Fire in my Hands

It was in my early twenties, attending a local church, being somewhat taken under Millie’s wing to teach me and mentor me, we became like a dynamic duo.  I was more confident in myself as a now adult and being a Christian.

Parcel wrapped in mottled brown paper with coarse rope and buff tag

Millie led a class called, Discovering Your Spiritual Gifts, relating to what our spiritual gifts are, an 8-week class, I believe. I just remembered this tonight and still the excitement floods my mind.   When she was out of town, I would lead the class and no intimidation or fear was there.  I did it.  I forgot the joy. 055B49EB-BA84-45A6-AFEE-62456C25305A

On several occasions, we would travel to different locations to attend conferences.  The first one was unforgettable and life changing.  It was at this time, a desire to write a book became alive in me.  Since, it has always been on my mind.

Millie moved away due to her job and I moved to another church and got involved there. Life changes and while some things halted, other things moved forward. Life.

A lot has happened between my early twenties and now, almost sixty years old.  Still, my mind is always thinking and writing whether I do write a book or not.  This blog has helped me this past year to open up and share. Thank you for reading.

D5D95F50-E590-46A1-9184-2BAD57550D3FAs for a book, doesn’t everyone want to write a book?  Why would anyone want to read mine?  Questions I keep repeating all of these years.  Who knows but God.

About two weeks ago though, I had something interesting A24BEBD7-5675-47B8-8BE9-A1AFCFA7409Ehappen.  I am at yet another ladies conference.  I am standing by myself with my hands lifted up in front of me, palms up and looking at them, praying.  Lord, if it is meant for me to write, let fire of your anointing flow through my fingers as I type.  A simple prayer and I moved on enjoying the service.

At the end, during the altar call, I stood.  A lady behind me and to my left side tapped me on my shoulder asking if she could pray for me.  Sure.  With that she grabbed another lady for prayer, too.  The three of us, hands held, and she prayed.  There was a hesitation, she stopped and asked me if I was a teacher. No, I am not.  Again she asked, are you sure?  I’m sure.  Now I began to wonder where this was going.  I mentioned my office work and that I write, I love to write.  Again, she stopped, looked at me and said, ‘You do know that a writer is a teacher and a teacher is a writer.’  No, I did not, never gave it a thought.  Other things were said, too.  It was then the third lady holding my right hand in 1B8E3F64-2FDE-4D71-87E1-E321B276776Cprayer, she also took my left hand, holding them both up and said, ‘I see fire coming from your hands.’  Now being still, taking this all in, it was like wait a minute.  I am thinking, Lord, I know she did not hear me pray, my prayer earlier.  Then she said to me, ‘You are like a Wonder Woman.’  Then I stopped and no doubt my mouth dropped open.  I know neither of these women knew me but with the prayer, prophetic word, the fire in my hands and Wonder Woman being mentioned, I knew God was in the midst.  Plus, I had just wrote about Wonder Woman that week, and I said that I was Wonder Woman.  (The blog is called 002969B5-4848-4AB9-A8FD-C6C3EEEC1304Kryptonite.)

Talk about a WOW moment, my faith was sky high and there was a laughter within me. Still. Not of disbelief with the laughter but of amazement because only the Lord could have pulled that off through these ladies that I have never met before and He used them.

I do not know what the future holds, if there will be a book although I have the title ready, or how this will come about, etc.  One thing I do know is that the Lord will open the doors if so and will be glorified from the beginning to the end.90EED108-0511-49E3-8AF2-FA826494C5EC

I have to trust He has placed a spiritual gift(s) within me years ago.  To just now remember that time and the class, and teaching it, I am amazed.  It’s like, Lord, just what are you doing?  In all those years, I had to walk through some dark places to be where I am.  What I do know, too, is that He knows where I am today and He knows where I am going.

Same with you.  You have a story, a testimony and gifts to help another and many others, to give hope. Trust Him.

D16F160A-25A7-4DEE-84C2-6781C5825D92

I Can See Clearly Now

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. How many times have we said those words?  A song most of us grew up with hearing and singing, which you probably just did or will do now. You can thank me later. Actually, it is a happy, uplifting song. Sense of hope.  49B852EC-72F0-4EA2-898E-5B3BFB01A6D3

Yesterday morning as I walked with another walking buddy of mine on a longer route than normal due to it being the weekend and more time, we walked and talked and talked. This man is a mid-seventy year old, uses a cane to stabilize himself but can out walk me. He is always full of stories and interesting tidbits about travels, etc. You know the type, one of those that can tell a story and then another. Time has to be in your favor to enjoy though and that day was one of them for me.

We have walked together over the past few months at times and getting to know one another. His wife joins us at times, which is nice but today she was exhausted from traveling so it was just us.  The weather was perfect with a cloudy overcast and soft breeze. Perfect.

We know a lot of the same people and sometimes shocked how much in common we have with the age difference. I love it when the Lord allows certain people to cross our paths. While it may be for just a season, there is purpose and a friendship built.

In our miles of walking and talking, life seemed to pop up in discussion.  Each of us have a story.  He had made a comment about how counselors make us see things more clearly, which struck a cord in me. So true. With that, we discussed many topics and life issues leading to counseling. Sometimes in life, we get lost while 9EF3D05E-F682-4076-BBF5-B225B8F49ABCtending to the cares of everyone around us, our own feelings and thoughts evaporate and soon zap us leading us to ask that one question… Who am I?

