I Am Worthy!
You Are Worthy!
It has taken me years to get that in my thick skull to understand and feel I am worthy. I am sure I have wrote about this before, at some point.
At times regretting it took so long to get here but on the other hand, a relief that I am finally here. I am ME. The Lord knew me before I was even born, He had plans for me and what I was to face in life, never leaving me but loving me, just as I am.
So many times, I looked to others for my worth waiting for a compliment or to know they cared in some, small way or the hugs I craved. When received, my hope and worth in life became alive and joyful. Somebody cares for me. Sadly, short lived. The memories of that moment of high feeling that may last for days, comes down to trying to conjure up the memory or that same, sweet feeling and hearing words said directly to me. While I can remember, it is not the same. Sadness overcomes my soul for I need another fix. Somebody please tell me you care for me, hug me please as my mind is screaming, pat my arm so I can feel that touch again and burn it in my memory, I am desperate for connection.
I would never share those thoughts or words with anyone, always knowing I was desiring and screaming on the inside. In hopes one day, I would be loved by somebody and find my worth.
Thankfully, I had a counselor that heard the cries within and speaking of them with her, I no longer had to carry them alone. The Lord truly knew my heartache and allowed her to intervene. To share them brought embarrassment and shame but brought healing each time.
The cage I was in of desperately wanting love and worth of others can only come from the Lord. Releasing others from their attention and love that I required and hungered for only comes in small doses but receiving at times sometimes unexpectedly is so much sweeter.
I know without a doubt that joy, my sense of love, feeling special and worthiness is all from the Lord.
When I don’t feel and know that within, my attention has wavered to people, not God. I always knew that deep down, but I thought it was easier to get and receive from those I can see and touch.
His Love is forever and ever. It is where my love is focused upon that determines the outcome.
name a lot more I am sure, too. They go and go and give and give and soon they are bankrupt, nothing to give at all As the children grow and become more independent, it gets somewhat easier but then worry sets in moreso as they are driving and making decisions, etc.
Just with this nice man who has been great to deal with in our business relationship to where we can talk about our families and such matters, I encouraged him that he needs to dote on his wife more. It is time to take date nights that have fallen by the wayside. Take the children to a family member or friend and maybe trade off times with other couples to do the same. Anything! Make it happen. A Google search has all kinds of ideas, from no cost dates to very fancy and expensive.
I can honestly tell you, I dislike a part of the code of ethics between a counselor and client relationship. I totally understand that the counselor’s personal life is private while the client shares their life and deepest, darkest secrets. That’s fine because that is why you are there in counseling. 
her in complete confidence, truly feeling she cared for me not only as a client but as a person. To be listened to, heard and understood, brings healing. I have to say, she was one of the best. I feel blessed to have had her in my life, when I needed her the most.
The Lord knows and will put the right people in your path.
Just Pondering... 