Have you ever felt busy in life, events keeping you on the run, appointments, working and getting the job done and whatever else that consumes your day and feel like you are getting nowhere? One day turns into the next, just like that. I’m there.
Many times at my office, my desk is full of files to tend to but one thing or another takes my time, now falling behind with wasted time on meaningless tasks basically. Putting out fires as sometimes put. Exhausting.
Things in my life have taken some turns in the last year or so, some I like and some I do not as well. I need to make some decisions and changes, feeling overwhelmed. Now feeling as though I am not going anywhere and at a fork in the road, just spinning my wheels. Again, exhausting. What do I do?
What will tomorrow, next week, next month or next year look like? You know what? I do not know. None of us know, do we? Life can change in a second. All I know to do and the same with you is to take one day at a time. Years ago, my sister gave me wise advice, which was if one day was too much, take one hour at a time. Honestly, there have been times that I have had to do just that, sometimes a minute at a time.
Making decisions and following through is not easy. Fear can creep in and feeling stuck, afraid to move.
What does the future hold? I don’t know.
My faith in knowing the Lord will guide and direct my steps is what I must depend upon.
So if you are standing at a fork in the road and feeling an unrest within as to what to do, know you are not alone. Trust Him.
“You might not know what it is, but there’s something that doesn’t feel right. And most of us stay stuck in the dissatisfaction of where we are because we don’t know what to do with those feelings.“
As I was driving home on this cold, gloomy day from work, my mind travels, too. Perhaps it was the gloominess and being tired from work, but I started thinking of someone that I miss. We all have those moments that somebody pops in our minds. While it is good to make contact to hopefully let them know they were thought of or even encourage, in my case I cannot do that. I know not to cross the boundary and put myself 
in a place of emotional pain of possibly not being received and feel rejected. Still, my mind thinks about her, my former counselor. I find myself frustrated with myself because I think of her but feel I have been forgotten by her, and perhaps I have, as our time together is over. Spending my time in sessions with her for four years, once a week, which amounts to at least two-hundred hours, is a lot. While my living grief is better, it is still there. I do miss her, but I believe that is normal.
I started saying, I am worthy, over and over and then adding I am creative, I am smart, and I know the Lord is doing a work in my life. It was when I got to and repeated, God you love her but you also love me, the same… no more or no less.
The memories and thoughts that surfaced in a conversation between my counselor and I were some I would have rather forgotten. Still, they are part of my journey and knowing they always will be. As I squinched my eyes, shaking my head somewhat of trying to remember but not wanting to remember also, all the while. Regrets of those days being young and stupid. Odds are, we all have those remembrances and regrets. Please tell me I am not alone.
wanted to live but in those years I learned that it was not really living, it was running. Running from God. I knew better and I knew He had His Hand upon me from childhood. Even though I was not taught of God’s Love at home, apparently the Vacation Bible School teaching each summer stuck with me plus the many Christians in my path to lead and direct me. So thankful and blessed.
Just Pondering... 