E28F3FB6-EC2F-435F-851C-2EAAD04255D6Even this week, being with a dear friend, she said it, too, as her plate has been filled for months, if not years caring for others and putting herself on the back burner. It happens. Hopefully, some normalcy will come, I pray, as she settles back into her home and daily life.

Maybe you yourself feel lost. Those moments thinking or even being asked what do you like to do or even that one question.  Who are you?   In a sullen look and voice, you may think or even say, or maybe ignoring the question and perhaps reply, I do not know who I am.  I do not know what I like, want, where to go, to do, and so on. You just exist from one day to the next and soon days, months and years pass.

I have been there.  Exist.  Barely breathing.  Lost.  Afraid.  Stuck.  Wearing a mask with a smile.  Frozen in time.  Sad.  No voice.

Reading the lyrics later of this song when I got home, because now the song is stuck in my head, I found myself smiling and happy inside.  In my life, I felt the rain; I saw the dark clouds for years; I felt the pain, as my heart was broken and unloved. Too many obstacles were in my way, feeling overwhelmed.  The bad feelings of hate, anger and unforgiveness were clinging to me, while I was right to have, but I needed to release and let go.

There is more to life.  If you just make minor changes and build to regain your equilibrium back, it is a start.  Do not let the lie of it is of no use to pull you back in despair.  Keep moving forward.  Give yourself grace.  Rest.

The most important, is God.  Allow Him to be in this with you.  He is, but He is a gentleman.  He wants YOU to call upon Him.  He will direct your paths.  He will give you joy.  He does and will love you, as you are His child. Trust Him.

536CF7B6-D31E-4899-8895-5AAB8B9390F1Today, I can truly say and feel that the heavy rain is gone, dark clouds have disappeared, I see the rainbow and the blue skies are opening up to me like never before.  Obstacles are being removed.  While I still have many areas to tend to and always will because life will never be without storms, but I could sing, I can see clearly now.  There is hope for me (for you).

731BA8E7-B163-4F0F-98BD-9F659712431D3CF4D688-9502-452E-B6AD-256A95658348

Lost and Found

2E35C2E4-F24B-457E-8FEF-68DC4587F2E4I am now in the final stage of my life with many years remaining and hopefully the best of them yet as my hope and joy are returning to me.  There is a spring in my step of this older, adult woman who is finally understanding herself and more importantly, accepting herself.   It feels good to feel worthy if to nobody else but to God.Lost and found vector motivational romantic philosophical quote

While the last five years have been tedious with counseling and digging in the dirt to see clearly, it has been worth every penny, the time involved, heartache felt and many tears.   I did this for me.  I made a choice that I want more in life before I die.  To know that only death was before me and hopelessness, only brought more hopelessness plus doom and gloom. Not a good place to be or to stay.

People get stuck and see no way out.  Like a cat in a paper bag.  Yearning for more but overwhelmed by all the negative that they have encountered and believing it all to be fact.  Nowhere to go, distrustful of others due to past relationships of hurts and basically alone.

As a Christian, feelings of despair in this lost state brings condemnation so that, too, must be dealt with and fought against.  People around us are lost as a non-Christian but many are lost in just hopelessness felt.  Not because of unbelief, as they just might have more faith than you may think in order to hold on, it is just no zeal to push through.  93F29398-D3FD-4E27-ACA3-581107A2823C

There were years that I walked through that mess.  While being unsure who I could really confide in or one that would believe the chaos that seemed to swallow me up.  The craziness that it brings because on the outside it all appeared normal.  I walked in a fog at times and for a bit, I was numb being so hurt and not knowing what to do.

I was lost for many years of basically feeling like a caged bird being F20671BD-9FD0-4B1A-A87E-62FDECEEAFD1unsure and afraid.  Plus, forgetting myself as my confidence, what little there was, removed itself from my life.  A zombie at times going through the motions of life, wearing a mask. People and circumstances can strip you of your whole being, of which happened year after year.

Today, I am not the same person I was five years ago.  Thank God.  Walking into my former counselors office the first day, sitting on her loveseat and being asked why I was there was the beginning of the me I am today.  I felt I was going crazy, which was my response to her and I 35B47D33-8A10-40F5-9B33-DCA08DA6C2EEbelieved it because of the imprisonment of my life.  Help me!

When we make a choice and decide to move forward, our faith ignites and the Lord will see us through the pain and struggles.  Trusting Him with it all and our lives, He will open doors and will bring the joy back into our lives that we have forgotten.  The excitement of living comes alive and in color like never 18132AAB-9AA3-4569-907C-C342433BAA19
before.  I forgot and lost myself in the past and for years but today I feel I have found myself once again and finding each day better than the last.  So the best years are ahead of me and I am going forward.

How about you?  If you are going through something that seems overwhelming and the hopelessness seems to be clinging to you, allow the Lord to help you.  Trust Him.

While I was a Christian, and have been since my early twenties, it came to a point of desperation and saying, Lord it is me and You.

He knows, He cares, He loves you. ❤️

52C5304D-38F9-409B-97D7-288BC4C5F66A