Little by little the thoughts of you are slipping away unsure if it really matters, as I sometimes wipe my tears away.
You were there but now you are gone, while I do understand life goes on.
The journey of life takes many turns, and I am happy to say that I have learned.
Each day holds something new but my remembrance brings me back to you.
How can I forget what you have done, as it was you that made me to believe in who I am.
So many thoughts and words to say but the way it ended there was no way.
I think you would be proud of me of what I have done, I sometimes wish I could share.
Am I ever a thought in the mind of yours, perhaps wondering if I am doing okay?
I am trying so hard to move on, but I still get hung up with the lack of closure we had.
Thoughts of gratitude most often I have, but still I have bouts of anger that appear.
No matter whether I am a thought or not, I am so thankful from the bottom my heart.
I would not be where I am today had it not been for you, and I know that was all in the Lord’s plan.
So little by little I will go about my days, knowing my questions of why and my hurt will go away.
I wish you well as I try to let go but knowing you will always be a part of my testimony.
I will keep moving forward and enjoy each day, knowing my days ahead will lead to joy.
You may never read this and that is okay, it is just my way of letting go, little by little, day by day.
In my previous writings, I have mentioned my counselor, now former counselor. I had been with her for four years, weekly if not twice, and to count it all up, that is a lot of time together. Besides the Lord, she knew me quite well, more than my family and friends, actually better than I knew myself. The closing of her counseling services was like a death to me, so I still grieve. No matter, I am always thankful for her.
It’s about time! Time for family and friends to gather at my home and I am sure yours also or the home you are hopefully going to and celebrate Thanksgiving.
perfect, I do not have to expect perfection out of myself. What a relief. Actually, I forgot salad dressing. Before, I would stress and push myself to go get, adding onto my to-do list. This time, I contacted my daughter-in-law asking her to take care of this for me. My goodness have I changed, counseling has definitely paid off. For that, I am thankful. It’s okay to ask for help.
Christians in their pathway to lead them and help where perhaps I can’t; put Angels all around each one as they leave and protect them. That would be my simple but heartfelt prayer.
Recently, I was with friends at a large event. I had a counseling session beforehand, and I was telling her about going that evening, of my anxiousness and some background tidbits. I remembered and told her that the speaker that night at the event, was a former pastor of a local church. When I visited the church years ago, never meeting him before, he came over to me and prayed but then he said that my life is like a blank slate (canvas). What did that mean? I believed it was good as I was on a new journey to find me again. It had to be good — a prayer and a comment like that and in church, right?
find me and make the life that I want and desire. This is a good thing. At the time he said what he did, it was the beginning of my counseling sessions with my former counselor, now five years ago. I was and I am still trying to find me, my self-esteem that was lost, the confidence forgotten and voice that was silenced. It felt good to know that the blank slate back then is now starting to show some life and happiness.
mall groups with church bible studies and to be more sociable was a joy, as for years I avoided crowds, people for that matter. While it was not always easy, I did it in small steps. Plus, I was determined to fight through the rough, emotional sessions of counseling, many times wanting to quit but I would always go back the next week, knowing deep down that this was God’s Will in my life. I had to fight through many times and still, as the enemy wants to kill, steal and destroy. I don’t think she would let me quit anyway, thankfully.
Today, as I look back and questioned the comment that I am a blank slate, I do see it as a positive and the lines on the canvas are connecting, as there is joy exhibited and felt within and the color of beauty being expressed in and around me. Hopefully, in my writings, the creative side I lost, too. I am enjoying where I am at this point in my life, because I feel alive. I want more. There is only One that make this all fall together and give me more, the desires of my heart, as I look to Him.
Just Pondering... 