I have had my share of grief in life and no doubt, you also. It, of course, can come from a physical death of a loved one or friend but grief is shared among other losses and the pain is there. Growing up and probably until my own mother passed away, I dealt with deaths and the visitations, funerals and family gatherings afterward never wanting to lose touch with cousins and extended family members, but you do.
It was when my mother passed that it all became real, the grieving of what was and what will never be. While we were not the mother-daughter connection as pictures show and memories are made of, still she was my mother. Sitting at traffic lights looking up at the beautiful sky and seeing the clouds, the tears would flow were my usual bouts of grief.
Just a few years later, while trying to maintain my own home but also my father’s home and all of his financial and medical affairs, my marriage was dying. I could feel it, I knew things were not right. I blamed myself as I was being pulled in many directions and apparently neglecting him. While that was all true of caring and doing for many, I am not to accept all the blame and I will not. Still, grieving the marriage of what was and what will never be.
Through the years, I have lost friendships for whatever reason by job change, moving, etc. no doubt, you have also. Realizing their friendship was just for a season, whether it be their season or mine, it still hurts to lose the closeness. Depending how close we were, the grief can become intense, not just uncomfortable for a bit. With that I found myself to be distant with some because of the hurt, the grief of losing them. They are still alive but not there. Just recently, I went through this with someone very special to me. Every level of grief was there still and I knew it. Even today, I now teeter between the depression stage and acceptance. This can last for a bit. When sadness hits, I cry and then I get back up accept what is. Thankfully the anger has lost its power but it was there and normal.
Whether it is a person, a pet or whatever to cause your heart to ache, it is normal. It just shows you are normal and have a heart and love within that you shared.
Looking at the chart of the many levels of grief, I recognize each one and understand when it hits. One of those, ‘been there, done that’ quotes. No matter what your situation, grief is hard and exhausting.
Understanding the levels of grief in whatever you are facing, it will help you through it. Normal. Cry if you need to and then carry on the best you can. Some days you will need to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. Normal. Will life be the same? No. A new normal will form and you will adjust. One day, your experience will be encouragement to another; you made it and they will also.
Tonight, when going out for a walk, I was reminded just how blah my marriage is and has been. Returning from my walk, him sitting on our porch reading his sci-if book, the same. No nothing! No joy, no expression, no emotion, no comment. Nothing. Like a living dead man. In his own little world. I realize I deal with Aspergers with him, which I learned about just over four years ago from my former counselor. To know that, helps knowing I am not crazy but living this way, can make one crazy. It is a sad, lonely life. For better or for worse, the wedding vows echo and will be told, while trusted ones that know my situation say, leave.
Here I am alone in my office and no desire to finish my work that can really wait until tomorrow, so I write for a bit. The quietness in the office space far from everyone in the building, hearing the HVAC motors on the roof above me makes me feel as I am on an airplane ready for take off. Anytime now, the flight attendant will be at my door offering up those yummy cookies. Hey, I can dream. Dream to take off in flight to somewhere exciting and yes those cookies. 
Tick tock tick tock, as I have two hours left to maintain this status until I can leave.
Oh Lord, I need you. I need your loving arms to hold me. Only You know me like no other. Give me strength to keep moving forward and be kind to others and to share your love and your mercy and grace. My focus needs to be on you, as you know my name and where I am when I do not even know myself.
Just Pondering... 