There is nothing more upsetting than a phone call at 3:17 a.m. answering and hearing your son crying uncontrollably. Asking what is wrong? Are you okay? Where are you? Trying to remain calm in order to calm him and his mind but inside I am a total, emotional mess. The sobbing is lessening but he is still crying and expressing what he is going through. Working out of town and being almost three hours away.
Do I jump in my car and go to him or do I talk him through the night until he regains control, which I did for two hours. Finally, he sounds like my son again and getting a grip from being overwhelmed with life upon his shoulders, tiredness and hungry.
I prayed for him as he cried, we discussed how this is when he needs to call out upon the Lord. Reminding him of God’s love.
We talked about everything imaginable in order to redirect his thoughts and emotions in order to drive home safely. His awareness of the Lord was definitely there and has been.
He was telling me that earlier in the day, driving to the event he was working, there was a wreck in front of him. A semi and a car ahead of him, the car rolled over. This scene has played in his mind since, seeing the girl in the car. He did not stop to help. The regrets were tugging at his heart since but also knowing he was just feet from being involved, too, as his car skidded but then straightened and moved out of the way. The fear that was felt seeing a semi headed in your direction but then control of the car happened. Son, please recognize that was the Hand of God, and he knew it. He regrets that he did not help the girl and pray with her. This whole accident right before his eyes will haunt him for a bit if not longer, as it replays in his mind. It was traumatic as it would anyone.
Now thinking back of it all and how he was afraid to drive home. Not only fear but shock. While working, he had to focus on his job and was with others, but afterward and alone, it was all when it all hit by feeling it was all unreal but knowing it was real.
Hearing what he was telling me, it definitely could have been worse. I had to deal with my own panic and fear knowing how close he was to this accident. I’ll take my son crying uncontrollably three hours away, as I thank God for keeping him safe.
He was open to hear me pray, thanked me for being his mother, a shining light to him and everything a mom wants to hear but not in this manner and or distance between us. I want my boy! My arms cannot reach him but God’s arms are around him. I, too, must trust Him at this time.
Just this past week, in a job he was filming, I thought to myself, that this is not an ordinary job but was orchestrated by the Lord. There has always been a calling of God on his life, he knows it.
As he sits in the empty parking lot, looking at the stars of which we also discussed, I told him this is a great time to surrender his life to the Lord, He’s calling.
I had my bags packed to travel the three hours, if need be. Myself praying for direction, what am I to do Lord? Do I go, do I stay? I’m here, waiting for his check-ins every thirty miles, as he is together enough to drive. There is no rest until I know he pulls his car in his driveway and calls to say, Mom, I’m home.
As you read my blog, this one especially, as I have shared others blogs about my son, would you please say a prayer for him? Thank You! ✝️
I’m ready to turn up my music, flow freely through my house, sing and sometimes dance if I so desire, the cleaning becomes fun, the sound of the vacuum is like a melody, the washer and dryer hum in the background. What a nice time enjoying my home without an energy, draining vampire lurking about.
If I decide to write as I am doing now, the words flow freely and my mind is sharp. So much to do enjoying my time alone, knowing it is short lived so I cherish the moments, as it will soon end.
Lord, there must be more, I have said so many times through the years and You heard the same today. I have come so far and know the light at the end of the tunnel is near. I’m getting impatient so please hurry this along. My age is adding numbers and my strength is becoming less. There is so much I want to do in my time left. I want happiness, I want to feel joy, I just want to have fun and laugh until it hurts. I’m at an age I feel I’ve earned the best of what life has to offer, but I’m stuck and need a few more things to line up.
Thankfully, most of us come a place in life when we see all of the pieces of the past fall together and we can look over our life and see how the Lord orchestrated the good, the bad, of which we caused, and brings us to a point of where you or I are right now.
my screams on the paper, majority having dates of which provide proof and gives a timeline.
Just Pondering... 