Sometimes, through the years I just want to throw my hands up. Even today, the thought of going and doing something at a moments notice, becomes deadend.
Over the past thirty-three years together, unless I plan and make plans aware and down to the minute, things will not happen in this relationship. No matter what it is. Yes, sex, too.
I do the planning, make financial decisions and no matter what, which is a lot of pressure on a wife. Perhaps realizing just four years ago I have dealt with Aspergers, I get it now but still it does not ease the frustration of the past, present or future.
Just today, the thought of going to a park I am unfamiliar with but he knows, I thought it would be a nice time to walk and enjoy the cool, crisp air with sun on my face. Of course, he is walking the dog and the daylight hours were nearing and that would be mentioned when I brought up this brilliant idea and time wasted on details of such fact. This is how it happens. Never ending. So, I usually go on my own and keep moving forward with, or most times, without him.
Is this typical with other Asperger couples? Never on the same wavelength and it becomes lonely and sad. I want more in life and fun. Just no connection.
Taking time to thank him for helping but to help him understand that trees, bushes and all do not grow square, look around. Plus, it makes a yard look old, yuck. With some direction, it was time to do some adjustments on the bushes to make them look more natural and, of course, time to grow out. We still laugh over this at times.
We all have rough edges and we all grow and learn in different stages. In myself, I am not where I want to be but I am not where I was. We have to be kind to ourselves and understand it’s a process.
Nothing bad really but the exact replay of the dream in real time. How crazy is that?
Just Pondering... 