastor, a friend. Reach out! It does takes courage but you can do this.

If more serious and nobody is available or you want to remain private, as many isolate during this time, please get help by going to your nearest hospital or call the suicide hotline. You are worthy and God knows your name and where you are and most importantly, He loves you. Trust Him!

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org  👉🏻 Telephone 1-800-273-8255  24/7

3 Ways God Responds to Your Tears

The Story Behind Willie Nelson’s Christmas Classic, ‘Pretty Paper’

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Accelerate

3E25D218-716C-4109-83EC-BB9EA2750E57There have been so many years to where I was stuck in a depressed state of mind, body and spirit in my life that I did not see a way through the dark pit of despair.

Walking aimlessly day to day from home to work and back again was my life. No goals, desires or dreams, total hopelessness. Wearing the mask of a smile while tending to the bandages wrapped around my broken and frail heart. Will there ever be more, I would ask so often C4F4348B-5A7D-4E57-B429-29DF2B769643within myself of my life here on out. I saw no hope.

Now it seems that this past year, everything has been accelerated, as in making up for lost time.

Last September, I took a medical class that was completed in eight weeks. Let me tell you, it was accelerated and more so for this old mind to grasp, but I passed with a 94.

Now I joke when I tell those that need to know, like a new doctor recently, that I am presently seeing two counselors a week. While they overlap in topics at times, one I feel is to get me through a loss through feelings of abandonment and where I lost ground somewhat and the other is to push me forward. So, I told 9CFB3676-1B38-4E3B-ADD1-13B42DF06D9Fhim that I am in accelerated counseling, and we both laughed. Funny but true. I have lost too much in my life and I need to regain my years back, as my age is adding up to numbers that I find I shake my head at in shock. I want more in life and I know the Lord has more for me.

Part of my loss has been in my marriage, as I have mentioned in my writings at times.  Recently, talking to a sweet, young girl in our office the other day when she dropped off paperwork for me, well basically listening as she spoke more to my assistant.  I could not help but ache for her and encourage her before leaving. Here she is living with a guy for seven years, recently engaged of which I think pushed by her and understandably so, after seven years together. They are both miserable and she wants out but feels stuck, as she feels seven years will be wasted.  Hopelessly feeling she has to start again.  In my mind and my assistant’s mind, it is better to leave now before marriage, house and children.  Run sweetheart run! Who knows but God what is in store for her but hopefully more than a sad, depressed and unhappy relationship whether married or not. Good news, she left.

AB9D14D6-708F-442F-8401-55BBDF102E48So many things have happened in this last year moreso that I cannot help but see the Hand of God at work. While it was rough and I took a nosedive last fall/winter, I was being pulled through with my nose to the grind in the medical class, while most times falling apart in an emotional chaos afterward.  Another approach was with the acceleration with counseling this year that was put in place to keep me focused. Most importantly, trusting the Lord that He surely has a purpose and a plan for my life.  There is light at the end of this tunnel and I am going through.D2B58A4D-9428-4B02-898D-0BA474E1422B

We all need to make a choice of staying stuck or moving through. I was stuck for way too long, still am, but I want more. As they say, no hell or high water will stop me now. I have a goal, which is to move forward. Unsure what and where forward is right now but I know to keep going. I want the last course of my life to be fun, enjoyable knowing the Lord loves me and is with me.

D3529520-8857-4DFA-A404-23D03899AAD7You, too, have a choice. Unsure where you are, whether spinning your wheels or stuck in the mud, as I have been there. Decide you want more. Take care of you. If you need counseling to figure life out, get counseling. If your energy level is depleted, go see your doctor and get blood work. It might be that you are low in iron or off in other areas within your body. If depressed, get an anti-depressant for a bit to get over the hump. Go for a walk, if just for fifteen minutes or stand outside (then you can say… you are Outstanding) and look around and breathe. It is a start. Nobody can do this for you. You have to make a choice that you want more and that you are important enough. You Are!

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/god-can-restor-your-lost-years/